Growing Up???

Old 10-03-2011, 09:05 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Baltimore MD
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Growing Up???

So my RAH is 6 months into recovery and now the meetings have stopped. I'm not sure the last time he spoke to his sponsor and I stopped asked. I gotta work on my recovery and stay out of his. Well, he had surgery a couple weeks ago and has been a real grouch since. I'm seeing old behaviors surfacing again, like last night he jumps me out my sleep by calling my name because he couldn't find something. When I complained that I had to go to work in the morning, he told he he didn't give a f***. He went off a week ago when my son ate some of his peanut butter cookies, which resulted in me going off because I just couldn't grasp the yelling over some damn cookies. He insisted my son go back to staying with my older daughter. Major inconvenience for me because now I have to run back and forth between two houses nightly, put food in two houses, and my son is a freshman in HS with a slight learning disability so I have to stay on top of his schoolwork. A bit hard when we live in separate houses.

I considered calling his sponsor and his therapist. Actually I've wanted to call his therapist for quite a while now. I know what it is to live with bipolar disorder and I can't understand a once a month counseling session. When my bipolar disorder was rampant I was in therapy and groups 3-4x a week. Thank God that's behind me now. He's on medication and they changed his anti-depressant and he's been introverted since.

I titled this growing up because I find myself thinking more and more everyday about what I'm doing in this marriage & my life. I'm 42 and not getting any younger. I don't feel 42, except for the aches and pains in my body and the hot flashes of early menopause, aside from that I'm extremely active. I run a recreation center for kids and do all kinds of sports. I like to dance and go places. He just wants to sit in the house and watch TV or videos. His idea of getting out is going to his social club with a bunch of old people who could be our grandparents, who drink and cuss all day long. Obviously, not fun to me. I'm college educated, he's a HS dropout. We go out and have alot of fun if I plan it or it has to do with my job - like professional football & baseball games. I sometimes get tickets and I take the kids from the rec and include him in because aside from that, we go nowhere. I'm just getting frustrated and wondering about my future. He doesn't work and doesn't seem to do anything towards getting a better life now that he's sober. He does have to have a few more surgeries (shoulder & foot) but I've suggested computer classes or GED classes -- SOMETHING!!! He'd just rather go out and talk with the old folks about back in the day. Please note he's only 37!!! He has a sorted past -- running the streets and I'd lie if I said the stories he tells are mini-series material but after 8 years, it gets a bit dry and redundant. So what you had $21K when you were 21, now you don't have sh** and so what you gave your kid's mothers alot of money - I don't get sh**! Can you imagine he told me last week he wants to see my paystubs because he hasn't gotten anything. Hello, I unlike him raise my kids solo, there's nobody to take care of them. He has "baby-mamas" and can play the part-time father, I can't. I know I can't work forever and have no savings. I actually ran my credit report last week and I'm $56K in debt between student loans, medical bills, unpaid bills and the car he totalled drunk in 2008 that he was unlicensed to drive. I think Im just finally growing up and looking at life on life terms and I'm not happy with it.

It's so much I'm feeling. Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 10-04-2011, 04:41 AM
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I'm no angel!
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Location: tampa, fl
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Well, if it were me, I would ask myself this question:

Is this really how I want to spend the rest of my life? In debt and supporting a freeloader?

As long as you stay with him you will accumulate nothing except more debt

It's your call.
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Old 10-04-2011, 06:39 AM
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I heard a whole lot of he did this and he did that and this happened to me.
To be honest, there's not much to work with in that.

He's got your attention, that is for sure.
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Old 10-04-2011, 08:30 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Baltimore MD
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Thanks for all the feedback. Its the usual Dr Jekyll Mr. Hyde problem. Right now is horrible but other days are great. I read some CAL literature last night that reminded me that I'm dealing with someone with a disease. I don't know what I'm going to do as this morning brought more drama. I definitely am experiencing a SLIP - Serenity Losing Its Priority and not keeping the focus on me as I should. As "Programmatic" said he's got my attention and that's what has to change. I can't afford to get sucked into the disease of A. I'm going to my HP and laying it in his hands and if its his will for me to walk - trust and believe - I'm outta there. But Just For Today I'm going to remember to take care of myself and let God figure out the rest.

Thanks again
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