September 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON
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September 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON
September 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Occasionally, an Al-Anon meeting dredges up grievances and reports of domestic hostility. The chairman of one such meeting, having also told about “family fights” of her own, jolted the group with this final comment:
I’ve often wondered, when I start a battle with my husband, how I’d feel if somebody were making a tape recording of what I was saying and the tone of voice I was using to say it. I’d be screeching and shouting like a fish wife; I’d bring up all my weapons of sarcasm like a fish wife; I’d bring up all my weapons of sarcasm and lash out. And by the way, the word “sarcasm” comes from a Greek word, meaning, “to tear flesh.”
Wouldn’t I feel pretty cheap if I could hear myself being played back? Wouldn’t it give me some idea of my part in the family troubles?
“Please, please, let’s listen to ourselves and see if it doesn’t help us to cool off.”
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will, from now on, take note of how disagreements start in my home. If I am the instigator, this is the first thing I will try to correct in myself. If I am challenged by an angry person, I will respond quietly or not at all.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” – Proverbs
Occasionally, an Al-Anon meeting dredges up grievances and reports of domestic hostility. The chairman of one such meeting, having also told about “family fights” of her own, jolted the group with this final comment:
I’ve often wondered, when I start a battle with my husband, how I’d feel if somebody were making a tape recording of what I was saying and the tone of voice I was using to say it. I’d be screeching and shouting like a fish wife; I’d bring up all my weapons of sarcasm like a fish wife; I’d bring up all my weapons of sarcasm and lash out. And by the way, the word “sarcasm” comes from a Greek word, meaning, “to tear flesh.”
Wouldn’t I feel pretty cheap if I could hear myself being played back? Wouldn’t it give me some idea of my part in the family troubles?
“Please, please, let’s listen to ourselves and see if it doesn’t help us to cool off.”
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will, from now on, take note of how disagreements start in my home. If I am the instigator, this is the first thing I will try to correct in myself. If I am challenged by an angry person, I will respond quietly or not at all.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” – Proverbs
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
This reading brought back a lot of painful memories for me. I grew up with a mother who had a sharp tongue, and I remember at about a year clean/sober, I was saying something to my oldest daughter (then 9) and suddenly realized my tongue was just as sharp as my mother's. It was painful, and yet suddenly freeing because I realized it was something that I could change.
I also struggled with this after Amber came home from foster care, and she was still very angry. It was so hard not to match that anger with more anger on my end, and that damned sharp tongue I had worked to resolve.
I try to temper my words with understanding and kindness these days. If nothing else, I walk away when I feel the urge rising to "bite" with my words.
Thank God for recovery and the tools to change what was so ugly within myself!
I also struggled with this after Amber came home from foster care, and she was still very angry. It was so hard not to match that anger with more anger on my end, and that damned sharp tongue I had worked to resolve.
I try to temper my words with understanding and kindness these days. If nothing else, I walk away when I feel the urge rising to "bite" with my words.
Thank God for recovery and the tools to change what was so ugly within myself!
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