Do I forgive Blackout Cheating?

Old 09-29-2011, 10:04 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Justa, I don't know your BF but I do know from experience that this crisis in your relationship, which he undeniably caused, truly could be what gets him on a better path.

Please keep us posted, I am cheering for you both at this point.
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Old 09-29-2011, 12:38 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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You are making excuses for him. This is a high-level form of enabling and codependency.

Twenty-six years ago I cheated while sober. It was ******** what I did, the woman dumped me as she should have, I've never cheated again on any woman, and I've been drunk and stoned plenty in the interim (though that's long in the past now). In fact, if ever a man had an excuse to cheat I did during my wife's 7 year bender. I still didn't cheat. I'm not the best looking cat in the world, but if I want to get laid I can get laid.

It's not about any of that.

Straight or gay, this type of behavior is ********. Sexual orientation is a non-issue. What you see is what you get. Did he act like somebody who is trustworthy? Did he act like somebody who is not attracted to both women and men? His words are meaningless. His actions are EVERYTHING.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

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Old 09-29-2011, 01:39 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Well...if someone drives during a blackout and ends up killing someone, they are still held responsible for that person's death, right?
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Old 09-29-2011, 11:08 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Sorry I did not read every response,

Have you had a HIV/STD test already?

If I can offer some advice is - get some therapy or counseling. It does wonders for your sense of self worth. The fact you consider this person as your BEST FRIEND tells me your perspective of reality is blurred. Among other things I have learned I am worth receiving everything I am able to give. Nothing less.
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Old 09-30-2011, 05:31 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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In my opinion, an alcoholic should be fully responsible for all of their actions, being in a black-out state or not. Blacking out, for me, has been one of the scariest ways of figuring out that, yes, I am an alcoholic, I have a serious drinking problem. I don't remember how I got home, I don't remember the tail end of my own brother's wedding, I don't remember walking my dog last night, did I really talk to x, y, or z for over an hour? And what were we talking about?? And oh yeah, how again is my white shirt drenched in red wine, again? I could go on, but I'm sure my point is well taken. One of my biggest fears is that I won't remember waking up because I have yet to. I think your main priority should be getting your husband the help that he needs and then work on forgiveness. Best of luck to you.
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