Friday
 

Maybe I've made this post before, but because I'm sitting in an empty house right now and it's Friday night, forgive me if I repeat myself.

I remember Fridays when I was married to an A.
How everyone in the office was going around saying "Thank GOD it's finally FRIDAY!" and "Have anything exciting planned for the weekend?" and I sat there with a pit in my stomach and thought to myself "Yeah, how about making sure the kids don't get the brunt of it when AH is drunk and mad? How about getting woken up at 3 am and raped by a drunk? That exciting enough for ya?"

I dreaded weekends. Fridays were the worst. Once Sunday morning rolled around, he was usually too drunk to wake up before 3 in the afternoon (he had basically been drinking since he got home on Friday) and the kids and I could get some peace, go out and do some fun stuff. Try to pretend like everything was fine.

I can't tell you how different Fridays are for me now. How I relish the time with the kids, uninterrupted (the weekends they're with me). How I enjoy having time to clean my tiny little apartment and know that nobody's going to puke in the sink. How I can sleep in without having a drunk demand sex.

But I know I'm surrounded by people who are today where I was just a short while ago. I see them at the office. I see it in their eyes, how they look away, look busy, or go get more coffee when someone starts talking about weekend plans.

And I know I'm surrounded by people here who are in that same place of dreading weekends.

Just know that you're not alone. And that there's always a way out. If you want there to be.

Big hugs to you.

Eloquent.

Thank you.

And thank you for sharing your hard-won recovery with us.

What a lovely, compassionate post.

I'm so glad you are in a better place, and Fridays are now to be anticipated with joy!

And that your kids can now learn weekends are to be spent in fun and adventure, not avoidance and fear.

CLMI

Thank you so much for this post. It's really what I needed to read right now. I had to deal with a miserable interaction with AH late this week and it spilled over into last night but today I have had a great day with my girls and was struck while at the apple orchard with them just how at ease they were, I was, and how happy we all were bc AH wasn't there.

For years I felt so so so alone at work at the weeks end bc just like you I dreaded the weekend. Hated every second of it. Wasted precious years with my kids bc I was so stressed and upset and on edge and worried etc... bc of what life is like living with an A.

My AH didn't drink non stop all weekend. He pretended he wanted a family but he really wanted to be left alone and bc he wasn't left alone 100% of the weekend and left to do whatever he wanted (he wanted the house to himself and us gone) we all walked on eggshells and it was hellish.

It took me years to figure out why I hated the weekends so much. Afterall he wasn't falling down drunk, beating me, getting arrested etc... It was all passive and subtle and yet there was SO much anger and I was in fear and stressed all the time.

Things are so different with him gone and I look forward to many many years of looking forward to and enjoying my weekends.

This is such a great thread Lillamy! Thank you for creating the opportunity for me to be reminded of how nice it is to enjoy my weekends and I really am treasuring the good moments I now have with my kids..

You made me smile, Lillamy! :hug: :hug:

I know the feeling of dreading certain days, quite often Sunday lunch would go badly wrong so I would dread that. I'm starting to feel some of that relief that you describe.
thanks for sharing that.