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WAY too soon for amends, buddy!

Old 10-16-2011, 07:11 AM
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WAY too soon for amends, buddy!

I am seeing my STBXAH in court Tuesday for what hopefully is a final divorce hearing. I don't talk to him much and have blocked his email and phone. He emailed me today though from another account. The email was all like, "well, now I am sober (he lives in a halfway house and has lost his license and has managed to remain sober for a month basically under threat of jail) and everything's great and I am happy and ready to make amends, so here ya go..."

I am just SUPER angry about it. Just like two months ago he in the ER detoxing every five days and doing a million other crazy things and now he has this crazy girlfriend he met in a detox and no responsibility and he is like "wow, I am just so happy now and no longer need to drink!"

We actually had a great marriage (and even he would say so) until a couple of years ago when his drinking got out of control. It went downhill like a wagon full of bricks in two years!

I have serious doubts he will be able to maintain sobriety when all these happy feelings wear off and he has to face the mountain of debt he created in the past year and the fact that he destroyed his family and his good job. But, for some reason, him acting like he has just figured it all out now and he is so over me and just completely thrilled with life has made me unexpectedly furious. I guess I feel like, if it was supposedly so easy, why couldn't you do it for us?

Sorry, I am trying to bring my rants here more often so I don't burden my friends and family with all my bad feelings...ahh, that felt good.
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Old 10-16-2011, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Ladybug0130 View Post
I have serious doubts he will be able to maintain sobriety when all these happy feelings wear off and he has to face the mountain of debt he created in the past year and the fact that he destroyed his family and his good job.
You got that absolutely right. You should be glad that you won't be there when his s*** hits the fan. Because he's on a pink cloud right now shouldn't affect you one way or the other. He either will or will not. Time to move on. Karma will take care of it.
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:03 AM
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That's right, I had forgotten about the "pink cloud". I think in some ways that's what this is. I just don't like hearing about it while I am sitting here struggling to work and raise two kids!
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Old 10-16-2011, 09:02 AM
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Ladybug, Sending you a big hug. Your soon to be XAH is living in complete denial. His day will come.

For now, stay strong, and focused on you. I understand your anger and hurt. Holding on to all the negative allows him to live rent free in your head.

Time to go forward, baby steps, it will get better........
Sending you warm thoughts.............. Take care
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Old 10-16-2011, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Ladybug0130 View Post
That's right, I had forgotten about the "pink cloud". I think in some ways that's what this is. I just don't like hearing about it while I am sitting here struggling to work and raise two kids!
I completely understand struggling with work and raising two kids. I was in the same boat.

EXAH finally quit calling after I kept hanging up on him (this was back in 86-87 before caller ID).

His life was no longer my concern, nor did I want to hear about it.

Sending you hugs of support!
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Old 10-16-2011, 11:26 AM
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This is a thread that's come up a few times-frustration that a partner seems to get it together and start afresh behaving well for someone else. It doesn't change all the things that brought you to this point though, and you probably won't need reminding of that!
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