RadicalGfx

Hey,

Since I last posted, my mum has now being attending AA twice a week for around 2 months. I decided to move back home for a year to support my brother and dad through this and hopefully recover as a family.

I'm having problems knowing how to act around my Mother. A lot of information found on the internet talks about how to interact with someone who doesn't want to get better, who will not get better. My question is, my Mum reads her books and goes to her meetings but the situation still makes me so angry, to see her go from a week of doing really well to a week of going back to how she was upsets me big style.

I don't know whether I should take her alcohol off her, I don't know whether I should just pretend I don't notice when she's drank?

Does anyone have any advice on how you should act around someone who is clearly trying.

Pelican

Can you find some local Alanon meetings?

These steps also helped me:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Squagly

I know how you feel. I went through this with my wife. In the long run, when she drinks, the only thing I ever take away is her car keys and any joint credit cards. Unless you live in a dry area and the only way she can get alcohol is from her personal still, hiding it will just end up with her buying or even potentially stealing more.

You might want to read up on PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). My wife has gone through several lengthy periods of sobriety (including currently, although there are non-drug and alcohol related issues right now that relate to addiction). In any case, each time she went sober, she had lengthy periods of going a day, a week, a month, even three months and then relapsing.

From my observations, there are several parts to this. First, if someone is not 100% committed to sobriety, he/she will never get sober. The second part is the physiological manifestations. Two of the times my wife had lengthy sobriety, she spent ten days in rehab first. This makes the detoxing a little easier and the environment makes it much harder to succumb to temptation. At least with my wife, those first ten days are a pretty dodgy affair because even if she's not drinking, the DTs are so big that it is really difficult to avoid the temptation. With my wife, three months was the second obstacle. The other part is avoiding triggers, the circumstantial things that make her want to drink. As an example, if she drinks because she gets angry when she sees her sister, she should stop seeing her sister. If she goes out for drinks every Friday night with the girls and that just starts the cycle up again, she needs to eliminate that from her schedule.

I know full well the frustration, and it's just plain human for the frustration to boil over into anger to the point of belittling the person like a child, but it's generally counter-productive to shout and get angry. It took a long time to really grasp it (we've been married almost 19 years) and al-anon sites are littered with sayings about it, but you can't control her and force sobriety on her.

wellnowwhat

I would suggest Alanon as well. There are groups for teens (Alateen) and groups for young adults, as well as groups for adult children of alcoholics. Whatever group you try you will find some face to face support from people that know exactly what you are experiencing.

It's my AH in my case and we are together and he has no recovery - he's a closet drinker, gets quieter as he drinks and then goes to bed.

For me, when I heard "he's not drinking AT you, he's just drinking" it made a big difference in my resentment and bitterness. I stopped the "if he really loved me...." kind of thinking and was able to get some compassion for him.

I still get angry from time to time but I have tools now to detach from his actions and for me to release the anger.

I agree with making sure to take the car keys away. Pouring out alcohol is no solution, it just builds resentment and makes an expensive habit costlier.

I would try to stop noticing her drinking, stop counting empties, stop any sleuthing activities. The information gets you angry and doesn't help her. When I first heard this I thought it was crazy and impossible. Now that I practise it, what a relief!

If she's still going to her meetings and reading her materials, give her the benefit of the doubt. Even if you think she is not serious, it is her recovery and she alone has to work it.

Wishing you the best.