An Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 9
An Introduction
Hello,
Been lurking here for a while... and in the rooms of Alanon for about 2 years. Thought I'd share my story.
How it was:
I married my college sweetheart, and things were generally good for the first 8 years. Looking back there were clues that neither one of us were completely healthy. She always had a little bit of trouble controlling her drinking. More fundamentally I always felt like I was there to ''save her" and then she would love me. The drama was mostly manageable and for the most part we were happy for quite a few years till the birth of our children (now 7 and 5). It was shortly after our second that things really went off the rails. Over the course of the next 2 years, as the disease progressed I tried everything, manipulating, coercing, covering up, co-partying (if you can't beat them join them). The spiral of alcohol, sex and drugs sucked us both in, and there was crazy-ness that isn't worth delving into here. At a certain point I said "this is crazy" and was able to step away, she wasn't. Eventually she got into the rooms, spent quite a while in and out, got into rehab, and back into the rooms. Somehow I kept it all together, and eventually found Alanon. After months of therapy we decided divorce was the best choice for our family. After many more months of mediation we finalized that.
I went to Alanon on a dare basically... I was nagging her about going to AA and she said nastily "Maybe you should go to Alanon!?"... So I did. I think my recovery was as difficult as hers was, and literally the rooms saved my life.
How it is now:
We are both active members of our respective twelve step programs. We co-parent, and although it is not perfect, it works. I do my best to stay "on my side of the street". I know that although things are good now, and her sobriety makes my life easier, I could be at peace even if she relapsed. She sent me a text today asking about school pictures and I wrote back "You decide. I trust your judgment." I never thought I would write those words.
Thank all of you here for your posts. This forum is a nice complement to my Alanon work.
-Brian
Been lurking here for a while... and in the rooms of Alanon for about 2 years. Thought I'd share my story.
How it was:
I married my college sweetheart, and things were generally good for the first 8 years. Looking back there were clues that neither one of us were completely healthy. She always had a little bit of trouble controlling her drinking. More fundamentally I always felt like I was there to ''save her" and then she would love me. The drama was mostly manageable and for the most part we were happy for quite a few years till the birth of our children (now 7 and 5). It was shortly after our second that things really went off the rails. Over the course of the next 2 years, as the disease progressed I tried everything, manipulating, coercing, covering up, co-partying (if you can't beat them join them). The spiral of alcohol, sex and drugs sucked us both in, and there was crazy-ness that isn't worth delving into here. At a certain point I said "this is crazy" and was able to step away, she wasn't. Eventually she got into the rooms, spent quite a while in and out, got into rehab, and back into the rooms. Somehow I kept it all together, and eventually found Alanon. After months of therapy we decided divorce was the best choice for our family. After many more months of mediation we finalized that.
I went to Alanon on a dare basically... I was nagging her about going to AA and she said nastily "Maybe you should go to Alanon!?"... So I did. I think my recovery was as difficult as hers was, and literally the rooms saved my life.
How it is now:
We are both active members of our respective twelve step programs. We co-parent, and although it is not perfect, it works. I do my best to stay "on my side of the street". I know that although things are good now, and her sobriety makes my life easier, I could be at peace even if she relapsed. She sent me a text today asking about school pictures and I wrote back "You decide. I trust your judgment." I never thought I would write those words.
Thank all of you here for your posts. This forum is a nice complement to my Alanon work.
-Brian
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family Brian!
Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home.
It appears you have found a healthy way to take care of yourself and your children. Good on you! You are a good dad!
Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home.
It appears you have found a healthy way to take care of yourself and your children. Good on you! You are a good dad!
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Hello and Welcome. Thank you for sharing your positive journey from then to now. You are a prime example that things can get better. I am glad that you have found peace, and I hope others get as much out of SR as you have; I know I have appreciated all these supportive posts in my journey as well.
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