seek

My thinking is obsessive . . . and, for the most part, I think this is just the way I am wired. I think a lot. I am a "thinking type" on the Ennegram (which means I live in my head) . . . I have done a lot of work around this, but I doubt I will be able to completely change my way of being in this world.

The thoughts that pop into my mind tend to be "compelling" thoughts when I am relaxing, or sleeping, especially. During the day, it is not so much a problem, because I can keep myself busy with my life and positive stuff, but at night, the worries and fears and thoughts of drama pop into my head . . . when I wake up from sleeping, the thoughts are there - that is the most disturbing thing to me, is that they seem to be my "default" thoughts . . . fears about my daughter, worries about my grandson, wondering this, thinking that . . .it is really crazy.

The scenario is that there are these people in my life that I care about - at least one of them is drinking and acting out - and I have distanced myself from her - the others I have relationships with and try to support. I am filling in where the drinking person is not (buying food for my grandson, etc.) - so I am more involved in their lives than is healthy for me. I realize this is a choice I have made . . . it is a problematic choice - it feels like "damned if I do, damned if I don't" - I want to "be there" for my grandson because I don't want him to be neglected or feel abandoned . . .I have taken this role his entire life and I am glad I did, but it was a huge price to pay - still glad I did it. But the toll on my health is really significant . . .

Does anyone have advice about the constant thinking/worrying? I try to pray and "turn it over" but it constantly pops back into my mind. I am thinking of having hypnosis so I can have different "default" thoughts.

Tatertot

I am really sorry that you are dealing with this situation and I'm sure others will be along to offer wise words to you shortly.

However I can speak a little to the "thinking/worrying" aspect. I feel I am much the same. Especially at night I just can't "turn my brain off" I am constantly worrying about all of my responsibilities and spend countless hours playing "what if" scenarios in my head. When I finally do manage to go to sleep, then I will wake up at 4:45 am and the thoughts will immediately be there again and they will prevent me from going back to sleep. Unfortunately it's been a problem for me for quite some time...

I also thought maybe hypnosis/hypnotherapy might help me. So I tried 3 sessions of hypnotherapy to see if it could help ease my mind and try to help me sleep better at night. But the results were nada. Nothing. No improvement. The hypnotherapy was pointless. All I could think about while she was talking was stuff like "Why is it so cold in here?" "How long is this session?" "I wonder what time it is?" "Why isn't this working?" "Should I be feeling something by now?" "Why on earth is she telling me about escalators in a shopping mall??". I actually struggled to keep my eyes and mouth closed for the 2 hour session. But my mind kept racing the entire time and I was fully "conscious".

It was also freaking expensive... I tried 3 sessions because I wanted to give it a fair chance, but after 3 sessions I realized I was just throwing my money away.

I've heard that some people are suseptible to hypnosis and then it can really work for them. I guess I am not. So I would suggest you try it if you think it might be helpful, but just warning you that it might not work at all. Mind you I was at the point where I was willing to try anything.... unfortunately for me it didn't work.

But best of luck to you! I hope something works!

seek

I think I may need a lobotomy (which brings up the old joke about the country song: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy" - probably poor taste in this forum, but I couldn't resist).

I feel like I am POSSESSED. I guess that is a "character defect" but I have willingness to let it go and it won't go . . .

I have been working on this for years . . . was in Alanon for six years, have done tons of reading . . .have made lots of "progress," but the thinking/worrying is deeply entrenched.

I just hope when I die I do not have to witness what is going on with my family!

Tally

I was exactly the same and still struggle with it now to a certain degree, but I'm a lot better since I split with exABF.

I have a feeling a lot of it was to do with stress and maybe a lack of control or feeling out of control that had me worrying or thinking obsessively.

I used to constantly worry that something bad was going to happen to my daughter...such as her being run over or snatched...horrible thoughts like that. I would over think and over analyze every small problem or decision...even if something wasn't an issue or a problem...it would be by the time I'd finished with it.

Since the tension/stress left my life I'm a lot better, hardly ever have obsessive thoughts or worries like that any more.

Stress can cause havoc with the body and mind.

GettingBy

Seek -

When I first started to become "aware" that there was a problem of alcoholism... my nature was to seek out the solution. What could I change about me to make everything better? I was broken, there were things wrong with me... and so I dug and dug and dug. I took my inventory over and over and over again. The list of character defects was long and ruthless. And, it did a number on my self-esteem - and kept me stuck.

Today, I know that I have a tendency towards obsessive thinking. In certain situations, it's actually a really good thing!! (ie. troubleshooting an engineering project!) And in other's it's a ticking time bomb (ie. my AH's drinking!)

So, my initial reaction in recovery was, like you said, "I need to get rid of this character flaw!!!" I felt like I needed to wipe the slate of my life clean and start over. A few months later, I realize that my life doesn't need a complete re-set - maybe just a tune-up!

Being kinder and gentler on myself has really helped me. Letting go of my need to be perfect has helped me accept the obsessive thinking as a tool that I have to use with caution... and when I ask for my HPs help, the obsessive thinking just seems to resolve itself.

Turn it over.

LifeRecovery

Oh seek how I understand this post.

And then to add insult to injury I start freaking out about my obsessive thinking which gets me more obsessive.

The further I have gotten into my own recovery I noticed a pleasent surprise. I am NOT obsessively thinking all of the time. Actually now it means something is really bothering me, because it is usually not there.

Al-Anon helped, and I have done a lot of individual counseling. However a number of years ago I changed to a type of counseling called Hakomi. It is a body centered counseling which "forced" me to get out of my head and into my body some more. I HATED it at first, but I noticed something fairly quickly....it was moving me in a way that my regular counseling was not. The movement of stuff kept me hooked. It allowed me to open up and clean out a lot of wounds so they can heal, and I don't know that staying in my head would have allowed that.

I just started a meditation class this last week and I think that is going to help also. It is called Meditation Based Stress Reduction and I heard a lot of people with similar stories to my own.

Tater I am glad to hear your experience with hypnotherapy. I have always wondered about it and if it would add to my healing.

seek

I have heard of Hakomi, but will look into it further . . .thank you so much. I do know that body-based stuff helps a lot . . . I have made a lot of progress, but what I noticed just now is that when the A is acting out, then my anxiety returns and I begin obsessing . . .

I also think that there is some hard-wiring, re: being a mom. Your instinct is to keep your kids alive and you are rewarded for doing so for 18 years, but then "society" expects you to let go . . .letting go can be easy when your kid is thriving but when they are not, you can revert to survival mode, which is what I believe I do . . .it is very difficult not to be "scared" when your children seem to be damaging themselves . . . that goes against nature and what your "job" was as a mom (to keep them alive) . . . Now I cannot keep anyone alive and probably never could but I was supposed to try . . .

Will look up Hakomi now! Thank you!

Kittyboo

Seek,

I read this post earlier in the day and so wanted to write immediately...but work was in the way

I completely relate. My mind is constantly going, unfortunately I focus on obsessive negative thoughts. I will replay a situation that hurt me over and over and over. It's like an obsessive need to feel hurt. Like if I make myself hurt then the person that hurt me doesn't get away with it..... sounds so backwards right?

My thoughts have been the most difficult thing for me to master. They keep me tied to situations that should be left far behind, they influence my moods, they have made it impossible to focus on things I need to. Reading hardly ever happened as I would open a book and I would read the first page 5 times and still not know what I read! Others would be talking to me and my mind would be elsewhere. No way to live.

Being back in school, it is so important for me to be together. I went to a psych nurse and was tested for ADHD, I was given a prescription for Adderall. Life changing. I certainly rarely suggest that if there's a problem, immediately look to a pill! I've never been a fan of prescriptions, but I am appreciating where some are incredibly helpful.
For me the focus is much more intense, and the thing about it is that it allows me to switch my thoughts immediately when I choose to. If I am in class, i'm actually listening to the professor. It's the strangest thing for me. It has helped me a lot.

The above suggestions about mindfulness and meditations are extremely beneficial too, and can work just as well. Mindfulness is really taught in many therapy sessions now, and there is proven healing physically and emotionally through meditation. I don't think I really felt that meditation was worth while until recently.
Yesterday I had a rough day, I had negative thoughts going through my head the entire day, anger, hurt, just dealing with some of my recent emotions I think.

At the end of the day I was just like what am I doing to myself?!!! Why do I keep thinking about this over and over? It hurts, it brings me pain, I have wanted to let it go for so long. I felt so anxious. So I decided to search on YouTube for some guided meditation video's... I looked up Letting Go but they pulled up one about healing broken hearts...I felt that fit. It was 14 minutes long, and I closed my eyes and did the deep breathing for the entire time....
At the end of it I felt so calm, so at peace, so accepting of where I was at. It was almost the craziest thing!! For me, that proved the power of meditation. And I plan to make it a daily practice. In fact I am going to pull up a video soon.

I love guided meditation especially for anyone who has obsessive thoughts because it gives you a voice to focus on. It is easier for me to control my thoughts when I can listen to someone else. When I have tried to meditate in silence...off my mind goes! That's why I never felt I got anything out of it. You have to find the right meditative practice for you.

I hope any of this helps. Everyone has offered such great insight!

LifeRecovery

Oh yeah Seek I thought of something else. I have not done EMDR, but have done some EFT which has helped also. I have heard good things about EMDR.

I am sure there are other body centered therapy, but I agree the mindfullness can be a big help.

Part of my recovery was body work also (massage, rolfing etc). My body worker is also Hakomi trained, but it all helped.

seek

I looked up Hakomi and am interested and have contacted a therapist. Will report back, if I can afford it!

I have done EMDR and am a HUGE, HUGE fan of EFT. It is amazing.

I "forget" all of the tools I have at my disposal, especially in the middle of the night or when my traumas have been triggered and activated . . . then I am just "in it."

Thanks for all of the reminders and tips, everyone! Immensely helpful.

searchbug

I don't know what it is about here...but somehow people keep "reading my mind" and coming up with the same issues as I have. Or..it's just part of the territory?
It's almost 1 am, and I am here, desperately trying to think of some alternative that does not involve reading about this stuff, and does not require going anywhere (no vehicle).

Carol Star

walking, meditation, observing my thoughts (kindof like a game), ooppss, obsessing about so and so again.....yoga.......Holysync Meditation........

ARTEMIS

Hug...come here everyone cares

skippernlilg

I think you're off to a great start in solving this one. You know, until my recovery process this past year, you could have been writing about me! Even my cardiologist said, "I think this is just the way you are."

But, I also believe, deep down, that words are powerful and we often become what we say we are.

So, I also made a conscious decision to change that about myself. I find myself worrying about very, very, very little, if anything. Mortgage? Yep, tight budget, but sensible tools in place to make sure bills are paid and food on the table. Blessings abound!!!

Child? Yes, a pre-teen is especially challenging sometimes, but I see growth in that.

School and homework coming out of my ears? Oh yes, and I'm learning as I go.

It's really weird the peace that has overcome my life after EVERYONE has told me I'm Type A, wound up, too energetic, a big thinker...I've heard it all.

I've just been working the steps. That's what's working for me.

Carol Star

Was it Lincoln who said ? " we have to pay our bills but we don't have to worry about it -and paying bills is making "somebody" happy !"