Kassie2

Well, today was the worst! I tried to talk to my new supervisor about the difference between how she runs things vs how they have been done before. I know.... everyone complains about change... but this is different. I explained that I am used to more support from my supervisor to do my job in spite of the need to take on more demands. She reminded me that she was the one who fought to change my office so that I wouldn't have to be next to my exah. She added that she thought I was "whinny" and the change would fix that.

I resent being called whinny.... I didn't ask her to change my office - she offered/rather insisted it was necessary and then made me ask for it. I appreciate the change very much! However, hearing her call me "whinny" and at the same time taking responsibility for doing something I did not ask for....? is questionable behavior.

I felt like I was talking to my exah again - I told her that I did not know my requests for support made my whinny....? It that a professional or not? This is crazy making. Wondering how to deal with this.

LifeRecovery

I got a new boss about six months before everything hit the fan with my ex.

I actually had to have someone else recognize the bullying behavior in my new boss and tell me about it.

The good news is that it did get better (though it was a struggle). I still am not 100% about him, but he has really helped me to learn how to stick up for myself, not take it all on etc.

Al-anon principles have helped, talking it out etc. It was really challenging though for awhile.

Good luck.

Lotus2009

The first thing that came to mind was... professional boundaries??? Someone at work calling someone whinny doesn't seem very professional - in a personal relationship maybe but for the workplace it's a bit uncalled for. But maybe you are also friends outside of work?

I don't know what your work entails and if her request to expect more from you is reasonable. But in any case there is a more constructive way to respond to someone else's concerns. This is not one of them and I don't think she did a very good job empowering you to take on more responsibility by calling you whinny and completely dismissing your concerns.

I think it's important that we speak up for ourselves. It's so important for us to be honest and let other people know when we feel a comment was inappropriate. And I think you can clearly state it that way. I think people are constantly testing how far they can go and if we don't draw a line in the sand they keep on walking (even if we draw a line in the sand they sometimes do).

But that's just my opinion on this, maybe others see it differently.

StarCat

This.
I believe you did a wonderful job remaining civil and professional.
I also believe that her behavior was not only unprofessional for the workplace, but it's also not the way that a mature adult addresses anyone, especially not another adult, and especially not in the workplace.

Her behavior is not a reflection on you.
Additionally, there's a difference between "whining" and "voicing your opinions." You are working a good recovery program, and learning to stand up for yourself, and I believe that is the part she labels as "whining."

Now you know the filter through which she sees the world.
It hurts sometimes, but now that you know her perspective, you can learn to avoid the discussions that bring out the worst in her.
It's not an ideal relationship, but at least you know how to have the facade of one now.

You are a good person.
Don't let her cause you to doubt yourself. <3

breakingglass

OMG....i'm sorry to hear that because my boss is super understanding of my situation and i thank god i have such a wonderful person at work to confide in. your boss's remard was completely unprofessional.