Hanna

This has all come to a head and I am an absolute wreck. I left town for a week to work for a family member. It was so good to be away.

He was supposed to pick me up at the airport, but instead called a friend of mine at 730 AM and asked him to drive 3 hours round trip to pick me up. When I got home, he was passed out and the entire room stunk of booze.

I learned so much in the last 24 hours about his activities. He completed one job he was supposed to do this week and the work was beautiful, but spent every penny of what he was paid, $100 at a time. He was either very late or never showed each day, and flat out told my friends that he was staying out until 5AM several nights, and spending $100 each time he went out. This money was to be saved so he would have some to get out of here.

My mother offered him a plane ticket back to our hometown. He's telling me that I completely effed him, and that all the money was spent on me. Should I really even bother typing more alcoholic lies? So he has no place to go, no money and is a grown man that won't take responsibility for his situation. I want him out of my house and out of my life. When I asked what it was he thought I owed him, what he needed he asked for $2000. He's insane. I don't have it to give, nor would I give it to him. He later said it would just be a loan. What would be the point? He would go through that in 20 days at the rate he's going.

He's also been asking all of my friends for money, $20 and $40 at a time. He's been drinking and driving in my car, smoking in the car and apparently the house, and has taken almost all of my change from multiple change cups, which means he's going through my drawers.

I didn't come home last night, and just returned to him once again passed out drunk in my bed. This will have to be dealt with today. I never thought of myself as a weak person, and if anyone else was telling me this I would see there is a simple solution.
I just can't stand to think of him with no place to go (but trust me, I can't stand him staying here even more than that) and I am afraid of the fight that I believe is coming.
but he will be on that plane within 24 hours.

Freedom1990

His not having a place to go is on him, not you. He got busy spending all his money on drinking sprees rather than saving it.

He put himself in the position of homelessness, not you.

Kudos to you for getting him shipped out.

You deserve quiet and peace of mind in your own home.

Sending you hugs of support.

Hanna

Thank you so much, Freedom. I just have to keep reading those words.
I know it's on him, I really do, but I still feel so very sorry for what people do to themselves.
Yesterday he had the nerve to say he would have saved his money if he'd known what I would do to him. He doesn't realize that I know he's gotten paid all week and spent it all, knowing full well that he would be living here very soon.

Freedom1990

Quack, quack, quack. He's full of it.

I will tell you that when I was active in my alcoholism, I used people feeling sorry for me to my full advantage.

My parents were my best enablers for 10 years.

He doesn't need pity. He needs the dignity to live his life as he sees fit, regardless of how bad it may seem to others.

I know I didn't hit my bottom until I had used everyone up and there was no one left.

Hanna

Got the plane ticket. He's making arrangements for tomorrow. It's really upsetting, but I know it will all be over soon.

I really hope this wakes him up. Am so sad for him right now, he is a good person with a bad problem. He deserves better than he's giving himself. Sad for me too, but so grateful for the love and support I am getting from all around.

shawty80

thank you for this! i needed to read this simple question today!!!

Today Is All I Have

I hope he actually leaves. This needs to end quick. He will take you for everything and if I were you i would look around my house to see if he didn't take things he could pawn later.
Like jewelry..or silver...or whatever. You were nice enough to give him a loving chance to be with you, got him jobs, let him have your stuff (drive your car that you insure) etc. C'mon girl....I know times are hard for finding a good guy but this one ain't the one! Take it from someone who knows...I've given and would have been better off saving someone else. It's just life experience don't freak out about what you lost (loving relations with him). There are like 5 billion people on earth.

Hanna

@Anvil I totally agree with you, especially the bold. Thank you for the reminder that I'm responsible for me and my own happiness, too.

@shawty80, sometimes it's the simplest ideas that are the easiest to overlook. In dealing with alcoholics and addicts, our logic can so easily go out the window without us realizing it.

Hanna

@925 Girl, One of the reasons that I realized it had to end ASAP is that I have to leave tomorrow for 1-2 weeks. I started becoming concerned about exactly that... when he runs out of money next time, is he going to start taking other things?

Your words all ring so true, and they mean alot to me because I've been feeling horrible for him, but I DID give him a loving chance. I overlooked so many things... And I needed to be told to chill out! It is life experience and I'm going to get through it. THANK YOU!

Does anyone know if there is a way to change our user names? I don't want to be identified as "Sis" any more. There's alot more to me than being the sister of a drug addict!

Today Is All I Have

I thought i was overstepping so Thanks for understanding what I meant. If he's out today go through his stuff to make sure. I've been where you are and wish I had thought to do that myself! Good that your going to busy for a while...it will keep you from obsessing! Best Wishes for a good outcome!

Hanna

Not overstepping one bit! I appreciate it greatly.

You might get a kick out of this: A friend told me we shouldn't get involved with anyone that didn't have all their "shuns". I said "shuns? what do you mean?" and he said "you know: ambiSHUN, occupaSHUN, transportaSHUN,educaSHUN, etc." The list goes on.

Freedom1990

Contact one of the administrators here at SR and they can change your user name for you.

Hanna

I'm having to remind myself this is my last night of this. He's been out almost all day. He did come back and pack his stuff, but won't answer his phone or texts. So friggin stressful.

And I'm so sad.

shawty80

hang in there, sis!!! think of the relief you will feel after it is all said and done. sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.

Hanna

Thank you shawty80. I really appreciate your kind words.

I've been having such a hard time the last 5 weeks that I haven't had really mourned over the loss of what I thought was going to be a really beautiful relationship. Now that it's almost over I'm going through those normal feelings of sadness. And everywhere I look there is a reminder of the good parts.

shawty80

i completely understand how you are feeling. my xabf (we were together for about a year and a half) broke up with me a month ago, and i'm still a mess. i was on an outing today that took me past his apartment, and i burst into tears as i drove by. i decided that i had best find a new route to the sam's club after that happened!!!

stay strong. i keep tellling myself that it WILL get better, and i know the same is true for you. :ghug3

Hanna

It will get better for us, it will! Still hurts though I know we have to feel those feelings to get through them. I'm grateful this relationship was so new for me. It's still hard, but I know it will pass.

I just looked in my drawer and realized he even took some $2 bills that I kept because I liked them. Looks like all my jewelry is still here, thankfully. It's so sad that he would rifle through my things this way and steal from me. It's 11:30 and he's still not back. I guess he will be a complete mess tomorrow.

StarCat

For the short term you might want to invest in a fire safe. Technically they're to put all your important papers together so they'll survive in case of fire (with the added effect that it's easy to locate all my important papers because they're all in the same place). You could easily put some of your other important items in them, though. Since he's only taken the cash, and hasn't started selling your things yet, I'd say he's only looking for the easy money, so a small fire safe would be a deterrent. (Especially if he thought there was only paper in there.)

Mine was only $30 from Office Max, and came in a very pretty shade of blue. You can get a fire safe pretty much anywhere, though - even Wal-Mart. (The good ones also come with a warranty, mine comes with a full warranty for the contents and says it will even replace the safe with a brand new one after a fire.)

Carol Star

the brain does not do mad and sad at the same time so be MAD about the stuff he did...............

outtolunch

Sounds like he was just a hopeful fantasy.

Reality is:
He is unemployed.
He has no interest in working.
He does not take responsibility for himself.
He has no car.
He bums money off people.
He has stolen from you.

Sounds like a winner. NOT.

You owe him nothing, including money for incidentals and a way home from the airport or bus station once he arrives at his destination.