good news/bad news

Old 10-16-2011, 09:05 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Posts: 338
good news/bad news

I have not been here for awhile-almost forgot my login...
I was finally starting to feel like I wasn't just faking it.
I knew all the stuff I had learned here and at Al Anon
but had not really felt it until recently. I was starting to reclaim some joy
I had not felt for a while.
My AH had some health issues and while I was concerned
and wished him the best, I knew he needed to handle
them on his own. My daughter texted me to tell me he had
a rough time with a simple procedure because his BP was so high.
He went off his meds about a year and a half ago claiming that his BP
was no longer a problem since he was not living with me anymore.
I thought that perhaps hearing this from the doctors would be
a blessing in disguise and he would realize that he needs to take better
care of himself.
2 days later the kids came over to tell me he was back in the hospital.
He had called my daughter at 4am to tell her he was in the ER and was going to be admitted. He said he would call when he had a room. He called a few hours later and was not making any sense. My daughter talked to the nurse who told her he was having delusional tremors.
I was in shock. I never thought it was this bad. Until recently
I almost had convinced myself that I had made much more of his drinking that it actually was and it was me being a controlling b****. But I knew it was enough to make me crazy and sick.
Again, I thought maybe this was his bottom. He would hear the truth from professionals other than me. And I knew he was being cared for. I didn't
waste time worrying or obsessing. I went to the lake with some friends and had a good day knowing there was nothing I could do for him. Even though my gut reaction was to go see him my kids told me it would not be good for either of us.
The next day he called me by accident. He was trying to call our daughter and her number is only 1 off from mine. He was getting discharged. I did not ask any details as to where and he did not offer any. My daughter called later that night to say he was safely at home and that although he heard from 2 doctors, 3 nurses and a social worker that he had to stop drinking and that he already had compromised liver function, he was convinced that this was all just a reaction to pain meds.
All the anxiety came back because I had briefly thought that maybe this would be a turning point. I had had a moment of hope for him.
I went to a meeting right after.
But this is what I know...
I am better equipped to handle this new situation because of Al Anon and folks here.
I know there is nothing I can d for him except pray.
I am grateful that he did not call me at 4 a because I know I am not strong enough to let him suffer the consequences of his drinking .
I am proud of my kids for taking responsibility for him-he has always been there for them. I am sad they have to go through it but know they have to set there own boundaries and let him know when they have had enough.
I am glad that I am detached from him and did not have to argue with him about seeking medical attention-he had enough sense to do that on is own.
The best thing I can do is take care of myself so I can be there for my children.
Thanks for letting me share. Just looking for support in this new situation. I have not had to worry about him medically before. Needing some enouraging words. Thanks.
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The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to jamaicamecrazy For This Useful Post:
Aegian (10-16-2011), dollydo (10-16-2011), Freedom1990 (10-16-2011), laurie6781 (10-16-2011), LifeRecovery (10-16-2011), sherby (10-16-2011), StarCat (10-17-2011)
Old 10-16-2011, 09:43 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
You are doing good!!!! Your recovery is showing.

His 'medical' problems are his, a consequence of his actions (drinking). Remember you
are not responsible for him, he is a big boy.

You have also, I M H O done the proper thing with your children, allowing them to be
adults and make their own boundaries. Just being there for them, when they get
frustrated, and they will.

Alcoholism is PROGRESSIVE and he and you and the children are now starting to see
some of the progression.

Sending prayers for you and your children.

Also saying a prayer that H's HP guides him to recovery in HP's time, not ours.

Love and hugs,
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Freedom1990 (10-16-2011)
Old 10-16-2011, 10:02 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
There were several times I thought my AD had hit a bottom, but that wasn't the case. I realized I was still holding onto some semblance of hope for her.

Today I have replaced that hope with faith, faith that God has a plan for her that I don't understand, and I am not going to get in his way.

She's currently sitting in jail on felony drug charges, and this isn't the first time for that rodeo.

It is what it is.

Meanwhile I will continue to work on my own recovery, moving forward each day.
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