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Old 10-13-2011, 07:17 PM
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Strangers

The exRABF finished his year long program and I honestly don't know who this 'new' person is. It is like he lost his sense of humor too. Or oozes that 'love everyone' vibe which seems sorta Pollyanna-ish and disengenous to me.

Honestly, I am glad he is sober but I have kept my distance because I miss the person I thought I knew. I hope he comes back (sober). Before his relapse, he seemed more down to earth, more grounded but in this go at recovery he has become someone I can't identify with.

Is this normal for intense recovery programs? He actually is kind of well... robotic.. and doesnt seem to be as stong as I thought he'd be after his time there. It is as if he is still not still able to stand on his own two feet. And he is being sort of a dick to me which is uncool and hypocritical given his new beliefs and all he supposedly learned.

He hasn't made an amends to me, not sure if he ever will but he put me through some sad stuff and I was nothing but present for him always. Now he barely talks to me. It makes me sad. Yes I've moved on but it is like he can't even be a friend and that part puzzles me. Maybe I'm too much of a trigger, I don't know.

I am keeping my distance but just observing his changes and scratching my head. Others say he will come around and talk to me more. I don't see signs of it though at this juncture. I don't see the 'recovered' part, only the abstinate part of his not drinking.
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Old 10-13-2011, 07:31 PM
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Just had to say, It's not you. Yes he did act like a Dr. jeckyl, mister Hyde. That's him, not you.

Know I'm not supposed to offer medical advise, but did you ever think that he might also have depression? Alcoholism is a lot of times a mask for something even deeper.

I'm an alcoholic (60 or 70 days sober) and I can tell you I had a lot of depression, albeit situational depression.

Take care of yourself, you are the only one that can do that. Release the problems that your H has, he will, or he will not take care of them, you can't do anything about them.
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Old 10-13-2011, 07:36 PM
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Good point Amy, he was diagnosed with depression. He said he was getting treatment for it though. I am sure I am only seeing a slice (given how distant we've become) of his life now.

I'm sure it can't be easy.
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Old 10-13-2011, 07:37 PM
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Give him some time. He's been in a program for a year. For a year he was safe and protected and learning that it's scary out there for an alcoholic and it's easy to falter. I know when I got out of treatment, which was only for six weeks, I was scared to death. I didn't want to leave the treatment facility because I knew I was safe there.

So, it could be that, or it could be any number of things. Maybe just step back and let him come to you if that's what he decides he wants. Otherwise, just go on with your life and wish him the best.
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Old 10-13-2011, 10:10 PM
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I'm sorry that he's not the person you knew - or were waiting for. It's very hard to feel unappreciated and like you have been set aside. I know exactly how you feel, I am still going through a bit of this myself. But a year-long program does seem like it would be very intense, so maybe he is still adjusting to being back in the world. That's still no excuse for him to be a dick to you, of course. It sounds like continuing to watch him from a distance is a good idea right now; keep an eye on him but keep focusing on you!
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Old 10-13-2011, 11:46 PM
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Take it easy and slow. You don't have to figure it all out today. Sending you a (((hug)))
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Old 10-14-2011, 06:51 PM
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I definately have stepped back. Way back. I am even seeing someone new and proceeding very very slowly. No more rush romances that crash and burn.

But I still have the other one on my mind from time to time. We were very close. Just hope he comes around to being the warm person I remember, the friend I'd hope he would be once he got out.

Time will tell and in the meantime I am moving forward.

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