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Another step forward.... I have been having some positive interactions with my AW lately. We separated about 7 months ago. Been on a couple of outings that went well and I had a good time. It got me thinking about getting back together at some time in the future, not near future. I went through my head about living space and boundaries and all of that when it hit me. Why would I even consider these types of living arrangements? I thought about it from the point of view of what would I say to someone who had who posted here with the exact same types of issues. I would have said “how does that help your recovery?”. I turned my own saying on myself and realized very quickly it doesn’t. Would I go into a new relationship with these types of issues? Heck no! It was also a big help when later in the week I got an email where she stated that she was not an alcoholic and did not have any addiction problems. It was very manipulative stating her problem was with depression and that she couldn’t recover without my support. Major red flags there. I spoke to her a couple of days later and she didn’t sound right, like she was either drinking or using pills again. That same night I got a voice mail from my one daughter telling me she had talked to her mother on the phone and that she sounded funny, like she had been drinking or something. This whole situation reminded me that I have choices and I can choose not to live with her again even if she does get better. When I moved out I told her she was standing on her last bridge. I do believe its smoldering ruins have just crashed into the river. I think this whole process is a good sign of how my recovery is working. I did not engage or get angry or take the bait with the manipulation and mostly what I feel is relief. I can with a clear conscious put this whole relationship behind me. Thanks to everyone here who helped me get where I am. Your friend |
Your recovery shines through in all your posts! |
Mike, I always take something away from your posts. :) I think this whole process is a good sign of how my recovery is working. I did not engage or get angry or take the bait with the manipulation and mostly what I feel is relief. I can with a clear conscious put this whole relationship behind me. Kudos to you for all your hard work on your own recovery because it is shining brightly! Sending hugs of support from Kansas. :hug: |
One other thing I forgot to add to my post. During the course of our phone conversation she told me how I had been brainwashed by those Al-Anon people. :lmao I didn't know I was joining a cult. :) Your friend, |
I think your strength is an inspiration to us all, and how familiar it all sounds, when you think there is recovery and trust is regained-that old slur in the speech or something reminds you 'don't be fooled again.' I had such an incident this week, I was starting to relax and think things were getting better-not a good idea, I had forgotten about detachment. Good for you Mike. |
Originally Posted by m1k3
(Post 3140046)
I didn't know I was joining a cult. :) :lmao |
What an awesome post, it hit me dead center today! When I walked into work today, there was this message on my phone. "Please talk to me, I dont know where your at in your life, but if you give me one more chance, I promise to be the best husband that you could ever have and that you deserve" It was spoken with a sad sincere undertone, and Im sure a bottle of vodka between his legs... Your post really lifted me...Thanks! |
Originally Posted by m1k3
(Post 3140046)
...she told me how I had been brainwashed by those Al-Anon people... CLMI |
Cunning and baffling, this disease is (said in my best Yoda voice!) You handled it well, but I can imagine it was disappointing to hear her backslide. Prayers to you that its just a slip, Mike. Stay strong! ~T |
I needed to read this message today. Thank you, M1k3. :scoregood And....good job. |
And remember, when you think they may have been drinking it's because they were-- every time. Cyranoak |
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
(Post 3141723)
And remember, when you think they may have been drinking it's because they were-- every time. Cyranoak Your friend, |
Mike - I'm really proud of where you are today. Your journey, though a slightly different path than mine, has been a great model for what recovery can do!! Thanks for sharing! Shannon |
Just a little update. Feeling much better this morning. I have had time to digest what is going on and I have just moved from awareness to acceptance in the awareness, acceptance and action cycle. Divorce is inevitable simply because I no longer want to be part of this relationship any more. It doesn't really matter what the reasons are. I am going to take my time moving into action. I am working on a plan and it is really long term. There are several advantages to me holding off for a couple of years before preceding with the divorce due to my age. I will just take my time figuring this out but at least now the path is obvious. Thanks again for everyone's support. I could not have done this without y'all. Your friend, |
Mike.... You are so right!!!! Take your time and do what feels right FOR YOU. That's it. |
Originally Posted by GettingBy
(Post 3142154)
Mike.... You are so right!!!! Take your time and do what feels right FOR YOU. That's it. I really understand now when people talk about "working a recovery". It is hard work. Your friend, |
It really is hard work!!! I never really understood the concept of staying in the moment. My thinking disease had me projecting out days, weeks, months, years... my head would spin out of control trying to figure out the "plan" that would lead me to happily ever after. I'm getting better - much better - and just doing the next right thing. Breaking things down to "What do I need to do RIGHT NOW?" has made life so much more manageable, peaceful, joyous and free. Truly letting go of the outcome and accepting whatever happens has been in a word... amazing. My HP continues to surprise me with the people that seem to appear out of nowhere... at just the right times!! I no longer feel like I have to MAKE things happen... I just have to have faith that whatever happens is exactly what is right for me :) Transitioning from the former life of "death grip on the wheel" to where I am now has not been easy. I still have moments (and expect that to continue on for the rest of my life!!) where the stinkin' thinking/fear mongering/awfulizing rears its ugly head... but NOW, by the grace of god, I know that I don't have to live that way. I have tools to work through things in healthier (less controlling!!) ways! So.... cue George Michael.... "Cuz you gotta have faith, faith, faith!!!" George Michael - Faith (US Version) - YouTube Love and hugs to you!!! Shannon |
Work up a plan, then work the plan........ I'm glad things are a bit better, Mike. Take your time and proceed in a way that is best for you! |
Good for you Mike it is a great feeling when you know you have done the right thing. If you work it it works. HUGS your way it isnt an easy path |
It's amazing Mike once I was no longer living with XAH how my thinking changed and serenity came so I understand how you can't go back to that kind of life. When it's time, it's time. |
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