today i feel...
 

like i am waiting for godot. anyone else ever have that feeling?

are we talking existentialism? can't quite remember the play!

painterman, while that is the point of the play, i'm not feeling that philosophical today.

it's just one of those "hurry up and let's do this" kind of days where nothing is happening all too slowly. make sense?

...good! Went to an obligation type of event that I wasn't looking forward to. The weather was beautiful, the people were nice, the food was good, enjoyed myself and feel good that I did the right thing by going.

... peaceful, joyful, at ease, almost ridiculously happy.

I have faith that things will work out. I don't know when, and I'm not a patient person, but I have let go of having to fix everything. (Now I just need the people around me to leave it alone, too, and not tell me what I have to do... :lmao )

Life is only getting better.

Nothing happening all too slowly, I like it-sounds like a classic description of boredom! I hope you didn't have the 100 yard stare as well. Hope it's changed -we all get those days.

it did change, but not in the manner i had hoped. i've been praying about my relationship with my ab and was at peace knowing that, at this point, i wanted to continue standing beside him. i called him to let him know this, and his was response was that he doesn't love me "that" way. so...now, he's my xab.

while i *know* this is for the best, my heart is absolutely broken. i received a text from his mother this morning that said i was on her heart and that, while it is no comfort right now, i may be saved from years of unhappiness for me and my future children. such sad, but true, words, from HIS mom.

i. hate. alcohol.

You are a good person, who is trying to do the right thing, I hope you can take heart from that and think that it may still work out, if not then it had to be another way-which will bring you peace I hope.

"it did change, but not in the manner i had hoped. i've been praying about my relationship with my ab and was at peace knowing that, at this point, i wanted to continue standing beside him. i called him to let him know this, and his was response was that he doesn't love me "that" way. so...now, he's my xab."

This is sort of what's going on with me right now except it's my husband.

"while i *know* this is for the best, my heart is absolutely broken. i received a text from his mother this morning that said i was on her heart and that, while it is no comfort right now, i may be saved from years of unhappiness for me and my future children. such sad, but true, words, from HIS mom."

And this is me too. His family has been a great help and comfort to me. I'm losing him and also his son, who he has had primary custody of for the 3 years we've been together. Thank God the boy's mother is still willing to let me see him even though AH doesn't want anything to do with me or him.

My heart goes out to you.

good for you, wellnowwhat and lillamy! :) i look forward to feeling as the both of you do.

thank you for your kind words, painterman and thlayli. it's been a rough weekend, and it helps to know that i'm not really alone on this journey, even if we are all on different pathways.

right now my biggest struggle is coming to terms with the fact that a week ago i was being called beautiful and being told that i was loved and appreciated, and now he's "truly sorry" that he doesn't love me and i "deserve better." it's equal parts infuriating and heart-rending.

i'm beginning to understand the whole "alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages" saying.