I Have Been So Tempted To Call Him
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
I Have Been So Tempted To Call Him
Short story, I left my exbf who is a alcoholic..He was mentally abusive to me. Me and My son have been living on our own now for 6 months... For the most part I have been dealing with everything good... But for the last couple of days, I have almost called him.
When will I finally stop worrying about this man, It almost feels if someone died.
I'm here for support, What did any of you do when you were tempted this way.
Thank you all so much.
When will I finally stop worrying about this man, It almost feels if someone died.
I'm here for support, What did any of you do when you were tempted this way.
Thank you all so much.
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
For a long time... I went to the hardware store, and I asked for bread. I went day after day... and was frustrated each and every time because - there was no bread there.
Today - when I feel like going to the hardware store for bread - I pick up the phone and I call my Al-anon friends or sponsor... because THEY have the bread I am looking for.
Today - when I feel like going to the hardware store for bread - I pick up the phone and I call my Al-anon friends or sponsor... because THEY have the bread I am looking for.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
similar but different, but once upon a time i was a crack addict and i'd get that urge to "make the call" - my husband and i would "joke" about either a) burying the damn phone in the back yard or b) duct taping it to a mallet so we'd have to hit ourselves over the heads with it.
on a more serious note, when i was craving dope, it's because i knew or hoped it would DO something FOR me. CHANGE how i felt.
what's going on with you that suddenly calling a mentally abusive ex sounds like a GOOD idea? the notion of "worrying" about him is really just a trumped up excuse that our codependent minds will use to JUSTIFY our actions. really it's not about THEM, it's about US.
on a more serious note, when i was craving dope, it's because i knew or hoped it would DO something FOR me. CHANGE how i felt.
what's going on with you that suddenly calling a mentally abusive ex sounds like a GOOD idea? the notion of "worrying" about him is really just a trumped up excuse that our codependent minds will use to JUSTIFY our actions. really it's not about THEM, it's about US.
There Is Nothing wrong with me, Just Having Some Down Moments, I didn't say it was a good idea that's why I didn't do it... But I thought this board was designed for us to come here and post when were having a hard time emotionally so if that means something is "Wrong With Me" Then I guess there is... Sorry I even posted.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by suki44883
Please don't call him. It'll just open the door to more grief. You don't need that, right? Stay strong! You can do it! 
Sometimes we all need encouragment and a little re-inforcement.:ghug3
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
It's difficult at best, I have been there. My reasons were really out of the box...ready for this? I was just plain and simply nosey.Thank god I didn't follow thru on my nose problem!
Keep your resolve, we are humans, we have to deal with our real emotions.
Take care,
Keep your resolve, we are humans, we have to deal with our real emotions.
Take care,
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Sherby,
I TOTALLY get how you feel. I often went through it, and usually called, then that always lead to regret.
This board is FULL of super helpful advice and motivation. Sometimes what seems like harsh criticism is not meant to be.
Try not to be upset about Anvil's post, I get what she meant. Nothing is wrong with you, but it's true, when we crave something...like you were feeling tempted to call him, there is an internal reason for that. These things are meant to invoke thought in yourself, and take the focus off of him, to question yourself about your motivations and why you would want to? It's healthy, and if you write down the answers to those questions you may be surprised at what may come out. I have done things like that many times and after processing my thoughts, i'm always like WOW! When i'm really honest with myself.
When I wanted to call someone who brought me SO MUCH EMOTIONAL HURT, I really did have to start thinking "what is going on WITH ME to make me think of doing that"? And there was A LOT going on with me.
I had written somewhere here before that I was so consumed for a while about learning all I could about all of HIS issues online, through these sites and others. But now, I go online to learn about the emotions of letting go, my thoughts, healing my life, my concerns about myself. And I don't have the same desire to reach out to him like I used to.
This feeling you have of being tempted to call him will go away for sure. Ride it out, and focus on YOU. YOU have A LOT more to offer yourself in conversation than he ever could.
I TOTALLY get how you feel. I often went through it, and usually called, then that always lead to regret.
This board is FULL of super helpful advice and motivation. Sometimes what seems like harsh criticism is not meant to be.
Try not to be upset about Anvil's post, I get what she meant. Nothing is wrong with you, but it's true, when we crave something...like you were feeling tempted to call him, there is an internal reason for that. These things are meant to invoke thought in yourself, and take the focus off of him, to question yourself about your motivations and why you would want to? It's healthy, and if you write down the answers to those questions you may be surprised at what may come out. I have done things like that many times and after processing my thoughts, i'm always like WOW! When i'm really honest with myself.
When I wanted to call someone who brought me SO MUCH EMOTIONAL HURT, I really did have to start thinking "what is going on WITH ME to make me think of doing that"? And there was A LOT going on with me.
I had written somewhere here before that I was so consumed for a while about learning all I could about all of HIS issues online, through these sites and others. But now, I go online to learn about the emotions of letting go, my thoughts, healing my life, my concerns about myself. And I don't have the same desire to reach out to him like I used to.
This feeling you have of being tempted to call him will go away for sure. Ride it out, and focus on YOU. YOU have A LOT more to offer yourself in conversation than he ever could.
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