Chimmy

Hi,

I have been on here before - my Mother is an Alcoholic, I keep a diary of her drinking and it's pretty much been 2 weeks on, 8 weeks off over the last year - which isn't too upsetting anymore - I get 8 weeks with my sober Mum which is great, and I can just write the other two weeks off as I cut off all contact when she is drinking.

She used to stop drinking, take those tablets that make you sick and then be OK for ages, get back in contact, and that would be it until next time.

This time, it was worse than usual, there was that run up of phone her, sometimes she would be OK, denying it all the way, sometimes, you are not 100% sure - maybe she is just tired, then she had a big blow out - the worst its been for a long time, didn't hear from her for just over 2 weeksm then she is ringing me, all remorseful and sorry blah blah blah...... then Monday and Tuesday this week, she was OK during the day, and tipsy in the evening, but again the is she isn't she, yesterday there is no mistaking it, so I said you're drunk I'm not speaking to you, and hung up, then today she rings, she is OK, hungover maybe, but sober denying it all which rings alarm bells. She has managed to be sober for about 6 days in all so it worries me, why the change in pattern, I know she didn't go back on her tablets this time - she says she doesn't need them as she is going to councelling - which is making things 10x worse. Maybe this is the change in pattern?

Anyway my question is......... Why do alcoholic's outright lie about their drinking when it is so obvious when they are drunk, do they really think we are that stupid? And also am I supposed to just ignore it, or be angry? I am angry obviously but should I be shouting at her, or just ignoring her, as long as she isnt' drinking?

Also you know that smell of nail polish remover alcoholics get - is that a sign something is seriously wrong?

Thanks
Anna

RyanRed

Hey there.

Well the reason alcoholics lie can be many reasons, but Ill tell you why I did when I was drinking. I would lie because I was ashamed of myself, and I didn't want the world to know how screwed up I really was. I mainly lied about how much I drank the night before if I was ever asked. Tell people I had 3-4 drinks when in reality I polished off an entire bottle or more.

And here's something more stupid. I would also keep empty bottles around my house even though they were empty! I did this for 2 reasons. 1. Even though I knew the bottle was empty, I kept it because if I tossed it in the trash it mentally validated I drank it all. Crazy I know... And 2. I didn't want to collect all my vodka bottles and toss them all at once cause I would SEE my addiction for what it was with all these empty bottles all at once.

So I was lying to myself. So if we lie to ourselves, you bet your butt we will lie to others. I did it, and Im sure most of everyone with a drinking past here did it. We don't think your stupid, nor trying to insult you. Its all about the alcoholic really. We can be very selfish people.

As for the nail polish smell. Well I'm guessing that's just the alcohol seeping though her pours from drinking recently. That's my best guess.

Stay strong my friend!

-Ryan

Chimmy

Actually, she does that as well - the keeping the bottles around, and she did used to say she was only drinking 2 minature bottles of whisky - well there is something seriously wrong with her if that gets her that drunk!!

She was sober for 5 years at one point, I just don't understand how we got back to this point. She was sober for so long because she went to rehab, but this time she is sober most of the time so rehab probably isn't going to really help! It is so frustrating!

Well done you for staying sober, I understand that it is such a hard thing to get yourself out of, I really admire you x

Freedom1990

If she's been through rehab, she already knows the drill and has the tools to achieve long-term sobriety. She made the conscious choice to go back to drinking and chooses not to use the tools that rehab gave her.

m1k3

I agree with Freedom. As for her addiction remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. All you can do is focus on your recovery. Keep going to Al-anon and working on your detachment. Be gentle on yourself and take care of you.

Why do active alcoholics lie? Its who they are and what they do. Active alcoholics lie, all of them. It is part of their disease.

Your friend,

breakingglass

hey Ryan... my AH does that too....the bottles are everywhere...empty. once he even took our recycle bin and went up the street with it and put a bottle in this neighbors bin, one in that neighbors bin, etc... to have them all in our bin would have been embarrassing for him. he is still up to those tricks.... after 4 years of verbal abuse and many broken things, i left. but i still love him and feel the utmost compassion for him. what will it take to make him get help?? i will never understand this disease...never.