Figuring Out How to Not be Obsessed

Old 10-01-2011, 10:05 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
seek's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,071
Figuring Out How to Not be Obsessed

I do not live with my AD, thank God! And I would have little knowledge of her actions if it were not for my relationship with her son (my grandson). I think about him constantly, and provide for him, as much as I can (as she does not) . . .he is living in that environment. He just started college.

I think about them constantly . . . and want to let go of thinking of her at all . . . but I can't get some things out of my mind. She has actively tried to poison him against me - I try not to dwell on that, but it does surface in my consciousness, as do all kinds of other thoughts when I am in her house and see what is going on . . .

When I first noticed her problem, several years ago, I tried to talk to him but he said it did not bother him - I wanted to make sure he had resources. Now, I don't know what is appropriate, re: talking to him about the "reality" of chaos that he lives in . . .on one hand, I want to not collude with denial, on the other hand, it is not my job to bust open his system of denial . . .it is a very difficult line to tread . . .I told him a couple of weeks ago, that if things get bad, he can go here or there . . .

As far as my thinking goes (the obsessive thoughts) . . .it is a little more complex . . .I see him weekly, talk to him more frequently . . .I am aware of things that are bothersome . . .I have resentment towards her for lots of things . . .and I try to work with this through forgiveness exercises . . .but the truth is that our family has practically been singlehandedly destroyed by her actions . . .I don't buy the "alcoholism is a family disease - at least the part that blames the sober and functional family members . . .she has damaged relationships with me and her siblings and it has affected the entire unit, FOR YEARS . . . and that is not easy to come to terms with.

Meanwhile, she is having a blast, "life is good" as she posted on FB . . .the rest of us are coping or trying to pick up the pieces . . .

If I had no interaction with her it would be much, much easier, but as it is, I am aware because of my relationship with my grandson. I worry about him and what is in store for him and just pray constantly for everyone in the family.

I have lots of tools that I use but the number one thing I stumble on is that this is such a big secret . . . there are so many people in denial about what is really going on . . .some people are actively seeming to want the system of denial and I guess that is because they can't deal with the reality.

I want to focus on myself and do go through the motions but waste lots of time and energy thinking about her, and worrying about my grandson's situation. I feel like I am one of the only stable people in his life, so I feel responsible for doing what I can to support him.

Just processing, thanks for listening if you did.
seek is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to seek For This Useful Post:
dollydo (10-01-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:15 PM.