Well, you guys were right. Dry Drunk now, and King Baby
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Well, you guys were right. Dry Drunk now, and King Baby
Its as if all the tools and skills and information he took in and took on just dissolved a month ago.
Just coinciding with my health issues.
He is blaming everything on me just like last fall when he first came out of rehab. Can it just go away like that? The clarity? The positivity?
He is def not drinking.
Just extremely self centered and self oriented. He says now, that if I was not throwing my problems on him that his life would be perfect.
Threatens to leave me every other day....over me disagreeing with him, which he frames as me abusing him.
Anything he does that is less than decent treatment of me is carefully manipulatively swept under the rug.
Am I having a tough time? Quitting smoking and caffeine? YES.
Am I short, and depressed a little over health issues?
YES> Am I the only problem? NO
Does he have any space in his life for ANYone else to have a rough ride? NO.
I am angry disappointed and fed up.
I told him to stop whining and to make a choice. I told him to make sure he felt he was in true clarity.
Just coinciding with my health issues.
He is blaming everything on me just like last fall when he first came out of rehab. Can it just go away like that? The clarity? The positivity?
He is def not drinking.
Just extremely self centered and self oriented. He says now, that if I was not throwing my problems on him that his life would be perfect.
Threatens to leave me every other day....over me disagreeing with him, which he frames as me abusing him.
Anything he does that is less than decent treatment of me is carefully manipulatively swept under the rug.
Am I having a tough time? Quitting smoking and caffeine? YES.
Am I short, and depressed a little over health issues?
YES> Am I the only problem? NO
Does he have any space in his life for ANYone else to have a rough ride? NO.
I am angry disappointed and fed up.
I told him to stop whining and to make a choice. I told him to make sure he felt he was in true clarity.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Gawd this all sounds so familiar. Just went through it last month. It was like a switch flipped and we were back to the same old same old. Definitely a lot of blame and a lot of irrationality. I wonder if it is somehow tied to the PAWS phenomenon? It just came on so suddenly...
Just stay out of his way, B66, and try to ignore him. Mine is filing for divorce now, and I think, given the last 6 weeks, it is a good idea for me to stay away for good this time. It really drags you down, huh?!!
Just stay out of his way, B66, and try to ignore him. Mine is filing for divorce now, and I think, given the last 6 weeks, it is a good idea for me to stay away for good this time. It really drags you down, huh?!!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Buffalo if you are fed up why are you still there ? what is keeping you there ? (I am asking with respect)
Remember: you are free, you have options...
Take care of your health, when I was with XABF I had all kinds of funny aches. They all disappeared "magically" once I started to put my distance ..
Remember: you are free, you have options...
Take care of your health, when I was with XABF I had all kinds of funny aches. They all disappeared "magically" once I started to put my distance ..
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, B66, I'm sorry to hear about all you are experiencing. I hope you will be able to concentrate on just taking care of your health!
My RAS (sister) has "moods" that come and go even though she has been clean and sober for, well, probably more than 16 years.
Take good care of yourself and your health!
My RAS (sister) has "moods" that come and go even though she has been clean and sober for, well, probably more than 16 years.
Take good care of yourself and your health!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Ahhh right... the alcoholic is allowed to be flawed and human and have ups and downs but lest anyone around him/her be the same, they are "abusive, demanding, etc..."
It's all quacking, it's all projecting.
You're allowed to be struggling and have good and bad days. Disagreeing with an A is not "abuse" and if it's enough to make AH say that it's making his recovery difficult then he'd better get his ass to a meeting to start learning to deal with real life.
Don't let him stick his issues on you.
It's all quacking, it's all projecting.
You're allowed to be struggling and have good and bad days. Disagreeing with an A is not "abuse" and if it's enough to make AH say that it's making his recovery difficult then he'd better get his ass to a meeting to start learning to deal with real life.
Don't let him stick his issues on you.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I would suggest you see how is in another 4 weeks or so.
There are folks (I was one of them) that start to get real SQUIRRELLY about 4 weeks or so before their first anniversary and it lasts about 4 weeks or so after the anniversary. It gets less intense with each anniversary after that.
It's like a HUGE flashback to the beginning of recovery and all those whirling thoughts are once again going around in the head, the Committee is in full force. I turned totally RESTLESS, IRRITABLE, and DISCONTENT. I was fortunate though in that I had a sponsor that worked real hard to 'keep me grounded.'
I 'nitpicked' at everybody including myself. I felt 'overwhelmed' with my long list of amends. It was not a 'good' 1st anniversary for me.
I have watched others go through the same thing to different degrees.
Maybe just step back, if you can, don't engage if possible, agree to disagree for now, walk out of the room if he starts, or better yet, tell him to go talk to his sponsor.
I am sorry this is happening but sending good thoughts and prayers that he gets back on track.
Love and hugs,
There are folks (I was one of them) that start to get real SQUIRRELLY about 4 weeks or so before their first anniversary and it lasts about 4 weeks or so after the anniversary. It gets less intense with each anniversary after that.
It's like a HUGE flashback to the beginning of recovery and all those whirling thoughts are once again going around in the head, the Committee is in full force. I turned totally RESTLESS, IRRITABLE, and DISCONTENT. I was fortunate though in that I had a sponsor that worked real hard to 'keep me grounded.'
I 'nitpicked' at everybody including myself. I felt 'overwhelmed' with my long list of amends. It was not a 'good' 1st anniversary for me.
I have watched others go through the same thing to different degrees.
Maybe just step back, if you can, don't engage if possible, agree to disagree for now, walk out of the room if he starts, or better yet, tell him to go talk to his sponsor.
I am sorry this is happening but sending good thoughts and prayers that he gets back on track.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
laurie 6781,
You know, A went to ameeting last night, and he then went for a long run in the rain.
He went for most of his 1 year without meetings and about 3 weeks ago decided to get a regular home group and start trying to find a sponsor.
When he came home last night, he said something to the effect of him going through a layer of peeling. It was a phase. He also said he now saw that he was over identifying his own success, his own contributions and was devaluing mine because it made his seem like more.
He said he could see that I had no one cheering me on, while I did all that parenting and paying for everything, yet he was wanting that, AND was wiling to throw me under the bus.
I eyed him cautiously, ut you know, meetings really do help him with perspective. I am grateful for that.
I told him that I would only know if he had a true revelation next time we had an argument or disagreed. If he is willing to go there again and maintain his stance, then this is all hot air.
I think he is squirrely. Why else would he up / reinstate meetings into his life, Actually now more than ever?
You know, A went to ameeting last night, and he then went for a long run in the rain.
He went for most of his 1 year without meetings and about 3 weeks ago decided to get a regular home group and start trying to find a sponsor.
When he came home last night, he said something to the effect of him going through a layer of peeling. It was a phase. He also said he now saw that he was over identifying his own success, his own contributions and was devaluing mine because it made his seem like more.
He said he could see that I had no one cheering me on, while I did all that parenting and paying for everything, yet he was wanting that, AND was wiling to throw me under the bus.
I eyed him cautiously, ut you know, meetings really do help him with perspective. I am grateful for that.
I told him that I would only know if he had a true revelation next time we had an argument or disagreed. If he is willing to go there again and maintain his stance, then this is all hot air.
I think he is squirrely. Why else would he up / reinstate meetings into his life, Actually now more than ever?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I think he is squirrely. Why else would he up / reinstate meetings into his life, Actually now more than ever?
And the fact he hasn't been going to that many means he is really 'jumping out of his skin.'
Now is the time to again watch his ACTIONS to see if they match his words.
I am sorry you have to go through this, but I give you an awful lot of credit for working on yourself and sticking it out to see if the marriage can work or not!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Mine is 15 mos sober. Still an A$$hole.
he actually told me one of his main resentments is because I "let" him drink for so long and destroy his life before forcing him to do something about it.
SERIOUSLY!!! He is deluded. I told him to call his sponser and tell him what he just told me and see what he has to say about that....
of course he wouldn't ....he realized that I wasn't falling into the pit of "it's all my fault"...and he sure won't take responsibility for his drinking.
I know I played a part.... a PART. I won't shoulder the whole burden.
Even with recovery its a struggle. Mine doesn't drink but is still self centered and causes chaos in our lives daily.
I love him...but it's getting to the point where I'm having to remind myself of that and push myself to be pleasant rather than a stark raving b$%$h.
My anger...at him...at myself...overwhelms me. It pulls me into a dark place where all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep....sleep is my serenity. I can dream of a life that doesn't have all this drama and I imagine myself sitting drinking my coffee on my porch and feeling peace. Something I can't do here or now.
I'm struggling. I'm just trying to get through. I'm doing what I have to do. I force myself to get up and get my kids to school. I hope that once I have a good job (think I found a part time one that may go full time later) I'll be able to pull myself out of my hole. Find my self worth again and make some decisions about what and where is best for me.
At the rate I'm going I'm going to be sitting on some therapists couch crying...."but I love him..I don't want to give up on him.." and I don't want that. I don't want to sacrifice my life..my SANITY...to be with him.
not to mention the mental health of my kids.
I don't know... I'm feeling lost.
he actually told me one of his main resentments is because I "let" him drink for so long and destroy his life before forcing him to do something about it.
SERIOUSLY!!! He is deluded. I told him to call his sponser and tell him what he just told me and see what he has to say about that....
of course he wouldn't ....he realized that I wasn't falling into the pit of "it's all my fault"...and he sure won't take responsibility for his drinking.
I know I played a part.... a PART. I won't shoulder the whole burden.
Even with recovery its a struggle. Mine doesn't drink but is still self centered and causes chaos in our lives daily.
I love him...but it's getting to the point where I'm having to remind myself of that and push myself to be pleasant rather than a stark raving b$%$h.
My anger...at him...at myself...overwhelms me. It pulls me into a dark place where all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep....sleep is my serenity. I can dream of a life that doesn't have all this drama and I imagine myself sitting drinking my coffee on my porch and feeling peace. Something I can't do here or now.
I'm struggling. I'm just trying to get through. I'm doing what I have to do. I force myself to get up and get my kids to school. I hope that once I have a good job (think I found a part time one that may go full time later) I'll be able to pull myself out of my hole. Find my self worth again and make some decisions about what and where is best for me.
At the rate I'm going I'm going to be sitting on some therapists couch crying...."but I love him..I don't want to give up on him.." and I don't want that. I don't want to sacrifice my life..my SANITY...to be with him.
not to mention the mental health of my kids.
I don't know... I'm feeling lost.
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