stbxah still drinking and being formally charged
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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stbxah still drinking and being formally charged
Hi all,
I read everyday but haven't been able to reply. But I wanted to update.
My AH has been out of the house since Sept 10 by an emergency restraining order as he was threatening my daughter. We had a hearing yesterday to see if the clerk was going to go forward with the complaint and they absolutely are. So it is the charge of "Threat to commit a crime" and maybe "intimidation of a witness". My daughter. Along with this complaint he is going to also be charged with 5 violations of the temporary restraining order as he had his brother text me two hours after he was served and left the house.
The clerk asked me if I wanted to go forward but before I had a chance to answer the Leutenant said this charge needs to go forward. Thank god I didn't have to say for it to go forward. I wasn't comfortable saying to go forward so with him doing it then it's the courts charging him. I did think about trying to stop the charge but what am I telling my daughter? That's it's okay to be an abusive alcoholic. No. Can't do that. My children have been hurt enough.
He was living with a friend of ours. The friend let him stay cuz he felt bad for him but after a couple weeks it just got too much. My friend told my AH he had to leave. My friend didn't realize how much he drank and the drugs and his behavior. My AH even mouthed off to my friend. AH also told my friend that he will not stop drinking.
He totalled his truck a couple weeks ago at 8:00am. Drove straight into a pole then I think he tried to take off but the truck died around the corner. He snapped the pole. He had to have been going pretty fast to snap the pole and the pole was laying on the other side of the street. He went to the hospital by ambulance but checked himself out 45 minutes later to avoid getting a blood alcohol test. My friend with who he was living with told me he was drunk when driving the truck. He had been up drinking all night.
I've been having a hard time emotionally with all of this. I know what I am doing is right. No denying that. But I feel myself wondering if he is okay, if he is trying to get better, if he knows what he has done, etc., but then my head takes over and says stop that. Don't think with emotions. You are doing right thing.
My house is peaceful. No tension. My children have said that. My son now understands that it was abuse all along and the alcohol and drugs made it worse. We have a long road ahead but it is so much calmer. My anxiety is going away.
I have most of my family as support. One sister is talking with him and trying to find a place for him to leave, etc. so I won't be talking to her for awhile. I'm hurt and feel betrayed but what can I do. A few friends believe I was the problem of it all because he is such a good manipulator. I have my own friends that support me. I just have a hard time understanding when these people have seen what went on all these years and told me I had to do something and now they have turned. I guess they weren't my friends to begin with and I can't waste my time trying to figure it out.
Some days my emotions are overwhelming and just want the day to be over with. Other days I am happy. It's only been about 6 weeks that he has been physically gone from the house but emotionally I have been by myself for years so him not living there is not really a shock.
I am having a hard time moving his things. Especially in the basement. A girl that used to babysit my kids moved into the basement. I moved some things and threw away some but can't seem to go back down and do more. She has moved the rest to the other part of the basement so she can arrange it the way she wants. She is awesome. I hope soon I will be able to do the rest. Mostly everything in the upstairs and living room, kitchen, etc is all packed up. The basement seems to be the hardest. Maybe because that is where he basically lived and too many bad memories. I don't know.
I just wanted to update. I still struggle alot. Still kicking myself in the behind because I didn't leave him 5 years ago when I changed the locks the first time. I wasn't ready. Now I am.
Anyway, that's it for now. It's good to type it all out. I feel better now.
And you know what else? I am not embarrassed about being a victim of domestic abuse. I hid it for so long that it feels good that I don't have to make excuses and hide it anymore. It is what it is and I hope I will someday be able to help someone in a similar situation.
I read everyday but haven't been able to reply. But I wanted to update.
My AH has been out of the house since Sept 10 by an emergency restraining order as he was threatening my daughter. We had a hearing yesterday to see if the clerk was going to go forward with the complaint and they absolutely are. So it is the charge of "Threat to commit a crime" and maybe "intimidation of a witness". My daughter. Along with this complaint he is going to also be charged with 5 violations of the temporary restraining order as he had his brother text me two hours after he was served and left the house.
The clerk asked me if I wanted to go forward but before I had a chance to answer the Leutenant said this charge needs to go forward. Thank god I didn't have to say for it to go forward. I wasn't comfortable saying to go forward so with him doing it then it's the courts charging him. I did think about trying to stop the charge but what am I telling my daughter? That's it's okay to be an abusive alcoholic. No. Can't do that. My children have been hurt enough.
He was living with a friend of ours. The friend let him stay cuz he felt bad for him but after a couple weeks it just got too much. My friend told my AH he had to leave. My friend didn't realize how much he drank and the drugs and his behavior. My AH even mouthed off to my friend. AH also told my friend that he will not stop drinking.
He totalled his truck a couple weeks ago at 8:00am. Drove straight into a pole then I think he tried to take off but the truck died around the corner. He snapped the pole. He had to have been going pretty fast to snap the pole and the pole was laying on the other side of the street. He went to the hospital by ambulance but checked himself out 45 minutes later to avoid getting a blood alcohol test. My friend with who he was living with told me he was drunk when driving the truck. He had been up drinking all night.
I've been having a hard time emotionally with all of this. I know what I am doing is right. No denying that. But I feel myself wondering if he is okay, if he is trying to get better, if he knows what he has done, etc., but then my head takes over and says stop that. Don't think with emotions. You are doing right thing.
My house is peaceful. No tension. My children have said that. My son now understands that it was abuse all along and the alcohol and drugs made it worse. We have a long road ahead but it is so much calmer. My anxiety is going away.
I have most of my family as support. One sister is talking with him and trying to find a place for him to leave, etc. so I won't be talking to her for awhile. I'm hurt and feel betrayed but what can I do. A few friends believe I was the problem of it all because he is such a good manipulator. I have my own friends that support me. I just have a hard time understanding when these people have seen what went on all these years and told me I had to do something and now they have turned. I guess they weren't my friends to begin with and I can't waste my time trying to figure it out.
Some days my emotions are overwhelming and just want the day to be over with. Other days I am happy. It's only been about 6 weeks that he has been physically gone from the house but emotionally I have been by myself for years so him not living there is not really a shock.
I am having a hard time moving his things. Especially in the basement. A girl that used to babysit my kids moved into the basement. I moved some things and threw away some but can't seem to go back down and do more. She has moved the rest to the other part of the basement so she can arrange it the way she wants. She is awesome. I hope soon I will be able to do the rest. Mostly everything in the upstairs and living room, kitchen, etc is all packed up. The basement seems to be the hardest. Maybe because that is where he basically lived and too many bad memories. I don't know.
I just wanted to update. I still struggle alot. Still kicking myself in the behind because I didn't leave him 5 years ago when I changed the locks the first time. I wasn't ready. Now I am.
Anyway, that's it for now. It's good to type it all out. I feel better now.
And you know what else? I am not embarrassed about being a victim of domestic abuse. I hid it for so long that it feels good that I don't have to make excuses and hide it anymore. It is what it is and I hope I will someday be able to help someone in a similar situation.
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