notmylife16

So im new to this site, i started doing a search because I finally was honest with myself in the fact that I married a functioning alcoholic. We have a 2 year old daughter together, Im not into "staying together for the kids" however I am concerned how the possibility of a divorce may affect her. I have recently brought it to my husbands attention that Im angry, resentful, and that my feelings for him have diminished. He cannot understand where my feelings are coming from. He's laying on the the sweet talk, the promises, the tears, and although he doesnt realize it, the guilt. Part of me wants to run away from this marriage, part of me thinks I made a promise in my wedding vows, i cant run away. But I dont want this life for myself and definately not for my daughter. What do I do??? Divorce? Stay? Work it out? I dont think I have the energy....

wanttobehealthy

I wish I'd left when my D's were younger. They are 3 and 6 now and I should have left when D6 was a baby. It took a long time for me to get strong/clear headed enough to have AH leave and the girls absolutely were impacted by what they lived with. AH is functional, professional at work, well liked by the world... He did all the sweet talk, promises, apologies etc... you speak of and I'd have hope and believe his words and the actions never materialized... I believed in my vows too-- I believed in marriage-- I believed I needed to do everything I could to make it work. But AH didn't want it to work (despite what he said, his actions said otherwise). And our D's were being harmed by the chronic tension. My advice? Leave sooner than later. If your AH gets his act together you can get back together. Don't stay longer than you should like I did and then have to see daily in your kids, the harm that was caused bc of the environment they lived in during the most formative years.

notmylife16

Did you feel guilty for wanting to leave? I feel bad when he cries. I feel like its my fault for not having "those" feelings for him. I know its not but thats what keeps me from leaving. I dont feel very strong. Im also pretty scared of what he'll do after, I'm worried he'll try to take our daughter, or that she'll see more than I'd like her to see of our arguing.

m1k3

Sharing my experience as an adult child of an alcoholic parent, you are not doing your children any favors by raising them in that type of environment.

m1k3

Alcoholics lie, all of them. They don't have relationships, they take hostages. Only you can decide what is right for you and your daughter.

What I will recommend is that you start attending al-anon meetings. I truly believed they saved my life. Al-anon is not about the alcoholic, you won't get any advice on how to get your AH (alcoholic husband) to stop drinking. What you will get is tools and support on how to regain your life, to regain sanity and serenity and to begin to heal yourself.

One thing to remember with his drinking is that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. He will only stop drinking when he is ready to.



Your friend,

LifeRecovery

I agree with what has been posted.

I also want to add that I started getting better when I started to let go of what my loved one said, felt, and went by what he did. Actions speak louder than words. My husband said many things and at times got very emotional. Those did not translate into recovery actions however.

It was not enough for me to want his recovery, he had to want it and work it.