Why did you leave your cats behind?

gbz, Why are you walking on eggshells ??? Simply state you do not want to talk at this time. It's that easy. Sending good thoughts your way............

He has nothing to do, he can hand wash his clothes, why is this an issue? You really are not buying the load of cr@p that he cannot find a job because he doesn't have clean clothes...are you?

I must be honest, I do not understand you, you are giving him a free ride, he has no responsibility,no drive, no job, no nothing to offer and you cling to him like saran wrap.

As for telling him, easy "I am not coming home yet, I will pay the bills through October and then you are on your own, if I were you, I'd get off my butt and find a job."

And, I would start looking for an apartment for myself.

That is what I would do, to me you are making this much more difficult than it is.

Work on you, are you going to meetings? I would be beating down the doors to get into the next one.

I have found that swift, simple, short, and direct is the only way I can manage conversations like that whether in person, email, whatever. It was really hard for me to say those things openly, directly, and honestly at first. It actually felt scary but I felt better about myself when I did. It did become easier.

I agree with Thumper. Where I am in my recovery - I'm like a baby still learning to walk... and those kinds of conversations are crazy and scary to me too. I think that's normal. As I build strength, I imagine standing up for me will get easier... become more of a habit than an effort.

Saying the Serenity prayers helps me to remember that I am not alone... and that my HP will be with me, give me the strength to do what I need to do... and that whatever I am able to do - is exactly what is meant to be.

Hugs to you gbz because I understand - wishing you strength, courage, and hope,
Shannon

P.S. I wanted to edit to add that... sometimes the only correct answer is - "I don't know." For so long, I failed to realize that I could just say that... and it was enough. I felt obligated to explain, defend, justify... ugh, I always ended up in a conversation that spun out of control. Keeping it simple (and truthful) has done wonders for my serenity.