So- she sets the boundary and then breaks it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 32
So- she sets the boundary and then breaks it?
I am confused. Boundary (manipulative one, at that--long story): I don't want to see you, interact with you or your family ever again.
And then she calls my house and wants to talk-- my child hands me the phone and she acts like nothing ever happened? That she didn't call me a bad mother, ridicule my friends, question ALL of my parenting skills..... really? I haven't forgotten but she is just assuming that since 2 months have passed that I will forgive and forget (again)?
I don't get it. I have not forgotten. I will not forget. This is such a pattern with her and I don't know where to go from here? Do I just sit down with her and lay out MY boundary?
Any input is appreciated.
And then she calls my house and wants to talk-- my child hands me the phone and she acts like nothing ever happened? That she didn't call me a bad mother, ridicule my friends, question ALL of my parenting skills..... really? I haven't forgotten but she is just assuming that since 2 months have passed that I will forgive and forget (again)?
I don't get it. I have not forgotten. I will not forget. This is such a pattern with her and I don't know where to go from here? Do I just sit down with her and lay out MY boundary?
Any input is appreciated.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
yep...time and time again, people will test you...but also, you will receive "flack" for setting boundaries..people dont like that, and especially when you stick with them....
this boundary is for you..stick with it..no shame in SELF CARE
this boundary is for you..stick with it..no shame in SELF CARE
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
You can't control what she does/doesn't do. You said this is a pattern with her.
What you do have control over is you and your choices, including boundaries you may set with her. Be consistent. She probably won't like it but that's her problem, not yours.
Sending hugs of support.
What you do have control over is you and your choices, including boundaries you may set with her. Be consistent. She probably won't like it but that's her problem, not yours.
Sending hugs of support.
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
No, what she gave you was a manipulation, not a boundary.
When we have boundaries, we don't even have to voice them. We don't have to make a big announcement. You can, but you don't have to.
For instance, a boundary can be: If my A starts to drink, I will leave the event.
If my A calls me after 9:00 p.m., it is likely s/he is drunk. I won't answer the phone.
If my A continues to upset my family's status quo, I will not have contact. You can either tell your A this if you want, or you can simply not take their calls, visits, or receive their communications at all. That is for you to limit, if you wish. Some people voice their boundaries to their A. I believe actions speak louder than words.
When we have boundaries, we don't even have to voice them. We don't have to make a big announcement. You can, but you don't have to.
For instance, a boundary can be: If my A starts to drink, I will leave the event.
If my A calls me after 9:00 p.m., it is likely s/he is drunk. I won't answer the phone.
If my A continues to upset my family's status quo, I will not have contact. You can either tell your A this if you want, or you can simply not take their calls, visits, or receive their communications at all. That is for you to limit, if you wish. Some people voice their boundaries to their A. I believe actions speak louder than words.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
She is an alcoholic, she really has no idea what she is doing or saying. Addicts lack impulse control.
Because she called didn't mean that you had to talk to her. You chose to do that.
If you don't want to have a relationship with her, set your bounderies and stick to them.
I am aware of your situation, however, only you can control your involvement with her.
She controls the dialing part of her phone, you control the hanging up part of your phone.
Because she called didn't mean that you had to talk to her. You chose to do that.
If you don't want to have a relationship with her, set your bounderies and stick to them.
I am aware of your situation, however, only you can control your involvement with her.
She controls the dialing part of her phone, you control the hanging up part of your phone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by dollydo 
She is an alcoholic, she really has no idea what she is doing or saying. Addicts lack impulse control.
Because she called didn't mean that you had to talk to her. You chose to do that.
If you don't want to have a relationship with her, set your bounderies and stick to them.
I am aware of your situation, however, only you can control your involvement with her.
She controls the dialing part of her phone, you control the hanging up part of your phone.
Because she called didn't mean that you had to talk to her. You chose to do that.
If you don't want to have a relationship with her, set your bounderies and stick to them.
I am aware of your situation, however, only you can control your involvement with her.
She controls the dialing part of her phone, you control the hanging up part of your phone.
Now I will be ready next time... for as we all know... there will be a next time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
