Why Can't He Leave Me Alone & Move On With His Life
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Why Can't He Leave Me Alone & Move On With His Life
Most of you all know my story here... Left e.x.a.b.f. 7 months ago, got a apartment for me and my son... I have been doing good for the most part, finally found peace and serenity in my life.
Last night I was out with some friends and sure enough the ex called and left a v.m. saying "Why are u shutting me out, why are you not answering my calls, you have to know I Love You"
What doesn't he get, I have removed myself from the relationship and surely to gawd deep down he has to know why...
When Is he going to finally accept that I have moved on and now he needs to.
Yes A Part of me Loves Him but loving him was hurting me and was un-healthy for me... I wish no bad on him, nor do I wish for him to hurt over this, even though he was so very mentally abusive to me, I still do not want him to hurt, I want him to move on, but he hasn't, he still calls from time to time and leaves V.M. They do not effect me, it doesn't make me want to run back to him, it only reinforces that I done the right thing.
I only want him to move on and be happy but I also realize that as long as he drinks he will never truly be happy, but I do want him to get over me.
Thank You All For Just being here for me and for listening.
Last night I was out with some friends and sure enough the ex called and left a v.m. saying "Why are u shutting me out, why are you not answering my calls, you have to know I Love You"
What doesn't he get, I have removed myself from the relationship and surely to gawd deep down he has to know why...
When Is he going to finally accept that I have moved on and now he needs to.
Yes A Part of me Loves Him but loving him was hurting me and was un-healthy for me... I wish no bad on him, nor do I wish for him to hurt over this, even though he was so very mentally abusive to me, I still do not want him to hurt, I want him to move on, but he hasn't, he still calls from time to time and leaves V.M. They do not effect me, it doesn't make me want to run back to him, it only reinforces that I done the right thing.
I only want him to move on and be happy but I also realize that as long as he drinks he will never truly be happy, but I do want him to get over me.
Thank You All For Just being here for me and for listening.
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He'll move on when he finds someone else to abuse.
Or when he gets sober.
My AXH backs way off when he's got a woman in his life. When the relationship ends, I know it before the kids tell me SHE is gone because he starts sending nastygrams to me again telling me how I ruined his life and how I need to honor my marriage vows and come back to him.
I don't wish the hell of living with an alcoholic on anyone, but my life is much easier when he finds a new flavor of the month. Because that's usually how long they last.
I might block his number, or change mine, if my AXH was sending me VMs like that...
Or when he gets sober.
My AXH backs way off when he's got a woman in his life. When the relationship ends, I know it before the kids tell me SHE is gone because he starts sending nastygrams to me again telling me how I ruined his life and how I need to honor my marriage vows and come back to him.
I don't wish the hell of living with an alcoholic on anyone, but my life is much easier when he finds a new flavor of the month. Because that's usually how long they last.
I might block his number, or change mine, if my AXH was sending me VMs like that...
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
Oh I agree with lillamy!!!!
I sooooo wish my exH would get a girlfriend. And a job. And I don't care which order they come in, I just wish he'd do it.
Of course, that's when I say, "helllooooo, powerlessness!" I'm trying to see the latest issues with my exH as an opportunity to stand up for myself and state my intention for my life. And that includes healthy relationships with healthy boundaries. All I can do is to maintain my boundaries with him (and all the others I brought into my life in the midst of my disease) and live my life. It's not always easy.
Whether or not your exbf gets over you is completely up to him. I have no choice but to interact with my exH because we have a couple of kids, but I can keep my side of the street clean and leave to him with whatever decisions he makes, even if they affect me. With my exA (relationship after the marriage ended) I had to go no contact--wished my ex well, and moved on to develop my own life with the help of Alanon and the SR community.
If you don't have to have contact with this person, I'd strongly encourage you to go NO contact. After a year and a half of that with my exA I realize I am developing an allergy to drama, and to anyone who thrives on it.
Hugs to you,
posie
I sooooo wish my exH would get a girlfriend. And a job. And I don't care which order they come in, I just wish he'd do it.
Of course, that's when I say, "helllooooo, powerlessness!" I'm trying to see the latest issues with my exH as an opportunity to stand up for myself and state my intention for my life. And that includes healthy relationships with healthy boundaries. All I can do is to maintain my boundaries with him (and all the others I brought into my life in the midst of my disease) and live my life. It's not always easy.
Whether or not your exbf gets over you is completely up to him. I have no choice but to interact with my exH because we have a couple of kids, but I can keep my side of the street clean and leave to him with whatever decisions he makes, even if they affect me. With my exA (relationship after the marriage ended) I had to go no contact--wished my ex well, and moved on to develop my own life with the help of Alanon and the SR community.
If you don't have to have contact with this person, I'd strongly encourage you to go NO contact. After a year and a half of that with my exA I realize I am developing an allergy to drama, and to anyone who thrives on it.
Hugs to you,
posie
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I agree with blocking his number if you can.
My ex is sober (I think) and I still get an occasional email. It has been almost two years. I don't block him because we have kids so need to communicate. At some point I think it becomes a choice to refuse to move on. I don't know. My xah and have completely different approaches to life and problems (drunk or sober apparently) so I can't really wrap my brain around what he is thinking.
I imagine if he gets another girlfriend he'll move on but that is a double edge sword because a girlfriend may go mucking about in my kids' life so I'd rather not have that either.
My ex is sober (I think) and I still get an occasional email. It has been almost two years. I don't block him because we have kids so need to communicate. At some point I think it becomes a choice to refuse to move on. I don't know. My xah and have completely different approaches to life and problems (drunk or sober apparently) so I can't really wrap my brain around what he is thinking.
I imagine if he gets another girlfriend he'll move on but that is a double edge sword because a girlfriend may go mucking about in my kids' life so I'd rather not have that either.
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