Stalking and invasion of privacy
 

So this morning I got notified of a particular person stalking me here at SR. I also got that person's name, IP address, home address, and SR user names - yes plural - this person has two user name's here. Apparently this person is not the only one with mad cyber-stalking skills - our administrators here are also very adept at watching you right back and finding out who you are.

Who is this person? My stbx husband. How long has he been doing this? A long time. He also hacks into my email accounts and reads my private emails, then uses the information to catastrophize and judge me as a person.

I am amazed that I hold so much interest for him, considering he is divorcing me. I am also sad for the idea that it must be really hard to live in his head, being so suspicious and sneaky all the time, instead of being able to be humble and honest and forthright. This kind of behavior sure doesn't look like someone seriously committed to working his program. It looks like a sad, lost, crazy person.

So here's a note to my husband:

I can only imagine the depths of your fear of me, and I am continually amazed at the power you give me over your life. I don't want it, never did, and quite frankly would prefer you just go away and let me get on with my life. I really have had quite enough.

I will NOT hide from you on the internet. I will not stop posting here and sharing my ES&H with the friends I have made here over the months of membership. I am not ashamed of anything I've ever said here, and your behavior hurt me deeply enough to seek help for myself. This is where I get that help. I will NOT change my user name. You are free as anyone else to read whatever I post here. I will NOT mention here your user names, either, because I respect YOU as an individual, regardless of whether or not you have ever shown me the same respect in return.

You see, I live my life on my terms, based on my own personal values and ethics of personal conduct, and I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks of me, you included. I treat others as I want to be treated, even when I don't get the same in return. Because everyday I wake up - it is my own face staring back at me in the mirror. I am proud of the woman I am, and I have nothing to hide or run from, even knowing you are stalking me here.

I hope that you can use this place to find your own way, instead of using it to try to glimpse into my life when you were the one who shut me out to begin with. I will say a prayer for you that you find your own way to peace and serenity and let go of the insatiable need to stalk others from the periphery of their lives. That someday you can break down your own walls to really accept what others have to offer, because contrary to what you may believe, the world is truly filled with a lot of good people who genuinely care for you. Go live your own life. I am.

This will be the only time I publicly acknowledge you here, and that I know you have been watching me for a long time, and now, so do the SR administrators.

I have the paintball gun of shame at the ready Tuffgirl!

Thank you for your post of strength.

Beth

Very powerful post! I love the strength in these words.

What a creep! Glad you're getting away from such a loser as he appears to be. You have us behind you all the way, tuffgirl. :wild

Wow, I thought my exabf was a nut job, he can't hold a candle to your soon to be exah.

Good job admins!

Thanks friends. And big thanks to the admins who caught onto something amiss.

Yes, this forum stalking is disturbing.

Many of us are just trying to post and work on recovery. Thank you admins for being aware and watching out for something like this.

Wow. That just gave me the creeps.... Big time. Makes me wonder about my own situation. I'm extremelly grateful to know that the mods/admin are savvy to cyber-stalking.

Tuff girl, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I admire your courage and strength to stand up against it.

wow-- sounds like somebody needs to get a life! EW!!!

Tuffgirl, if you didn't know it before, this should definitely prove that you are way better off without him. I'm proud of you!

Thanks, admins!

Tuffgirl you are so strong and I admire you, and consider you a wise friend, your words helped me today - we don't control anyone else, and whatever their actions are those are reflections on them, not on us. Way to go. Keep moving forward! Hugs!

OMG.... I have a big pair of boots, that I would like to kick right up his ass!

Hope he gets some help, that is just plain ass sick!

Dang...That is just plain WRONG.....BOO!! Mr. Tuffgirl

It looks like a sad, lost, crazy person.

No.....It doesnt look like he is...Dr. Bobby say's.... HE IS Sad, Lost, Crazy!!!

Im just sitting here shaking my head...WOW!!

Thank you, TuffGirl. Your courage and strength in the face of this gross invasion of your privacy is to be commended.

As for our admins and mods-again, kudos to them for making SR a safe place where we can share with each other.

A good wake up call to all of us to make sure and practice "safe surfing." I know of what I speak, as my ex husband invaded my cyber privacy - since then, I am careful to the point of paranoia.......

Wow. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this TuffGirl.

My ex stalks me here too (and God knows where else) although I don't have the proof you have. I opted not to change my username as well. This isn't new behavior for my ex but for whatever reason it still shocks me. I've decided, like you, I will not keep it from continuing on my journey of recovery.

To my ex: if you're reading this, get a life.

Exah does not cyber stalk me (as far as I know) but he certainly has done his share of real life stalking in the 3.5 years since I threw him out. I have the same attitude as Tuffgirl. I do what I need to do to stay safe (online and IRL) but I certainly do not curtail my activities or what I say.

Wow. I'd like to say that I am shocked by what you said your stbxah is doing but honestly, it sounds like behavior I'd expect from my own stbxah & that's kind of shocking isn't it, that creepy/stalker/sicko behavior doesn't shock me?

In any event, you ROCK, TuffGirl. Good for you for your post and for staying put. He has no power over you and you are strong and amazing!

Great post, good for you. xx

Tuffgirl,

I'm sorry, you must've felt invaded. I'm glad you have such integrity. That's how I feel, too. I would want my words to be healing for me and maybe for a lurker or two, and by golly if my A were to read any of this, maybe he'll find his own path, his own peace.

My RABF had admitted he'd done some of the same things in the past. Because I write my truth, I don't worry that whatever I write will or will not "make" anything happen. You and I...we're just not that powerful.

I applaud you your grace here.

Wow thanks all for your support! Someone here once told me to live up to my username. That stuck, even though at the time it really made me mad! And I have learned in my own recovery process to always speak with truth and don't say things you would be ashamed of later.

Today, I feel sad for him...not pity, he does this stupid stuff to himself, all by himself...just sad for the hot mess he is inside to be so afraid of life that he has to hide from everyone and just peer in illegally once in a while. Why not just do the right thing and stand up to your responsibility to your family? Sheesh... how sad and lonely that must be.

I wish I had time to stalk people. Unfortunately, I work more than full-time, finishing a second graduate degree, and raising two hormonal teenage girls and three dogs all by myself.