Figuring Out How to Not be Obsessed
 

I do not live with my AD, thank God! And I would have little knowledge of her actions if it were not for my relationship with her son (my grandson). I think about him constantly, and provide for him, as much as I can (as she does not) . . .he is living in that environment. He just started college.

I think about them constantly . . . and want to let go of thinking of her at all . . . but I can't get some things out of my mind. She has actively tried to poison him against me - I try not to dwell on that, but it does surface in my consciousness, as do all kinds of other thoughts when I am in her house and see what is going on . . .

When I first noticed her problem, several years ago, I tried to talk to him but he said it did not bother him - I wanted to make sure he had resources. Now, I don't know what is appropriate, re: talking to him about the "reality" of chaos that he lives in . . .on one hand, I want to not collude with denial, on the other hand, it is not my job to bust open his system of denial . . .it is a very difficult line to tread . . .I told him a couple of weeks ago, that if things get bad, he can go here or there . . .

As far as my thinking goes (the obsessive thoughts) . . .it is a little more complex . . .I see him weekly, talk to him more frequently . . .I am aware of things that are bothersome . . .I have resentment towards her for lots of things . . .and I try to work with this through forgiveness exercises . . .but the truth is that our family has practically been singlehandedly destroyed by her actions . . .I don't buy the "alcoholism is a family disease - at least the part that blames the sober and functional family members . . .she has damaged relationships with me and her siblings and it has affected the entire unit, FOR YEARS . . . and that is not easy to come to terms with.

Meanwhile, she is having a blast, "life is good" as she posted on FB . . .the rest of us are coping or trying to pick up the pieces . . .

If I had no interaction with her it would be much, much easier, but as it is, I am aware because of my relationship with my grandson. I worry about him and what is in store for him and just pray constantly for everyone in the family.

I have lots of tools that I use but the number one thing I stumble on is that this is such a big secret . . . there are so many people in denial about what is really going on . . .some people are actively seeming to want the system of denial and I guess that is because they can't deal with the reality.

I want to focus on myself and do go through the motions but waste lots of time and energy thinking about her, and worrying about my grandson's situation. I feel like I am one of the only stable people in his life, so I feel responsible for doing what I can to support him.

Just processing, thanks for listening if you did.