Alnon what to expect
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 46
Alnon what to expect
I'm new here.
My DH is an alcoholic. We have only been married 3 months but dated 7 years.
Once he starts drinking he does not stop and does not have a care inthe world about anything.
I want to start Alnon but am scared. What should I expect?
Should I go alone to my first meeting?
My DH is an alcoholic. We have only been married 3 months but dated 7 years.
Once he starts drinking he does not stop and does not have a care inthe world about anything.
I want to start Alnon but am scared. What should I expect?
Should I go alone to my first meeting?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
All Al-Anon meetings are a little different. Some focus on steps, some on topics etc.
The reason I say this is that they all have a little different feel so sometimes it takes awhile to find one that fits.
Most of us have gone to Al-Anon meetings and found that we are not alone in our experiences of living with someone with an alcohol problem. However many of us have found bringing someone with us can get us through the door. I am not sure what you mean about going alone? Do you mean bringing a friend or family member with you?
I did not say much at first when I went to the meetings, but I still learned a lot. I am a reader and read all the books Al-Anon had to offer which really helped me.
Al-Anon has been a huge part of my recovery and healing.
The reason I say this is that they all have a little different feel so sometimes it takes awhile to find one that fits.
Most of us have gone to Al-Anon meetings and found that we are not alone in our experiences of living with someone with an alcohol problem. However many of us have found bringing someone with us can get us through the door. I am not sure what you mean about going alone? Do you mean bringing a friend or family member with you?
I did not say much at first when I went to the meetings, but I still learned a lot. I am a reader and read all the books Al-Anon had to offer which really helped me.
Al-Anon has been a huge part of my recovery and healing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Welcome Stlsunny12! We are glad you found us.''
I dated my XAH for a year before we married. In hindsight I saw enough to have made me run but I thought all he needed was a stable environment. WRONG! Nothing could have prepared me for the insanity that was to become my life. After six and a half years I had to divorce someone that I loved very much. By then I didn't even know myself. This forum and Alanon have helped me tremendously. He kept spiraling downward and now seems to maybe have gotten serious about recovery.
At an Alanon meeting expect to find people who know exactly what you are going through. And expect to feel better when you leave than when you got there.
I started going to a meeting in a larger town about an hour away. Their meetings are larger and more structured than my local meeting. Once I found my local small town meeting I felt that I was home. There is a lot of sharing and I feel very welcome and free to say what is on my mind. Please keep on until you find one where you feel comfortable. And keep on coming back here!
I dated my XAH for a year before we married. In hindsight I saw enough to have made me run but I thought all he needed was a stable environment. WRONG! Nothing could have prepared me for the insanity that was to become my life. After six and a half years I had to divorce someone that I loved very much. By then I didn't even know myself. This forum and Alanon have helped me tremendously. He kept spiraling downward and now seems to maybe have gotten serious about recovery.
At an Alanon meeting expect to find people who know exactly what you are going through. And expect to feel better when you leave than when you got there.
I started going to a meeting in a larger town about an hour away. Their meetings are larger and more structured than my local meeting. Once I found my local small town meeting I felt that I was home. There is a lot of sharing and I feel very welcome and free to say what is on my mind. Please keep on until you find one where you feel comfortable. And keep on coming back here!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 234
In our area there are Newcomers meetings. These are geared towards people how have never been to an Al Anon meeting. However, don't worry if there's not a Newcomers meeting in your area.
There are many people who sit and say nothing, especially in their first meeting. There are people who sit and cry at their first meeting. Everyone there was new once, so no worries.
There are many people who sit and say nothing, especially in their first meeting. There are people who sit and cry at their first meeting. Everyone there was new once, so no worries.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
My Al-Anon groups fell like family when I am there. Al-Anon has been a life saver for me. I was in a very dark place when I started and now I have the tools and support to live a sane and centered life. I went to 5 or 6 different meetings before I found the 2 I currently belong to.
I really don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for Al-Anon and this forum. It was scary to go that first meeting but they made me feel at home and let me know I wasn't alone.
So, welcome.
Your friend,
I really don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for Al-Anon and this forum. It was scary to go that first meeting but they made me feel at home and let me know I wasn't alone.
So, welcome.
Your friend,
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Hello and welcome to SR.
It is a big step in the right direction to make the decision that you want to attend Al-Anon. Getting through the door for your first meeting is the toughest; the anxiety level is so high, and the unknowns just swirl around and around in your mind. When our loved ones are in the throes of active alcoholism we as the loving family become effected in many ways by the alcoholism’s destruction. Many of us cannot even remember how we had gotten to where we were/are. Some of us endure the pain or have endured the pain longer than others, but one thing we all have in common on these forums is that we have all decided to make the step toward a happier life without the effects of active addictions. Good for you for becoming a part of the SR family, and you should be proud of your choice to go to Al-Anon.
Taking someone with you can help ease the anxiety level a bit on your first visit. Telling him is not necessary in less you feel that he should know. If you do choose to let him know that you will be going to Al-Anon don’t let him try to talk you out of it. Al-Anon is for you, and is designed to help those that have been effected by someone else’s drinking. According to your post, his drinking has been effecting you. His knowledge of your intent to attend Al-Anon will not change that fact.
Keep posting here.
It is a big step in the right direction to make the decision that you want to attend Al-Anon. Getting through the door for your first meeting is the toughest; the anxiety level is so high, and the unknowns just swirl around and around in your mind. When our loved ones are in the throes of active alcoholism we as the loving family become effected in many ways by the alcoholism’s destruction. Many of us cannot even remember how we had gotten to where we were/are. Some of us endure the pain or have endured the pain longer than others, but one thing we all have in common on these forums is that we have all decided to make the step toward a happier life without the effects of active addictions. Good for you for becoming a part of the SR family, and you should be proud of your choice to go to Al-Anon.
Taking someone with you can help ease the anxiety level a bit on your first visit. Telling him is not necessary in less you feel that he should know. If you do choose to let him know that you will be going to Al-Anon don’t let him try to talk you out of it. Al-Anon is for you, and is designed to help those that have been effected by someone else’s drinking. According to your post, his drinking has been effecting you. His knowledge of your intent to attend Al-Anon will not change that fact.
Keep posting here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 317
I didn't know a thing about Al-anon the first time I walked through the door. I got there a few minutes early and was greeted by the only other person there, a very nice older gentleman who has been a guide and mentor and eventually a friend.
The meeting format varies by group, but you can expect that the first 15 minutes or so will entail saying the Serenity Prayer, reading the "Steps," and taking care of group business. Then someone usually does a reading or shares a story from their own life. Then other people share. Then a closing prayer. And it's over.
I remember three things from my first meeting:
1. I listened to a "Greeting to Newcomers," and heard that I wasn't there to fix the alcoholic, I was there because of the alcoholic. That was a novel concept for me...because at that time I really didn't recognize how much damage living with an active alcoholic had done to me.
2. We read "Just for Today" and I heard the line: Today I will do at least one thing I don't want to do. I didn't want to, but when it was my turn to share I did! Just a little, but it was a start.
3. I heard the phrase "There are no musts in Al-anon." Thatwas calming for me. If I didn't want to talk or share, I didn't have to. I could move forward at my own pace. That, and everything else I saw made me feel like it was a safe place to be. Eventually, it felt like home.
I don't know if that's what you were looking for Sunny, but I hope it helps!
The meeting format varies by group, but you can expect that the first 15 minutes or so will entail saying the Serenity Prayer, reading the "Steps," and taking care of group business. Then someone usually does a reading or shares a story from their own life. Then other people share. Then a closing prayer. And it's over.
I remember three things from my first meeting:
1. I listened to a "Greeting to Newcomers," and heard that I wasn't there to fix the alcoholic, I was there because of the alcoholic. That was a novel concept for me...because at that time I really didn't recognize how much damage living with an active alcoholic had done to me.
2. We read "Just for Today" and I heard the line: Today I will do at least one thing I don't want to do. I didn't want to, but when it was my turn to share I did! Just a little, but it was a start.
3. I heard the phrase "There are no musts in Al-anon." Thatwas calming for me. If I didn't want to talk or share, I didn't have to. I could move forward at my own pace. That, and everything else I saw made me feel like it was a safe place to be. Eventually, it felt like home.
I don't know if that's what you were looking for Sunny, but I hope it helps!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Mr. HG and I did not tell his addicted son we were going, but he was told later by his sister (Mr. HG's daughter). We figured the meetings were for us and it was not really his business. However, if my 'qualifier' were a spouse, I might feel it necessary to let him know where I was going.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I went to 3 or so different meetings until I found the one that was the best fit for me.
Going in with an open mind and a willingness to learn will help you to embrace your recovery.
As for telling him, well, that is a personal choice. I did not, as I knew that he would have attempted to talk me out of going or put up some kind of a roadblock or another.
There is nothing to be afraid of, you'll be fine.
Going in with an open mind and a willingness to learn will help you to embrace your recovery.
As for telling him, well, that is a personal choice. I did not, as I knew that he would have attempted to talk me out of going or put up some kind of a roadblock or another.
There is nothing to be afraid of, you'll be fine.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It may be helpful to talk about your fear of going to al-anon and what al-anon is NOT.
Does your fear lie in him knowing you might go? Does your fear lie with not knowing what to expect at al-anon?
Maybe if talk about what your expectation may be in attending al-anon, then the rest of us may be able to help you understand the program better.
Does your fear lie in him knowing you might go? Does your fear lie with not knowing what to expect at al-anon?
Maybe if talk about what your expectation may be in attending al-anon, then the rest of us may be able to help you understand the program better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 46
I over came my fear and went to my first meeting yesterday. It went well but I wish it was more younger group.
I think I will continue to go though.
Thank you all for your support and advice. I did tell DH after I went and he seemed okay with it. I think once I start making it a part of my life and dont feed into his drinking that he will calm down.
I think I will continue to go though.
Thank you all for your support and advice. I did tell DH after I went and he seemed okay with it. I think once I start making it a part of my life and dont feed into his drinking that he will calm down.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Here is the offset, the meeting I settled on had mostly younger people, I am older than dirt, yet, I was comfortable and it was right for me. The age division is something I really don't understand, we all can learn from each other...they called me mom and I called them kid, we bonded and I am still in touch with all of them, in fact I had a BBQ last week and we had a great time, or, at least I think so, as they wanted to come back this weekend...ahhh, no...the old lady is busy...I had a hot date!
Give it time...you may be surprsied.
Give it time...you may be surprsied.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
You can also try some other meetings. I currently attend two different meetings. They are very different from each other but I really like both of them.
As for your AH, if you don't expect anything you won't be disappointed.
Your friend,
As for your AH, if you don't expect anything you won't be disappointed.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
My RAH encouraged me to go. Of course that made me not want to go...lol..
but I did finally go.
One person in my group sumed it up as cheap therapy.
You won't understand much of what is said...but it does work. We can't say exactly how or why...but it does. You will walk out of that room feeling less alone and know that there are people you can count on to understand how you feel.
I highly recomend you try it.
As for telling your qualifier (person that is an A in your life) that is your choice but if it is a spouse..I would. There is a saying...we are only as sick as our secrets and Al-Anon is not something you need to feel ashamed of. AND...A tend to be a bit paranoid..I like to spell out what i'm doing. I don't want to cause him to think I'm 'stepping out' or anything... besided your books and literature will give it away.
As will your new and improved outlook!
but I did finally go.
One person in my group sumed it up as cheap therapy.
You won't understand much of what is said...but it does work. We can't say exactly how or why...but it does. You will walk out of that room feeling less alone and know that there are people you can count on to understand how you feel.
I highly recomend you try it.
As for telling your qualifier (person that is an A in your life) that is your choice but if it is a spouse..I would. There is a saying...we are only as sick as our secrets and Al-Anon is not something you need to feel ashamed of. AND...A tend to be a bit paranoid..I like to spell out what i'm doing. I don't want to cause him to think I'm 'stepping out' or anything... besided your books and literature will give it away.
As will your new and improved outlook!
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