Hanging in there, but it's hard...

Old 10-16-2011, 04:30 PM
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Hanging in there, but it's hard...

It's been a few weeks since I've posted, been having a tough time getting over a nasty cold/upper respiratory thing. Still going to 1-2 Al-anon meetings/wk and going to personal therapy 1x/wk. Here's what's been going on:

-Still NC with my AH. He contacted my lawyer to let her/me know that he has started going to AA and was evaluated by our primary care Dr., who will be "monitoring" him. I could not believe she didn't send him to inpatient or outpatient rehab.

-It was recently our wedding anniversary...that was tough for me. My family is not being supportive in the least...they just consider me as being overly emotional/dramatic and can't understand why I just haven't closed the door and moved on already.

-My boss at work knows what is going on because I regretfully broke down and spilled some of my secrets in a weak moment and then she used it against me in a performance review, which I could not believe.

-The temporary orders for our legal separation went through, and now we have our court date to make everything "final". It all makes me start to hyperventilate.

I guess I just feeling very bad today and felt like I had to post...I have no one else to talk to. Thanks for listening.
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Old 10-16-2011, 04:44 PM
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Hi yellowbirdy!

I'm so glad you posted. Change can be scary, no doubt... But change... Is a good thing. It sounds like you are making good progress on your recovery and moving towards a life of peace and serenity.

As for having someone to talk to... I felt so alone for so long. I went to meetings and saw all these people... But I was scared to death to ask for their numbers!!! What if they said no?!? I went for weeks thinking that I was never going to get any phone numbers unless I asked someone to sponsor me. Finally one day this July, I was facing surgery. I was even more scared of doing that alone... So I finally found the courage to approach a couple of women. I actually blurted out, "well, I have surgery on Monday and I'm scare to death. Please give me your phone numbers!!" much to my surprise, these women all turned and started hugging me, crying, writing down numbers, offering me food, and babysitting!! That was a huge turning point for me. I was no longer alone. I had a sheet with several names and numbers... And the first few times I had a crisis, I called, and called, and called until i talked to enough people to feel better!!

SR has been good for the really late night stuff, but nothing beats real life voices, hugs, etc! When I got a sponsor... Man, the recovery just took off

You're on the right road... Just keep putting one foot in front of the other!!
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Old 10-16-2011, 04:50 PM
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Good to hear from you, yellowbirdy.

Often family members, and friends just do not understand what you have been living. When we try to confide in family, and express what we are feeling and living, we do sound like overboard drama queens because they cannot wrap their head around all the craziness we have been living. I was sharing an incident with a friend regarding XA, her response was. "Oh Marie, you have always been a great story teller, love your humor."
I was being serious as a judge, telling her the facts of the previous nite's incident.

As far as your boss, she is a snake. I wouldn't trust her. That is hitting below the belt.

Hang in there it will get easier. Sounds like you are making progress. Sending a hug and warm thoughts your way.
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Old 10-17-2011, 12:09 PM
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Hi Yellowbirdy...I am in a similar situation and this is my first post.

My spouse and I are separated because he has od'd on morphine and alcohol 3 times in the last year and a half. My son found him all 3 times and his sister was with him the last time. He has been an alcoholic for several years.

I finally moved out of the house because he wouldn't and now we are facing bankruptcy. I have full time custody of my children and am struggling as a teacher and single mom. If not for my parents, I would be on the streets.

I am here to commiserate and help, so let me know if I can. The one thing that keeps me going is my kids
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Old 10-17-2011, 12:41 PM
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Yellowbirdy, ((((hugs)))). You are in the right place to share and vent, we know what you are going through and how tuff it is. Just remember, this too shall pass. Your recovery is showing and that is good. Nothing much you can do about your family, they don't know what you are going through. As for your boss, (bunch of bad words!!) Don't worry about her. In my experience I found that as I progressed in my recovery the tools I was getting from al-anon worked very well at work also. As I became more centered and serene my job performance went up as well. I don't get near as bothered about stuff as I used to and find it easier to focus and stay on track.

Good luck with all that as going on and vent here as much as you like.

Your friend,
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Old 10-17-2011, 01:39 PM
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Gettingby makes a very good point here. There is no reason any of us should not have anyone to talk to. And you have us here, don't forget that! We are people behind the computer screen!

But going to in-person meetings and finding people who have experienced the trauma of addictions is very helpful and comforting. I know I can either vent there or just sit quietly and enjoy the feeling of not being alone.

I hope today is a better day for you. Keep hanging in there, it does get better!
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Old 10-17-2011, 03:23 PM
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I connected with everything you said, I find it quite hard to talk to family in this way, and another thing-your boss shouldn't be a boss if that's how she manages people.
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