Pelican

Hi everyone,
Just thought I would share what is happening in my world. A brief backstory - I came to SR to find support for my alcoholism. Today, I am still a sober recovering, grateful alcoholic!

I stayed at SR to find support for myself in my marriage to an alcoholic. I moved my focus to the Friends and Family forum to find answers. I was married for 14 years and a stay at home for 12 of those years. I got sober, but he did not. His alcoholism got worse.

I divorced and moved myself and 2 teenagers 100 miles away to begin a new career and new life in a new community. We have been here 2 1/2 years and this is how our life looks today:

Financially, I had to face the facts and filed for bankruptcy last year. I was buried in debt and living paycheck to paycheck without room for a sneeze. Today I still have a car payment (and I am right side up on the loan), rent and utilities and we are making it.

Career, I took a step down from my high stress Sales manager position and moved to a different department to work as a sales associate (retail) earlier this year. I took a big pay cut, but felt we could make ends meet if we worked together to trim the fat. My kids were supportive and willing to help make cut backs in our expenses. Peanut butter and jelly is still my favorite!

Education, I got inspired by fellow members here at SR and through a friend working at the local technical college to return back to college and get my degree. I started with part time online classes, and kept adding each quarter/semester. I am now taking a full load and will graduate in May with a degree in HIT (Health Information Technology) - working with medical records.
So my son and I are taking classes at the same college . He attends on campus and I take most of my classes online.

AXH, is still an ex husband. He got sober, got a sponsor and worked the program for a while at the time of our divorce. I was encouraged and supported him from a distance. After what seemed like a continued path of recovery, we attempted a long distance relationship.
With electronic technology, it is easy to hide slurred words. Yes, he found his way back to alcohol and lied to protect me. I knew what I needed to do to take care of Pelican... No Contact.
Today, we communicate when needed. We can enjoy a brief visit when we see each other where the children are involved, but otherwise we stay on our sides of the street.

Other relationships, I tried dating locally and then I tried online dating (that should have it's own support forum, btw). There was one steady guy for a little while, and we drifted apart. So I went back online and there was the same local guy saying Hi again. He had been saying Hi for six months, but I refused to meet him. He wasn't what I was *looking* for.

After the failed reconciliation, and the fading out of another relationship - I had a talk with Pelican. I knew what I was looking for emotionally in a relationship: Open, honest, forthright and treats me with respect as an equal partner in life - kinda guy. But I was always trying to place that into the same physical package: Tall, strong, older, silent type. I would repeatedly end up with the same result. Emotionally unavailable, intimidating and easy on the eyes, with grey hair.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

So I asked myself why was I avoiding the nice guy online? What was I afraid of?
This is what I discovered. Age: He is younger. I thought I would be okay with younger, but kept avoiding younger.
Size: He is shorter. My height to be exact. (5'4")
Educated: Master's degree. Teaches at the local university.
I decided my previous standards were not working for me. Time for a change. We agreed to meet. I was honest with him as well as myself as to why I kept avoiding our meeting. He appreciated my honesty.

I now have a relationship with someone who is open, honest, forthright and treats me with respect as an equal partner in life! And this relationship comes in a very attractive package!

Health, my health is an ongoing experience. I am 47 and going through pre-menopause. My docter believes I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PMDD. It is like a three ring circus, and I never know which act is taking center stage. Here is some fun: I am 47 and was put on birth control pills. Haven't had those in 18 years. I am taking them for the estrogen. Trying another prescription for the anxiety. Jury is still out, but it seems to be helping. I was honest with my doctor and uncomfortable with some of the medication she prescribed (due to risk of dependency/abuse) previously. I continue to look at available options and look forward to the day when I can reduce some of the stress of school in combination with work. I am looking forward to focusing on career, family and relationship.

Today, I am thankful. Thankful for SR. Thankful for opportunities. Thankful for a new journey!

Peace and hugs to you!

boomerlady

Thanks, Pelican. What a hopeful post! You should be proud of yourself. I want to thank you for giving myself and others on SR who live with active alcoholics and want to leave, hope for the future. Your future sounds bright.

BobbyJ

Well, Holy Shet...If that ain't inspiring, dont know what is!!!

catlovermi

Oh, Pelican, this says a million words about your changes, about what you have shown your kids about character, how you have bonded with them to show them what is really important in life, how you have led by example. That one sentence says so much, and is so impressive to see in your kids, especially in their age range.

Kudos to you.

And the rest of your post was wonderful to read: breaking paradigms to come to new solutions, discovering all the realms we limit ourselves from when we create our own barriers.

Thanks so much for the update!

CLMI

Tuffgirl

I like the idea of reevaluating your "ideals" and dating someone who doesn't fit that image we all carry around in our head. I am going to remember that...probably a wise thing for me to do as well. Sometimes I think doors open in front of me and I turn my nose up at them, only to find later I missed out on the right path.

Thanks for sharing!

P.S. HIT - you rock! I am knee deep in HIT education initiatives in my state...super exciting area of industry!