Family and genetics
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
Family and genetics
I mentioned in another thread that my name comes from my genealogy passion. The last few days, I have been working my mom's lineage, which dates back to Polish immigrants at the turn of the century (I was born when she was 40, so bear with me, gang). I never knew my relatives on her side, as a child, because she moved away. She was an alcoholic, but also what I then called "mental problems". Today, I understand she was likely a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome, since her mother was also an alcoholic. My mom was a year old when her father died, and she and her siblings wound up in an orphanage. I later learned that grandma was blind..the result of someone hitting her on the head with a bottle.
Today, I located a cousin, who had no knowledge of my grandmother (also her ancestor)..but it took little time for the topic of drinking to come up. Her grandfather was a 1/2 sibling of my mother.
What I have found, is that the almost total estrangement that has gone on for over 60 yrs..centered around alcohol. Some of the family became raging drunks. The others, vehemently did not drink (certainly a reaction to those who did). It certainly explains a lot of my intolerance for my xabf (see..I used the x now). I've read some about the genetic component of the disease, and maybe that is what I'm trying to share. The predisposition, and how some can stop it before it takes hold. My newly found cousin seemed almost embarrassed to bring it up..until I explained that her branch was not the only one who had suffered from this.
We all lost so much.
I realize that we, today, have far more knowledge than my grandmother did, in terms of the damage. On another family line that I researched, there also is a strain of alcohol abuse..and literally, I found a church record from the 1830s that a sibling was dismissed for his drinking.
I don't know that this offers any understanding to anyone here, or help to find strength to do what we can, to make our lives better. I am hurting particularly bad tonight, at my immediate situation...and was thinking about HOW MANY lives in my own family, have been destroyed or damaged. I am not feeling particularly worthwhile at the moment. Maybe some of you here know of this pattern in your family (or your partner/ex partners).
Just wanted to throw something out there for thinking about..and maybe understanding. So tired of being needy instead of supportive.
Today, I located a cousin, who had no knowledge of my grandmother (also her ancestor)..but it took little time for the topic of drinking to come up. Her grandfather was a 1/2 sibling of my mother.
What I have found, is that the almost total estrangement that has gone on for over 60 yrs..centered around alcohol. Some of the family became raging drunks. The others, vehemently did not drink (certainly a reaction to those who did). It certainly explains a lot of my intolerance for my xabf (see..I used the x now). I've read some about the genetic component of the disease, and maybe that is what I'm trying to share. The predisposition, and how some can stop it before it takes hold. My newly found cousin seemed almost embarrassed to bring it up..until I explained that her branch was not the only one who had suffered from this.
We all lost so much.
I realize that we, today, have far more knowledge than my grandmother did, in terms of the damage. On another family line that I researched, there also is a strain of alcohol abuse..and literally, I found a church record from the 1830s that a sibling was dismissed for his drinking.
I don't know that this offers any understanding to anyone here, or help to find strength to do what we can, to make our lives better. I am hurting particularly bad tonight, at my immediate situation...and was thinking about HOW MANY lives in my own family, have been destroyed or damaged. I am not feeling particularly worthwhile at the moment. Maybe some of you here know of this pattern in your family (or your partner/ex partners).
Just wanted to throw something out there for thinking about..and maybe understanding. So tired of being needy instead of supportive.
for you tonight.Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
I wonder how they ever found a "control" family for their studies drawing a relationship between alcoholism and genetics. I can't honestly think of a single person I know who doesn't have at least one alcoholic within their extended families: uncles, cousins, grandparents, neice, nephew, brother. It seems when anyone shakes the genealogy tree, one falls out! Some families have more than their share, but all families seem to have one somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Searchbug))) - I've also got one side of my family that is quite full of addicts, though some of us are in recovery. I was raised by parents who didn't abuse anything but cigarettes, totally in a NOT codie environment, but I still became a raging codie then addict.
The only thing I know, for sure, is that recovery is possible on both sides. We just usually have to get really sick and tired of being sick and tired to seek it (at least I did).
You are totally worthwhile, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
The only thing I know, for sure, is that recovery is possible on both sides. We just usually have to get really sick and tired of being sick and tired to seek it (at least I did).
You are totally worthwhile, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
It's multi-generational in my family & my RAH's. . . However, for me, I am reluctant to claim "genetics" as the sole or primary explanation. Our genes are intricately interacting with our environment from the moment of conception. . . Our genetic disposition can be learned, influenced, absorbed, & informed environmentally & through socialization as well. . . Some of it is so subtle & complex. *But* it doesn't really matter to me how I got to where I am since I found myself in this situation with my family. . . I then "chose" (was guided by what felt familiar) to marry an active A. . . Now, however, I have more understanding and the ability/tools to make changes for myself.
Searchbug, I feel compassion for my family members and my ancestors who were afflicted with addiction. Have I felt sadness, resentment, regret, anger, shame, helpless? Yes, I have. Sometimes, those feelings still try to creep back into my consciousness. . . I have to fight them with everything I have to stay on the path of healing & recovery from generational effects. . .
I feel compassion for those of us who continue to feel & live the effects of addiction. Recovery is so very very possible, as Impurrfect says. . . Glad you're here, Searchbug. Thank you for sharing. I hope there will be some light shining your way very soon. Sending you healing thoughts.
Searchbug, I feel compassion for my family members and my ancestors who were afflicted with addiction. Have I felt sadness, resentment, regret, anger, shame, helpless? Yes, I have. Sometimes, those feelings still try to creep back into my consciousness. . . I have to fight them with everything I have to stay on the path of healing & recovery from generational effects. . .
I feel compassion for those of us who continue to feel & live the effects of addiction. Recovery is so very very possible, as Impurrfect says. . . Glad you're here, Searchbug. Thank you for sharing. I hope there will be some light shining your way very soon. Sending you healing thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Looking at the generational aspect of alcoholism helped me feel more compassion towards my alcoholic father. Both of his parents were alcoholics. I think at least two of his grandparents were as well. His father, who died when I was a baby, was also physically abusive.
My dad didn't talk about it much, but I've been able to piece together information from conversations with extended family members.
My mother's parents did not drink, but her mother was verbally abusive. I believe my grandmother's father might have been an alcoholic. I think growing up in a dysfunctional family contributed to why my mother married my father in the first place.
It sometimes makes me sad to think about all the lives in my family that were wasted because of this disease. I do feel compassion though for all these people who were simply doing the best that they could with the cards they were dealt.
I'm so grateful that I have other options available to me. I'm not sure where I would be without therapy and recovery groups.
Sometimes I think about my own recovery as a way of honoring my distant relatives. My mother and father were never truly able to face there own demons, but they raised a daughter who did (or at least is trying). I also have a number of cousins who were raised in alcoholic homes, were alcoholics themselves, but have now been sober for 20+ years. So things can change.
Hoping that the branches on my little portion of the family tree bloom with lovely flowers!
Thanks for letting me share.
db
My dad didn't talk about it much, but I've been able to piece together information from conversations with extended family members.
My mother's parents did not drink, but her mother was verbally abusive. I believe my grandmother's father might have been an alcoholic. I think growing up in a dysfunctional family contributed to why my mother married my father in the first place.
It sometimes makes me sad to think about all the lives in my family that were wasted because of this disease. I do feel compassion though for all these people who were simply doing the best that they could with the cards they were dealt.
I'm so grateful that I have other options available to me. I'm not sure where I would be without therapy and recovery groups.
Sometimes I think about my own recovery as a way of honoring my distant relatives. My mother and father were never truly able to face there own demons, but they raised a daughter who did (or at least is trying). I also have a number of cousins who were raised in alcoholic homes, were alcoholics themselves, but have now been sober for 20+ years. So things can change.
Hoping that the branches on my little portion of the family tree bloom with lovely flowers!
Thanks for letting me share.
db
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: California, USA
Posts: 293
Sometimes I think about my own recovery as a way of honoring my distant relatives. My mother and father were never truly able to face there own demons, but they raised a daughter who did (or at least is trying). I also have a number of cousins who were raised in alcoholic homes, were alcoholics themselves, but have now been sober for 20+ years. So things can change.
Hoping that the branches on my little portion of the family tree bloom with lovely flowers!
WOW, dbh! So beautifully said. Thank you!
Hoping that the branches on my little portion of the family tree bloom with lovely flowers!
WOW, dbh! So beautifully said. Thank you!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
It's multi-generational in my family too.
My father lost both of his parents while they were in their 40's to alcohol related deaths (his mother was cirrhosis of the liver, his dad was killed in a fire at the club he owned). I had two alcoholic uncles on my mom's side, and also on my dad's side. My brother is recovering.
My paternal great grandparents died in an alcohol-related accident, back when cars were fairly new to this country.
No one seems to have any information further than that.
My father lost both of his parents while they were in their 40's to alcohol related deaths (his mother was cirrhosis of the liver, his dad was killed in a fire at the club he owned). I had two alcoholic uncles on my mom's side, and also on my dad's side. My brother is recovering.
My paternal great grandparents died in an alcohol-related accident, back when cars were fairly new to this country.
No one seems to have any information further than that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 115
My parents weren't alcoholics, and neither were any of my grandparents. Though I'm susre if I went back far enough there is bound to be some.
I used to wonder how I ended up married to an alcoholic since my parents and grandparents didn't have a problem. However, my dad is extremely co-dependent and emotionally distant, and my mom was very controlling and had problems with her anger. Also, my parents used to make me responsible for my younger sister more than they should have. So, it's easy to see how I grew up to be so co-dependent. Perfect fit for an alcoholic.
My husband's family, however, has several alcoholics in his family. And our children....... I have a 24 year old daughter that I believe is on the edge of addiction if perhaps she isn't already. A 22 year old son that is vehnemently against all drinking. Also, a 15 year old son that says he will never drink ever.
I used to wonder how I ended up married to an alcoholic since my parents and grandparents didn't have a problem. However, my dad is extremely co-dependent and emotionally distant, and my mom was very controlling and had problems with her anger. Also, my parents used to make me responsible for my younger sister more than they should have. So, it's easy to see how I grew up to be so co-dependent. Perfect fit for an alcoholic.
My husband's family, however, has several alcoholics in his family. And our children....... I have a 24 year old daughter that I believe is on the edge of addiction if perhaps she isn't already. A 22 year old son that is vehnemently against all drinking. Also, a 15 year old son that says he will never drink ever.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
I tell people alcoholism doesn't run in my family it flows through it ... sorta like Niagara Falls!
There are six siblings in my family and between us we had 7 children who are now young adults and all have healthy attitudes and lifestyles in regards to alcohol and other substances ... I believe we have broken the cycle of addiction for this current generation.
Co-dependency is another story ... quite a few of us (yes I am in the mix) battle co-dependent behaviors that are deeply rooted in our psyches from our childhoods.
There are six siblings in my family and between us we had 7 children who are now young adults and all have healthy attitudes and lifestyles in regards to alcohol and other substances ... I believe we have broken the cycle of addiction for this current generation.
Co-dependency is another story ... quite a few of us (yes I am in the mix) battle co-dependent behaviors that are deeply rooted in our psyches from our childhoods.
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