A week of peace...
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
A week of peace...
I am glad today is Friday - its been a week of roller-coaster emotions. Some moments, I feel that shocking realization of loss. Other moments, I am drowning in feelings of anger and disgust. And others, I am celebrating a week of peace.
Thank goodness for my program - I can experience those moments, feel them, put them aside, and move on rationally. I am no longer crushed by my own emotions.
I did get an email mid-week...more of the same...trying to get me to engage. I ignored it. I am no longer interested in contact in any way, shape, or form. This time around, I feel its better to be peaceful than right and justified. I feel no need to argue, defend, or reason. I honestly can say today that I have nothing left to say about my marriage - it has all been said and I am tired of hearing myself talk!
I know its not over...there will be more attempts at contact...and I am glad for my resolve! Thank you, SR friends, for the lessons learned. The only person who can stop the insanity in my life is ME.
Happy Friday, all!
~T
Thank goodness for my program - I can experience those moments, feel them, put them aside, and move on rationally. I am no longer crushed by my own emotions.
I did get an email mid-week...more of the same...trying to get me to engage. I ignored it. I am no longer interested in contact in any way, shape, or form. This time around, I feel its better to be peaceful than right and justified. I feel no need to argue, defend, or reason. I honestly can say today that I have nothing left to say about my marriage - it has all been said and I am tired of hearing myself talk!
I know its not over...there will be more attempts at contact...and I am glad for my resolve! Thank you, SR friends, for the lessons learned. The only person who can stop the insanity in my life is ME.
Happy Friday, all!
~T
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Happy Friday to you, T!
And I know you'll feel better and better the less you let him engage you. I try to remind myself that AXH has already created his little fictitious reality where he is the victim and everyone else (especially I) is a villain. I can reason, beg, cry, explain, and it's not going to make any difference: He's living in the universe he created, and I can't convince him to see things from my perspective any more than I can convince him that his drinking affected me and our children. He's safe in his little story, and he has no incentive to get out of it because it would require him to take responsibility.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend!!!
And I know you'll feel better and better the less you let him engage you. I try to remind myself that AXH has already created his little fictitious reality where he is the victim and everyone else (especially I) is a villain. I can reason, beg, cry, explain, and it's not going to make any difference: He's living in the universe he created, and I can't convince him to see things from my perspective any more than I can convince him that his drinking affected me and our children. He's safe in his little story, and he has no incentive to get out of it because it would require him to take responsibility.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I can so related to the rollarcoaster of emotions, but the gratitude of having a recovery to fall back on.
I have had a great ten days on many fronts. I started two new trainings, one being a meditation class, both I have been nervous about being ready for. What if I am not comfortable with what comes up in the trainings? Actually being there though helped me to understand that I am grounded and I am pretty solid in myself.
Interspersed in this though have been a rollarcoaster of emotions. I left the training one day and cried for the next 20min about a ceremony to honor my late father in law that would not be appropriate for me to attend given the divorce. I ran into my ex a few days later which brought another wave of emotion. I have had some incidences in my life outside of my ex that I normally would take on as my fault which I did not, but which surprised others.
I finally feel like a tree with pretty deep roots, but currently the tree is being smashed by storms. I think I am starting to realize and read it in your note too that like it says in Madea's advice on relationships it is the roots that matter....not just in who we let into our life, but in having for ourselves.
I have had a great ten days on many fronts. I started two new trainings, one being a meditation class, both I have been nervous about being ready for. What if I am not comfortable with what comes up in the trainings? Actually being there though helped me to understand that I am grounded and I am pretty solid in myself.
Interspersed in this though have been a rollarcoaster of emotions. I left the training one day and cried for the next 20min about a ceremony to honor my late father in law that would not be appropriate for me to attend given the divorce. I ran into my ex a few days later which brought another wave of emotion. I have had some incidences in my life outside of my ex that I normally would take on as my fault which I did not, but which surprised others.
I finally feel like a tree with pretty deep roots, but currently the tree is being smashed by storms. I think I am starting to realize and read it in your note too that like it says in Madea's advice on relationships it is the roots that matter....not just in who we let into our life, but in having for ourselves.
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