NotSoSmart

I've found that most addicts I've met are or can be very likeable and charismatic people. Whether that is a common trait or something that gets developed to make it easier to socialize with and score drugs who knows. It does make it harder for those of us in relationships with them to separate the "good person" from the unacceptable behavior.
One of the gems from this site was to look for the what IS instead of the what WAS or COULD BE in a person. I was living in the fantasy of what she could be... in reality she was in full addict mode until she made the choice to change it. My choices became do I want to live in this reality or not.

Terminally Unique

If you keep in mind the addictive mandate (drink/use!), the bizzare behavior of addicted people does make sense. The prime directive from the POV of someone who is addicted is to keep on drinking and using. They are living like an animal, between fixes, emulating normal human roles in the interim. An intelligent animal, to be sure, but still driven by primal needs.

When addicted people talk about how "no one understands," they are being quite honest, but the irony is that they themselves usually fail to grasp why no one understands. The reason they feel this way is because of this emulation of normal human roles. The addicted person is quite literally one step removed from humanity at all times.

caughthiminject

You're right, it's easier to just dump him and find someone else down the road. I'm glad I'm not an addict. It must be a miserable life for them.

NYCDoglvr

In order to stay drunk, many alcoholics need someone to take care of them and the details of life they don't want to bother with. But that's all it is, it's not love or caring because an active alcoholic is incapable of genuine feelings. So, he'll manipulate you, say anything to get what he wants. And your life will return to being the hell it was before you parted ways.

soberlicious

Wow...what powerful wording. So true. I existed one step removed for many years.

Terminally Unique

It's a hard pill to swallow, but that's why we felt like a fraud much of the time while addicted. You really do just go through the motions by the end, almost like watching life as if it were a movie. I don't know to what extent what I write on here resonates with the never-addicted, though.

soberlicious

That's exactly what it was like. Huge disconnect. and, I'm not sure it can resonate with those who have never experienced it.

OnMyWay11

I have not had that experience, but I did have a great realization over the weekend. I had a few moments when I was feeling a little sorry for myself and it hurt. Then I thought how lucky I am that I can have those feelings. My ex is so numb that if he starts to feel anything, he just grabs a drink. So sad. I really appreciate the fact that I can FEEL. Good or bad. I feel. I am not sure that this makes sense....

Freedom1990

Makes perfect sense to me! This is one of the greatest gifts of my recovery...that I can feel too. Even though the feelings are unpleasant at times, I'm not chemically altering my state of mind anymore.

StarlightSasha

My exabf that I have a three year old daughter with, left us a year ago and soon after ran off to Arizona with a new woman/GF that he is now living with. Not only has he NOT come back. But he has not even called ONCE to ask about our daughter. I've heard that A's always end up coming back... but I think in this case, he is gone forever.