lulu1974

Hello friends,

Its been a while. I hope everyone is doing ok. I start school today full time. Finishing up my bachelors degree. I am lucky as I have saved enough to hopefully finish my degree fulltime in the next year. My dream job that I got last December turned into a nightmare and we mutually decided we would go our separate ways. But they were jerks about it. They wanted me to work 50 hours a week and tack on 10 hours of commuting a week that was too much for me. Anyways I should be happy right? I have a chance to change my life. And take a bit of a break. But I feel a bit lost.

After divorcing my A last year and going through the trama of him being involved in criminal activities and eventually cheating on me I was proud to have left. But it does not seem much has gotten better since then. Boy life is tough. My A dad passed in March. My mom has been sick since then. I was working like a lunatic. I had horrible insomnia and anxiety. And no energy. And now I lost my job.

I met someone - but he is not right for me. And I am afraid to walk away because it seems in my age range its very hard to meet men. But he is insecure ane codependent and its too much for me. A nice guy otherwise.

But will I ever get to a place of happiness? Acceptance at least?

Thanks for listening

Lulu

lulu1974

Thanks Anvilhead. Your replies always speak to me. Now to figure out how to get to that glorious place!!

SoaringSpirits

This is SO true! Crap turns into compost eventually if we work at it.

nodaybut2day

Hi lulu,

Glad to see you back here. I too recently popped back in to SR after I ended my relationship with a wonderful man who was just wrong for me. He was 34 going on 18, desperately afraid of change, and deep down, not at all ready to become a family man. I already have a child and her needs came first. So, I ended it, despite begging and pleading from him. It was tough but I am so glad I followed my instinct right away and ended the relationship with honesty. He later thanked me for it.

In retrospect, I started that relationship rather soon after my separation (about 4 months), and I don't think I truly had time to get my bearings and grieve the end of my marriage. Granted, I had grieved a lot DURING the marriage, but to go from living with a rageoholic/alcoholic to living as a single mother, there was a lot of adjusting to do. The relationship I had was wonderful though and it allowed me to see that I *could* be treated with respect, love and admiration.

Stepping back, I can see HP leading me to the right path and giving me the opportunity to understand more about myself. Perhaps your relationship is the same sort of opportunity for you: an exercise in defeating your own codependence.

I'm so sorry about the job loss. It seems that situation was a clear impasse for you, and that it has given you an opportunity to return to school. Congratulations! I too am in school, albeit *very* part-time and I'm glad for the opportunity to take my career in another direction.

And finally, like you, I experienced a difficult loss last year: my young cousin was killed by a thief in the subway in Paris. It was a tough blow to everyone in the family. I miss her terribly.

So it seems we're walking a very similar path! I've come to realize recently that I need to give myself the opportunity to learn how to live as a single woman and be at peace with that.

caughthiminject

i hear you

Babyblue

I don't feel like I've made it some days and some days I feel at least comfortable with what I've done so far. But it took lots of hard work and that is what you are doing.

Plus add on the unfortunate circumstances that came up for you, it is GREAT you are going back to school full time as it is. Maybe with that under your belt you will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, esp after all you are going through.

But there are areas in my life that I feel will need a lifetime of work (like relationships!).

LaTeeDa

I don't believe I will ever "get there." Mostly because there is no "there" to get to. Life is one big (hopefully) long adventure full of twists and turns and unexpected stuff. I've learned not to get too comfortable or complacent because if I do, you can bet the universe will send me a wake up call, lol. I think the secret is just making the best of each and every day. Sure, some days are a heck of a lot better or worse than others, but the only thing you can really count on is that things will change. You can resist it or go with it. I've found it much easier and less stressful to go with it.

L

m1k3

hi Lulu. I'm sorry you are going through so much. ((((hugs)))). What jumped out at me was what I quoted above. I look at things a little differently, I am already in that place of happiness and acceptance, it's just that I get so distracted by what is going on around me that I forget to turn around and look at where I really am. Meditation is a great tool for me to regain my center and my perspective.

Your friend,

dollydo

Hi LuLu,

Sorry for all your recent setbacks. I lost my Dad last year, it hurt, created internal turmoil, I had to work through it, one day at a time.

Life is basically about hurdles, some smaller than others, yet, all must be jumped over in order to keep moving forward in the cycle of life.

I believe that with time you will be just fine, you are strong, you are resourcefull.

Happiness is an inside job, there is no man on God's Green Earth, that can make you happy, that can make you whole, that my friend is entirely up to you.

So very sorry about your loss,

yorkiegirl

I feel like I am "getting there". . . One day at a time, working on myself, loving the people in my life for who they are, letting things "just be," being the best human being I can possibly be (lots of work to be done here!), appreciating all that I have & just "wanting what I already have." I have my moments. . .(When I have my moments, I ask my Higher Powers to intervene, to guide me, and to provide me with the "teaching moments" I need). It's not so much about "being happy" for me. Life is filled with so much (happiness included but also sadness, boredom, ups, downs, etc.). . .

I'm not sure we ever "finally make it" (although each day that passes, I feel like I'm in a better place) --at least, for me, I should say. I think for me, *life* is about *forever being in process* & continuing to feel, grow & learn. . . And if I'm going to be *in process* as long as I'm around on this earth, I have to give it my best shot at making it meaningful & purposeful. . .

yorkiegirl

I just read a quote something to the effect of, "The way out of suffering is through it." I guess when we get through our challenging times, reflect upon the lessons/the gifts we learned from those difficulties, and look back at them with light & perspective, then & only then are we able to *know* "We've made it" or that "We're making it."

Tuffgirl

When I start feeling overwhelmed by life's daily stressors (big and small), I pull out my gratitude list and start reading or adding to the list.

Such great advice here already, but I have to agree with the idea that happiness and acceptance come from within, regardless of the outside circumstances we are in. It's all about perspective, or as Mike says above, stopping to smell the roses instead of fumbling around in the thorns.

barb dwyer

LIke Yorkie Girl said -

I never feel like I've 'done it'.

But almost every day SOMETHING occurs
that I can feel like
I'm 'DOING it.'

(((((((((((( big belated hug )))))))))))))

Even in the last two weeks
when it was as low as it's been so far-
I knew it was not as bad
as it had been before.

I was just *TIRED* of proving it all the time.

Know in your heart that these things pass.
Because ... well, these things...pass.


When *I* read your post-
I saw it more as
being time to make for yourself 'another new'.

When we change ourselves
we have to change everything.

That means everything.

Yours is just a LOT,
but it's right on schedule.

Like Laurie saved my life one time by saying -

"You're exactly where you're supposed to be".

Maybe Mister 'Not Right' is just that -
a bit of practice that will become habit
of not settling, of not
inviting in any more 'fixer-uppers'
and finally releasing the old habitual
"I'll take you cuz there's no one else'

that we all do ...
(some of us again and again)

and realizing the person
we always really wanted
is the one in the mirror.

Just a practice run of walking the talk
of the commitment of putting the Self
and the desires and 'best fors' for the SELF

above all others.

Or maybe I'm full of it.

but here's another ((((hug)))))
cuz you've been there so many times for me.