How do you know when a boundary has been removed?
 

Yeah, dumb question... but I want to do this right!!

Sister stated on July 5th that she didn't want anything to do with me, my family, etc. That she needed her space and didn't want to interact at all. Yeah... manipulative boundary but it is her boundary so I have respected it.

I have not reached out, interacted, etc. Now she has apparently decided that calling me on the phone (after the first time when I was so shocked I didn't know what to do I have since stopped answering the phone), coming to my girl's football games and trying to talk to me, and accepting an OLD Facebook friend request, etc. is 'ok'. (FWIW, I have now blocked her from my FB page.)

Looking back I can see that this is a pattern with her. In the past when things weren't going well we wouldn't speak, etc. and then she would figure that enough time had passed and all was fine. I went along... then.

She imposed this boundary about 11 months into her recovery. She has to be the one to remove it, right? How does that happen?

Trust me... I now have MY boundaries and understanding of acceptable behavior but I don't want to do this wrong?

Any input is most appreciated.

I would ask you, how do you feel about all this?

Do you want her in your life, in your childrens lives, are you ok with her turning the tap on & off at her whim and the expecting you to come running when she has decided you have been punished enough.

I know what I have done in the past, people that have cut me off don't get another chance to hurt me, I don't let them back in, period.

May not work for you and it has not always made people in my life happy, especially close family members, in some cases it has forced us to talk things out before it got to far along in other cases there is just permanant estrangement.

Hope you can work something out that is beneficial to both of you.

If her boundary was that she wouldn't contact you and she has contacted you, you can assume the boundary is no longer in effect. Boundaries are set by those who control the action. She can't set boundaries for you, only for herself. So, if she's contacing you, she is no longer enforcing that boundary.

I agree with Suki. The big question is what do you want?

Your friend,

To me, that sounds more like she was giving you the silent treatment, not setting a boundary... but that's the cynic in me. My AH does the same stuff. I say/do something he doesn't like - I get the silent treatment for days, weeks, etc... and then suddenly one day, he's talking to me again - as if nothing had happen and we were suddenly on good terms.

Back in the day, I would be grateful to be off his "**** list"... today, I know I am worthy of better treatment than that.