Dad
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Dad
Hi. Haven't been here in a while. Just dropped in to see how everybody's doing. Lots of new folks I see; so glad you found this place. You'll get good support here.
My dad has been very sick these last few months. He has a few new diagnoses, to add to his liver damage from drinking the last 60-some years. He's in a lot of pain and does not eat much. I've thought of many of you over this time; I remember how you asked, "Do they ever quit?" Because, can you believe dad quit drinking (and smoking)? He says if he doesn't, he will die. It's been over 2 months since he had his last drink. After a couple weeks he said he never realized how drinking keeps you from your family. I almost fell on the floor when I heard him say that. My brother actually went to mom and dad's house, to deliver something from someone. He said hi to dad, after about 10 years of not speaking. Mom indicated dad cried after he left. Sad huh?
I like having my dad back. I can call and we talk about whatever. He's not as quick as he used to be, his mind is slowing. But HE's still there, thank goodness, no dementia or alzheimer's. Just that painful, ruined liver and that painful kidney problem and the cancer of course. I think he's a little humbled now. I am glad he is sober to experience it, painful as it is, because that is the stuff of life too.
I'm just taking it one day at a time. Trying to meet my responsibilities toward him and my mom without going full-out codependent, or overextending myself to the point where I hurt me. I think so far, so good. I think I've come a very long way since recovery began all those years ago.
So the answer is Yes, some of them do quit eventually. But you might have to wait 50 or 60 years before they hit bottom, depending on how old they are right now. Sometimes they die before they hit. I am just grateful to my Higher Power for allowing me some time with my dad, sober, both of us, however long that may be.
My dad has been very sick these last few months. He has a few new diagnoses, to add to his liver damage from drinking the last 60-some years. He's in a lot of pain and does not eat much. I've thought of many of you over this time; I remember how you asked, "Do they ever quit?" Because, can you believe dad quit drinking (and smoking)? He says if he doesn't, he will die. It's been over 2 months since he had his last drink. After a couple weeks he said he never realized how drinking keeps you from your family. I almost fell on the floor when I heard him say that. My brother actually went to mom and dad's house, to deliver something from someone. He said hi to dad, after about 10 years of not speaking. Mom indicated dad cried after he left. Sad huh?
I like having my dad back. I can call and we talk about whatever. He's not as quick as he used to be, his mind is slowing. But HE's still there, thank goodness, no dementia or alzheimer's. Just that painful, ruined liver and that painful kidney problem and the cancer of course. I think he's a little humbled now. I am glad he is sober to experience it, painful as it is, because that is the stuff of life too.
I'm just taking it one day at a time. Trying to meet my responsibilities toward him and my mom without going full-out codependent, or overextending myself to the point where I hurt me. I think so far, so good. I think I've come a very long way since recovery began all those years ago.
So the answer is Yes, some of them do quit eventually. But you might have to wait 50 or 60 years before they hit bottom, depending on how old they are right now. Sometimes they die before they hit. I am just grateful to my Higher Power for allowing me some time with my dad, sober, both of us, however long that may be.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Not sure how that little rage smilie guy got there but I wasn't able to delete him because I couldn't scroll down when I tried to edit and SR doesn't have a smart phone app. No raging going on here so please ignore him and replace with a smiling smiley 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
When I read your post, I did not see the rage guy. I instead saw all the things that you didn't mention. I guess I "saw" my life with my father.
My father died before he stopped drinking. He died from drinking. I wish I could have known him sober. My time seeing him sober was when he was too sick to drink. He died at the age of 57.
I think in my family I was the only one that knew or occasionally saw a different side to him.
I'm glad that you came back to post this. It helped me a lot.
Also, I do hope that you get a lot more time with this other person. Your father.
My father died before he stopped drinking. He died from drinking. I wish I could have known him sober. My time seeing him sober was when he was too sick to drink. He died at the age of 57.
I think in my family I was the only one that knew or occasionally saw a different side to him.
I'm glad that you came back to post this. It helped me a lot.
Also, I do hope that you get a lot more time with this other person. Your father.
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
57 is so young. I am sorry Amy55. I have not lost him yet but I can relate to the feelings behind what is missing. We all honestly do not know how dad has made it this long. He is a very heavy drinker and has been for 15-20 years straight (can't recall right now exactly how long but I know 15 minimum). About half to one case a day, in three shifts a day, doing nothing else but sitting and watching TV, smoking and drinking, between three sleep shifts. All these years. I have no idea how a person can live that way, even though I know all the words to describe why they do it. I'll take what I can of this sober man, while I've got it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
(((L2L)))
So good to hear from you! While I am so sorry that your dad is dealing with these health problems, I am glad that he is sober and actually dealing with them, as you say, it is some of the stuff of living. I am glad that he is living life sober, and able to have quality time with his loved ones. My mom drank herself, and smoked, to ill health, but got sober for some years, lived to 62. i was glad that she had sober time, to feel life and so her grandchildren could be around her.
sending hugs, and wishes for good things for you and yours,
love,
chicory
So good to hear from you! While I am so sorry that your dad is dealing with these health problems, I am glad that he is sober and actually dealing with them, as you say, it is some of the stuff of living. I am glad that he is living life sober, and able to have quality time with his loved ones. My mom drank herself, and smoked, to ill health, but got sober for some years, lived to 62. i was glad that she had sober time, to feel life and so her grandchildren could be around her.
sending hugs, and wishes for good things for you and yours,
love,
chicory
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((L2L))
What a blessing - your outlook and his opportunity to share this time with his family sober!
My dad passed away a little over a month ago ~ (you can read my post on that in the grief & loss forum) I'm grateful for the special memories & gifts we had!
I pray that this time of healing continues to you and your family - also for comfort for the pain for your dad!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
What a blessing - your outlook and his opportunity to share this time with his family sober!
My dad passed away a little over a month ago ~ (you can read my post on that in the grief & loss forum) I'm grateful for the special memories & gifts we had!
I pray that this time of healing continues to you and your family - also for comfort for the pain for your dad!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Thank you for coming back and sharing an update with us. I was thinking about you. I am glad to see that your journey continues to lead you into growth and love!
Blessings to you and your family today and always!
Blessings to you and your family today and always!
To thine own self be true.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thank you for the posts I am so sorry Ms Pinkacres for your dad's passing 
I am grateful to my HP because I know my dad could just as easily be gone already. I hope we might have a little quality time together before dad goes on.
I am so sorry Ms Pinkacres for your dad's passing 
I am grateful to my HP because I know my dad could just as easily be gone already. I hope we might have a little quality time together before dad goes on.
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