jayjay1882

I woke up this morning and my first thought was: Where's my husband?
Then I remembered I made him leave until he got sober and then I felt the most crushing guilt that I haven't felt since the first week or two of our seperation. (it's only been a month and a half since we seperated). I was doing so good until I woke up this morning. This feeling plagued me all day interlaced with depression and anxiety. And I just feel broadsided since I had been feeling so positive and cheerful.

I have been attending Al-anon and it has helped so much.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Thanks for listening

caughthiminject

I left my axbf two weeks ago. every morning i wake up with a bit of a crushing hopeless feeling. it gets better in the daytime, it's worse at night. hang in there.

BeProactive

I know the feeling.. Lots of wisdom and ESH in the replies to my post..

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...uilt-pity.html

Hugs, hang in there and take care of yourself.

veryregretful

My STBXAH has been gone from my house for 6 days. I mostly feel the guilt in the afternoon when I get home from work and looking around the house. Then I look at my children laughing (actually laughing out loud which they haven't done in a long time) and that guilt goes away. I am laughing outloud more.

I feel bad mostly now for him and hopefully he will get better for himself so he won't be dead in a year. But for me, the guilt doesn't stay with me too long.

I'm enjoying the peace in my home way too much to have those guilty feelings go away.

I never thought I would be here in my life with more laughter and peace around me.

I think it gets better every day. Even before when he left a few times for a month or two, I was very guilty at the beginning but less as each day went on.

Hang in there.

GettingBy

Phew, I am sooo grateful you posted this!! I was having similiar feelings this morning about my position now. I felt guilty for "hurting him" when I asked for what I needed (ie. a home without an active alcoholic in it!). Then I went back to my recovery...

I'm not doing anything TO HIM... I am just taking care of ME. So, when I feel guilt/pity, I have to remember that I am right where I am suppose to be. Doing what's best for me and the children. And like Veryregretful said, when I focus on the peace/serenity/happiness that his absence brings... I reinforce my decision to not live with an active alcoholic. When I focus on his pain, my thinking gets distorted. I begin to take responsibility for his feelings... and then, my boundaries slide. My guilt gets me settling for less than I deserve. NO GOOD.

So thank you... thank you for posting this today!! Your share is exactly what I needed for my recovery!!
Shannon

wanttobehealthy

I haven't yet felt the guilty, feeling bad for him feeling but I am feeling the "oh my god, this is really how it's going to be from now on and wow- this marriage is really, really done" and that hits me hard once in a while.

But like very regretful said above, my children are sooooo different together and with me and our home is happy and comfortable and it's such a marked difference that I have to remind myself of this when I start to feel sad about the things I perceive I've lost...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time... I hate cliched phrases BUT the whole 'this too shall pass' is one that despite my cynicism has actually proven to be true. You're allowed to feel down and just be with that feeling. Tomorrow is a new day (more cliches I guess!) and just because today feels sucky doesn't mean tomorrow will. I've been telling myself this and it's made getting through the rough times a lot easier.

MTSlideAddict

Hang in there. Hopefully today has brought better feelings your way. It is okay to miss someone, but also know that you have done the right thing for you. The quilty feeling will pass.

Continue to take care of you and go easy on yourself.

nodaybut2day

Just wanted to post one of the Classic Reading stickies that really helped me:

Letting go of guilt

painterman

I have had all these feelings in various doses since confronting my partner head on, I suppose it's natural but sometimes they linger too long! Best wishes

winnie1202

My husband is in day 17 is his 28 day program. I am still very stressed about money but OTOH living at home has been so very non-stressful. No worrying about what condition he is going to be in when I get home. No looking at glassy eyes and wondering how much he has been drinking. My daughter and I are enjoying it. I bet my BP has gone down, too.

From the forum I have decided that when he comes home we will support his recovery but after many years of seeing the effects of his drinking on me and my kids if there is a relapse there are no more chances. I will call the attorney. It's time to grow up and accept the consequences of not doing what needs to be done which in this case is staying sober and being an adult. Because his drinking affected our finances especially over rhe last year I have spent the 3 weeks talking to a bankruptcy attorney and we will be filing Chapter 13 on 10/1. I didn't have a choice in order to save our home. I like being in control of my fate now. I am not looking forward to him coming home and I fee bad about that.

LifeRecovery

I am a year out from separation and over nine months from divorce.

My ex did not want either reconciliation or recovery

I had a great weekend this last weekend. I started a training and am getting ready to start a meditation class (which I never could have swung while married).

I got in the car after the training feeling all calm and serene and cried for the next 15-20 min on the way home. It was all about the ex. Some guilt, a lot of sadness, a lot of acceptance. None of it is as "raw" now, so it feels like I am more in touch with all the hurt.

It has been on and off all week like this.

Realizing that this is a "normal" part of the grief process and of healing has helped in the big picture, but it can really catch me by surprise and throw me off. I know if I start judging it though it will only make it worse.

KerBearz

Thank you, JayJay for posting this today. I'm struggling with many of the same issues ~ sadness, guilt, fear, peace, hope, serenity & then a little more guilt for feeling so peaceful. Acceptance of my situation, my AH's situation and the current state of our marriage has been very, very difficult because it isn't turning out the way I wanted it to.

One day at a time if for us too, I guess. (((Hugs)))

MTUSA

Hi Jay Jay,

He's your spouse, not your child. I have no doubt you love and miss the person he was before the alcohol affected him. Having someone in your life who is making you feel horrible, by your own choice.

I am sorry your heart is so torn, but that shows you have a heart. Be kind to him when you can, just tell him you love him...but not the alcoholic.

My best to you.