OMFG here I am again. AGAIN!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 602
Well done you. You're doing great!
Oh my god, AH's parents are being d-bags, aren't they. "Talk constructively"?! Maybe AH's dad would like to come over and "make some progress" on changing a freakin' diaper.
Seriously, just block their texts. You don't need that.
The good news is you've got an awesome healthy little baby. And the baby has a great mom.
AH has totally chosen alcohol over family. What a sad, terrible thing. But it's his loss, in the end. You're too busy being awesome, I can tell you're going to come out of this just fine!
Oh my god, AH's parents are being d-bags, aren't they. "Talk constructively"?! Maybe AH's dad would like to come over and "make some progress" on changing a freakin' diaper.
Seriously, just block their texts. You don't need that.
The good news is you've got an awesome healthy little baby. And the baby has a great mom.
AH has totally chosen alcohol over family. What a sad, terrible thing. But it's his loss, in the end. You're too busy being awesome, I can tell you're going to come out of this just fine!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi Florence how are you doing today?? when a baby smiles at you.... nothing matters...
Have you looked up Louise Hay videos ?? they are EXCELLENT!
I watched a couple and they made a difference in my day.
An affirmation I liked is
"everything is unfolding as it should, I am safe and live in the heart of God" (well ... something like that.. )
You are very very strong, I hope you realize it, because I do!
Have you looked up Louise Hay videos ?? they are EXCELLENT!
I watched a couple and they made a difference in my day.
An affirmation I liked is
"everything is unfolding as it should, I am safe and live in the heart of God" (well ... something like that.. )
You are very very strong, I hope you realize it, because I do!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 110
Maybe, in the back of our minds...
"MY GOD. He won't do it for me, but surely, having a child, will get through to him, and he will pull it together for that".
In a rational world, it would seem that he would/ could. We think rational. They don't. I don't know when/ where we reach the level of accepting that the alcohol WILL HAVE PRIORITY over anything normal or rational. I am still working on that.
I wonder if some of the detaching isn't even so much detaching from a person, but detaching from the idea that SOMETHING will get their attention and create a change?
"MY GOD. He won't do it for me, but surely, having a child, will get through to him, and he will pull it together for that".
In a rational world, it would seem that he would/ could. We think rational. They don't. I don't know when/ where we reach the level of accepting that the alcohol WILL HAVE PRIORITY over anything normal or rational. I am still working on that.
I wonder if some of the detaching isn't even so much detaching from a person, but detaching from the idea that SOMETHING will get their attention and create a change?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
I know we arern't supposed to tell you what to do but let you come up with your decision all on your own but I'm going to tell you right now you need to let him go.
You have a brand new baby, kids, your the sole breadwinner...honey your already alone...you just didn't realize it. Your life will be easier and 10x less stressful without the drama he brings to it. whether you love him or not isn't the issue. Doing what you have to for your children and YOUR best interest is. He cannot be just one more child in your home to care for.
It's time. You DO deserve better and you are saving that brand new baby from growing up w/ an alcoholic in your home. If you can't do it for you ...do it for your baby.
You have a brand new baby, kids, your the sole breadwinner...honey your already alone...you just didn't realize it. Your life will be easier and 10x less stressful without the drama he brings to it. whether you love him or not isn't the issue. Doing what you have to for your children and YOUR best interest is. He cannot be just one more child in your home to care for.
It's time. You DO deserve better and you are saving that brand new baby from growing up w/ an alcoholic in your home. If you can't do it for you ...do it for your baby.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Update.
When I kicked him out he stayed out. Stayed in his car for several days and then ended up at his codie parents house. He decided then to go to rehab, a real above and beyond the detox centers he'd been to before, a private payer 30+ days rehab. Left today.
Night before last we had a conversation about his addiction. I told him that while I feel empathy for what he's going through and have really wanted to help him get clean in the past, I was at a point where I really didn't care what his reasons were: I am tired of feeling like ****, of being treated like ****, and being disrespected, and most importantly being the one adult holding up this house of cards. I knew he was sober, so I let him come over yesterday and see the baby before he left for rehab. When I made a suggestion to help him calm a fussy baby, he lashed out at me. I demanded an apology and when he didn't/wouldn't/couldn't give me one, he was out.
His parents and A sister called me today to give me a zillion updates. I. Don't. Care. Unless the man comes home a healed, not-lying, not-manipulative person, I'm done. I've prepared my family for the possible outcome and they have offered to help me watch the baby and take care of my older son while I transition back to work. I shut off cable and I shut off his phone to save money for daycare. I'm trying to get used to the idea of getting divorced and being the woman with two babydaddies, and trying to figure out what to say when everyone around me discovers I somehow became a single mom again within the space of my maternity leave.
It's hard. This taps into all my insecurities of being a loser and being unlovable and thinking that my life will always be about loss and failure. It also sucks that this is happening to me when I'm six weeks out of having a baby -- my body issues have become a locus for my depression even though I know it's irrational to have the expectation that I'd be model-ready right after having a baby in my early thirties.
So, in short, it sucks. I'm angry -- but not even angry. More like impatient with it. I'm sick of everyone's time and attention revolving around an alcoholic's never-ending troubles. But I'm trying to keep in mind that if I don't take care of this now, I'm setting myself and my children up for more pain indefinitely.
When I kicked him out he stayed out. Stayed in his car for several days and then ended up at his codie parents house. He decided then to go to rehab, a real above and beyond the detox centers he'd been to before, a private payer 30+ days rehab. Left today.
Night before last we had a conversation about his addiction. I told him that while I feel empathy for what he's going through and have really wanted to help him get clean in the past, I was at a point where I really didn't care what his reasons were: I am tired of feeling like ****, of being treated like ****, and being disrespected, and most importantly being the one adult holding up this house of cards. I knew he was sober, so I let him come over yesterday and see the baby before he left for rehab. When I made a suggestion to help him calm a fussy baby, he lashed out at me. I demanded an apology and when he didn't/wouldn't/couldn't give me one, he was out.
His parents and A sister called me today to give me a zillion updates. I. Don't. Care. Unless the man comes home a healed, not-lying, not-manipulative person, I'm done. I've prepared my family for the possible outcome and they have offered to help me watch the baby and take care of my older son while I transition back to work. I shut off cable and I shut off his phone to save money for daycare. I'm trying to get used to the idea of getting divorced and being the woman with two babydaddies, and trying to figure out what to say when everyone around me discovers I somehow became a single mom again within the space of my maternity leave.
It's hard. This taps into all my insecurities of being a loser and being unlovable and thinking that my life will always be about loss and failure. It also sucks that this is happening to me when I'm six weeks out of having a baby -- my body issues have become a locus for my depression even though I know it's irrational to have the expectation that I'd be model-ready right after having a baby in my early thirties.
So, in short, it sucks. I'm angry -- but not even angry. More like impatient with it. I'm sick of everyone's time and attention revolving around an alcoholic's never-ending troubles. But I'm trying to keep in mind that if I don't take care of this now, I'm setting myself and my children up for more pain indefinitely.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Originally Posted by searchbug 
Maybe, in the back of our minds...
"MY GOD. He won't do it for me, but surely, having a child, will get through to him, and he will pull it together for that".
"MY GOD. He won't do it for me, but surely, having a child, will get through to him, and he will pull it together for that".
Truth is, before I figured out that he had a secret addiction, we'd been sorta-kinda trying for a baby. We had been married and not using any protection for 3+ years with no pregnancy, but lo, he gets sober for a month and I get knocked up. It took a lot of soul searching for me to decide to continue with the pregnancy with everything going on, but I wanted another baby anyway and didn't see that being a possibility in the future if I didn't maintain this pregnancy.
I'm incredibly glad I did. This baby is a real blessing and I'm completely in love. I am terribly sorry he's not going to be a part of it.
But the lesson, I guess, is that if you're with an addict that you *know* is an addict and you aren't committed to being a single parent... Folks, use birth control.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 283
Two Baby daddies is no big deal, trust me. I a teacher. Most people nowadays have the same or even more or stranger combinations. Don't let that kind if talk enter your head. If anything, it means you double your chances of ever seeing child support.
Just curious but is that something he or someone else said to you in anger? If so then tell them where to stick it. Be the proud mama.
Good thoughts to you.
Just curious but is that something he or someone else said to you in anger? If so then tell them where to stick it. Be the proud mama.
Good thoughts to you.
Last edited by XXXXXXXXXX; 10-03-2011 at 07:09 PM. Reason: You can't state that you are a teacher, then have terrible spelling
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 73
I just want to say I'm so very very proud of you "Florence" It Takes Courage and Lots Of Strength to do what your doing.... I'm glad you loved you and your children enough to remove them from this very very nasty situation.
I do hope he recovers... But with that being said I will be in prayer for you.
Hugs
I do hope he recovers... But with that being said I will be in prayer for you.
Hugs
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