Lasting Effects....

Old 09-07-2011, 08:06 PM
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Lasting Effects....

Now that I am feeling like I have found myself again, I am realizing that there are seriously some long term effects to living with verbal abuse and lies and alcoholism. For example, I have NEVER been the type of person who cries. I have always been able to deal with situation, state my minds, and move on. Now I find that when I have a disagreement with someone it causes me almost an overwhelming amount of anxiety. I immediately become defensive, my tone of voice changes, and if I feel attacked I immediately shut down to nothing. This is NOT effective in dealing with conflict, but it is my reaction. It has happened twice in interactions w/ coworkers, both of which I felt extremely attacked, but after conversations realized was not their intent. I am really trying to work on this, both time it led me to tears. I don't think I realized the amount of damage to myself that was taking place when I allowed myself to live in that crazy situation. Now feeling like I have been able to step away from that life and see it for what it was, I feel like I can see what happened. It kind of scares me to know that someone else's actions toward me, can change my own behavior so much. I'm sure there are other lasting effects from living in this craziness, I am simply trying to identify them when I can, then do my best to correct these behaviors. I have to say though, as much hell as I feel like went through...I am certain I have come out a more compassionate, loving, accepting person of myself and of others. So out of this, a lot of good has come.
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Old 09-07-2011, 09:37 PM
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Yes Moni, it's called abuse. Abuse can change who people are and gravely affect what they are capable of becoming. Have you filed for divorce yet? Wishing you the best.
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Old 09-07-2011, 09:52 PM
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I have to say I was a little surprised when my therapist diagnosed me with PTSD. I thought I handled everything very well, and could just get over it and move on. Well, not so much. I had anxiety attacks for a while, and still, five years later, things will trigger me to near panic. It gets better, don't get me wrong, but it's very serious and not to be taken lightly. ((()))

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Old 09-08-2011, 05:42 AM
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I've been married 20 years to a AH. He is now STBXAH. All the verbal abuse I received and the lies, etc. I beginning to realize I may have PSTD.

Anyway, yesterday I got an email from my boss because i didn't finish some work on time. She basically yelled at me. I stared at this email for a few minutes. I took it as verbal abuse. Then I sat there and thought about it. Of course she was mad because I didn't do something that had to be finished. I don't think she should have wrote the email that way. But it was for something I did. Not like my AH would yell and say things to me that there was no reason for.

I had to step back and see where she was coming from. She probably got spoken too because I didn't finish what I had to do. She had to send it anyway. I understand.

I, too, am looking at myself and see how I react to different people and what they say. I still feel I am not worthy of friendship and such sometimes. But more often then not I am. I have a few great friends who do not judge and I love them dearly!!

Verbal abuse I think is really bad on us. It wears you down. I had a bad day yesterday cuz of STBXAH telling me he was going to police department to press charges. I was doing so good until yesterday.

I went to bed last night and was thinking tomorrow is a new day. And today I fell great!!

Thanks for letting me share
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