Relationship with a recovering alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Originally Posted by Tuffgirl 
OMG this sounds exactly like my soon-to-be ex husband. Without sounding harsh here, because I mean it with the best of intentions - RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!She is not ready for a relationship nor "mother" material.
This behavior will only end when she ends it. It is not your baggage. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you sure as heck can't cure it.
There are plenty women out there who are kind, trusting, mature, and waiting for a man like you. I know, I am one (well...the kind, trusting, mature part...I need another man like I need another hole in my head after this alcoholism fueled disaster of a marriage)......................
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This behavior will only end when she ends it. It is not your baggage. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you sure as heck can't cure it.
There are plenty women out there who are kind, trusting, mature, and waiting for a man like you. I know, I am one (well...the kind, trusting, mature part...I need another man like I need another hole in my head after this alcoholism fueled disaster of a marriage)......................
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She is still newly sober. And given what you've told us....I'd say she isn't working her program.
I am concerned more about YOU than her. You cannot save her.
It is not your job to come running whenever she gets a wild hair, has a panic attack or just decides she "needs" you. She managed just fine BEFORE you and she will again.
You said your a single dad....I want you to look at this woman objectively.
what would you tell your child...if they were to come home and say they were considering this person as their lifelong mate??
It's amazing what we will settle for but when it comes to our kids we can say see things a bit more clearly and tell them not to settle. Not to accept the unacceptable and warn them off a long difficult life.
Good luck...
And please remember there ARE other fish in the sea...and healthy ones to boot!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Regardless of her and I working out, she is an incredible person and I want to see her make it through this
Thing is I couldn't and can't. Not to sound cold but she needs to own this and work it herself. As an adult child of an alcoholic I can tell you that your daughter does not need this in her life.
Also having raised two daughters through their teenage years while their mother was going down the path of alcoholism I can say as a fact you do not want an unstable person in the house with a daughter who is going to be going through all the hormone changes and drama that come with being a teenager. Trust me, it sucks big time.
Tuffgirl had it right, run away.
BTW, you do realize that if she relapses the odd's are that she will blame it on you. Again based on my experience with my wife when she started talking and acting like that she was setting herself up for a binge. This may not be the case in your relationship but don't be surprised if it does happen.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by m1k3
Again based on my experience with my wife when she started talking and acting like that she was setting herself up for a binge.
Thanks for pointing that out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by MDH2Os
My daughter is 11. We have went through the clingy phase at the beginning but that has pretty much gone away. Yes, this is part of the anxiety, but the reasons for that anxiety have passed and even my GF has said that it has improved drastically and our children get along very well. I think she is still struggling with the potential of becoming a stepmom and this is mostly due to her own experiences with her step parents. She also feels that one more thing added to her life (normal single parenthood) is just too much. In reality her plate is no fuller than anyone's is, but she tends to dump it in one large pile and look at it that way which can be overwhelming for anyone. It's like the old adage "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
Also, is your ex or her ex giving either of you a hard time?
I went through this with my kids and my step kids. AND it's still some problems there even after 10 yrs. It certainly adds to anxiety and stress.
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