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I Finally Heard & Felt The Difference

Old 09-17-2011, 10:52 AM
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I Finally Heard & Felt The Difference

Wow..Yesterday was a real opener for me..

The past few weeks, I've had a few things rambling thru my head
So many questions, so many thoughts, here is a few that I have
wondered about:
Wondering if he will ever move back to this area and come back
ready to stand up like a man. A sober man, that is.
When we he get sick of the way he is living, and wanna move back and make amends with his family.
He loves us more than the bottle right.
The one I married is strong and loving. He was always there for me.

Alot of things like that, have kept my head spinning for the last week
I think with fall in the air and holidays coming, I have alot of "feelings"
ahead of me. Uggg....

Anyways, yesterday a really good friend of mine (male) texted me.
We laughed and joked and made me laugh.
He thinks Im the finest lady on the planet.
So of course, it makes me feel good. lol
We talk on the phone/text, thats it. Still not into that dating thing yet..

A hour later, I walk into work, my phone rings..It's the XAH!!!
It was the same old, same old....10AM and already drunk...
Told me he drank because the pain was Unbearable!
My emotions ran high, I could of screamed. He asked me if I needed
anything. He always worries about me. I asked him if he could even
spell the word..

I told him he must not be too worried, you packed up and moved
2,000 miles away and are still drinking.

Yes, I do need something: I need you to STOP calling me..It is over!!

ShitFireDamn...My emotions ran high. I walked outside and took a very
hard stroll around the block.

Wondered to myself, Why am I not a compassionate person to this person?

Because, I am done with Active Addiction in my life!!

I will continue to talk to people who make ME happy....

It is finally, all about ME!....A real opener it was!!!

A thousand pounds off my shoulders today

Im so glad "GOD" gave me 2 different phone calls in a hour!

Peace Out & Hope everyone gets 2 phone calls today!!!!!
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:40 AM
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There is a method to "GOD's" madness. I'm glad you realized that you have been neglecting yourself, but now have to put the focus onto you.

I am so happy for your eye opener. Yea for you!
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:24 PM
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You do not have to accept calls from him. Blocking him from all communication devices can be very therapeutic. If he calls your work phone, hang up immediately when you know it is him. Be consistent. The longer you maintain contact with him, the longer he is going to keep calling. It's up to you to sever the contact.
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Old 09-17-2011, 03:01 PM
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I had high expectations for the active alcoholic. I wanted so much more for him that he ever even thought about for himself. It is so sad to have to accept that they have no drive, ambition, goals, or aspirations. They are like a flower pot, just there. If you water me fine, I will live, if you don't I'll just sit here, and wilt...

Sending you a big hug bobby, keep thinking positive thoughts. It will get easier.
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Old 09-17-2011, 03:03 PM
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Good for you, BobbyJ. There is a better life waiting for you! ; )
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Old 09-17-2011, 03:11 PM
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I second what tuffgirl said. Now dwell on the good phone call and how good it made you feel.
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Old 09-17-2011, 06:01 PM
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Thanks for your post and your utter honest posting. I can relate to a lot of the emotion you express (and you do it much more clearly and succintly than I!) and this post really hit me.

I am glad for you that you came to the realization/epiphany you did and I myself got a lot out of reading your story. Thank you.

Looking fwd to my day of "2 phone calls" and being free of the weight on my shoulders bc it's still there a lot. Feeling guilt for not being caring enough toward AH and feeling like a b*itch for not playing the codie game with him. I guess it's baby steps though right? First stop the codie crap then work on the codie thinking...

One last thank you for your post!
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Old 09-17-2011, 09:54 PM
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Im glad you got something out of it!!!
It's peaceful on the other side
It's not always easy, but it's peaceful.....
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Old 09-17-2011, 10:42 PM
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WTBH, I think the the codie "crap" is the codie "trap".
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:30 AM
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Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
wanttobehealthy
Im glad you got something out of it!!!
It's peaceful on the other side
It's not always easy, but it's peaceful.....
I can only imagine how much better it will get bc while I am still somewhat involved in the codie trap, I am nonetheless infinitely more peaceful and calm since he left than I've been probably ever before in my life.
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:57 AM
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Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
Wondered to myself, Why am I not a compassionate person to this person?
Because you are not there yet, there's been way too much water over the dam to simply shrug it off today. That would be like expecting the grieving process to be complete simply because the funeral of a loved one was over.

It just doesn't work that way, as much as we like to think that when we work our program all things are possible... we're still here in the real world, with feelings, successes and failures, good days and bad. Spirituality is not in accepting it when we find ourselves on the ground, it's in the willingness to pick ourselves up and move on towards an uncertain future.

Good luck Bobby, it seems to me that you are exactly where you should be. You need to excercise a little self-compassion at times too.
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