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Don't Know How to Deal with Alcoholic Mother.

Old 10-14-2011, 04:58 AM
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Originally Posted by GiantK View Post
My concern is that if I tell my mom I don't want to come to her house anymore, or at the most stay there for more than a couple days that this decision will send her deeper into depression and drinking more, and even another nervous breakdown.
You can give yourself permission to release yourself from this "responsibility" to her reactions, and let her own them. At best, you can state to her outright that her reaction is hers and hers only to control (after telling her you do not want to spend more time at her place), and if she feels she cannot cope, here are x,y,z phone numbers for mental health facilities. You can say this straightforward and kindly; it doesn't have to be harsh or punitive, just factual.

(Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.)

You matter. You are allowed your truth. You have the power to oversee your own mental health, and allow it to be priority over someone else's mental health over which you truly have no control, but feel you might.

You cannot coddle or save an alcoholic into doing what you want them to do. You cannot twist yourself into a pretzel, trying to avoid their reactions to truths, and live a healthy life. They must ultimately face whatever circumstances that eventually cause them to want to help themselves, change themselves. Some never get to that point, and this is the hardest part of acceptance for their loved ones.

I'm very glad to hear your brother's care is secure.

Sending support,

CLMI
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