New and need some advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Kitchener, Ontario
Posts: 6
New and need some advice
Hello Everyone,
I just joined this message board and I am in need of some advice. My partner and I share an apartment with her father. He is the alcoholic, and we are going to tell him he needs to move out. We were planning on saying something to him last night, but when he finally decided to come home, he was drunk and passed out on the couch within minutes. So, we couldn't say anything to him last night. So, tonight is the night since we know when he gets home from work, he won't be drinking. Any advice on how to handle this??
Thanks.
Jairus
I just joined this message board and I am in need of some advice. My partner and I share an apartment with her father. He is the alcoholic, and we are going to tell him he needs to move out. We were planning on saying something to him last night, but when he finally decided to come home, he was drunk and passed out on the couch within minutes. So, we couldn't say anything to him last night. So, tonight is the night since we know when he gets home from work, he won't be drinking. Any advice on how to handle this??
Thanks.
Jairus
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Speak from your heart
and tell him the truth, as you see it. Be prepared for excuses and denial. Be prepared for bargaining. If you and your partner have specifics, lay them out. As in...you need to be out of here in two months (or whatever you two have in mind).
You and your partner are setting boundaries. This is not usually met well by alcoholics. Do it anyway.
Good luck.
Peace,
Gabe
You and your partner are setting boundaries. This is not usually met well by alcoholics. Do it anyway.
Good luck.
Peace,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
Gabe is right. Hes probably not going to go quietly. But hang in there. The two of you deserve to have a life without alchoholic drama if thats what you choose. Dont forget to save some extra patience for your partner. No matter what this is her DAD and shes going to feel depressed about kicking him out. And she'll worry about him. Us Codies are like that.
I would make sure to do it together though. Dont tell him by yourself. You didnt say but is this what your partner wants too. If its not then the next time shes mad at you, you might hear about how you threw her Dad out right before Christmas. You didnt say but does he have someplace else to go.
I would make sure to do it together though. Dont tell him by yourself. You didnt say but is this what your partner wants too. If its not then the next time shes mad at you, you might hear about how you threw her Dad out right before Christmas. You didnt say but does he have someplace else to go.
Last edited by Cecilia; 12-01-2003 at 05:05 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Kitchener, Ontario
Posts: 6
Thanks Gabe and Celia,
Actually, it was Tammy's idea toask him to leave months ago. She is fed up and can't watch him kill himself anymore. We do plan to tell him together, and now it has been pushed back until tomorrow night. We had delivery men here tonight and he started drinking before they left. Kind of pointless to talk when he has a beer in his hand. So, Tam told him tomorrow we all needed to talk and he can't have a beer until it is done.
I don't know how he will react, but I have been looking for places for him to live, he'll just need to check one out and pay the rent there. He just got pulled over on Friday and has to go to court for no license, registration or insurance.
I am ready for the excuses and Tam said she doesn't care what he has to say, she wants him gone. I know that it will be hard, but he has driven her away as well. I know it's going to be hard on both of us. I love him too and I don't know what to do. If we don't ask him to leave, the landlord will evict him because his room is turning into a toxic waste dump!!
Thanks for listening and sharing.
Jairus
Actually, it was Tammy's idea toask him to leave months ago. She is fed up and can't watch him kill himself anymore. We do plan to tell him together, and now it has been pushed back until tomorrow night. We had delivery men here tonight and he started drinking before they left. Kind of pointless to talk when he has a beer in his hand. So, Tam told him tomorrow we all needed to talk and he can't have a beer until it is done.
I don't know how he will react, but I have been looking for places for him to live, he'll just need to check one out and pay the rent there. He just got pulled over on Friday and has to go to court for no license, registration or insurance.
I am ready for the excuses and Tam said she doesn't care what he has to say, she wants him gone. I know that it will be hard, but he has driven her away as well. I know it's going to be hard on both of us. I love him too and I don't know what to do. If we don't ask him to leave, the landlord will evict him because his room is turning into a toxic waste dump!!
Thanks for listening and sharing.
Jairus
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Jairus,
Welcome and I am sorry to hear about the situation. It is a tough one. My alcoholic father lived with my husband (also and alcoholic) and I for several months after he sold his house. It was temporary, but it was EXTREMELY difficult. I found out the hard way that the truth hurt me as much or more than it hurt him. Telling them the truth about what you see....then they totally blow you off or deny what you have said......causing doubt in your mind. Do be prepared......don't be guilted!!
You two deserve a serene life without all the drinking drama!!
Blessings
Constant
Welcome and I am sorry to hear about the situation. It is a tough one. My alcoholic father lived with my husband (also and alcoholic) and I for several months after he sold his house. It was temporary, but it was EXTREMELY difficult. I found out the hard way that the truth hurt me as much or more than it hurt him. Telling them the truth about what you see....then they totally blow you off or deny what you have said......causing doubt in your mind. Do be prepared......don't be guilted!!
You two deserve a serene life without all the drinking drama!!
Blessings
Constant
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Kitchener, Ontario
Posts: 6
Constant,
Thanks for the welcome and the advice. I know it will be tough, but I am leaving it up to God to give us the words. We both know that this is best for all of us and maybe he will realize what he is doing to everyone around him. I don't know, but that isn't for me to control. I can only control my life and be there for Tam! But, I do know that the 2 months he wasn't here, were the best months we have had together in a year and a half. I stopped alcohol controlling my life and I refuse to let it control me again, whether it is me drinking, or someone else. Again, thanks for the support!
Jairus
Thanks for the welcome and the advice. I know it will be tough, but I am leaving it up to God to give us the words. We both know that this is best for all of us and maybe he will realize what he is doing to everyone around him. I don't know, but that isn't for me to control. I can only control my life and be there for Tam! But, I do know that the 2 months he wasn't here, were the best months we have had together in a year and a half. I stopped alcohol controlling my life and I refuse to let it control me again, whether it is me drinking, or someone else. Again, thanks for the support!
Jairus
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Kitchener, Ontario
Posts: 6
Constant,
I grew up in an alcoholic family. As a chikd, I watched my dad beat my mom, and as an adult, my grandfather beat my grandmother. It's not going to be easy but it is necessary for mental health. Before he gets home this afternoon, I am sure I will be in prayer and anticipation, but looking forward to the serenity that will come from it in the end. Thanks again for all the support and I will for sure keep you posted.
God Bless,
Jairus
I grew up in an alcoholic family. As a chikd, I watched my dad beat my mom, and as an adult, my grandfather beat my grandmother. It's not going to be easy but it is necessary for mental health. Before he gets home this afternoon, I am sure I will be in prayer and anticipation, but looking forward to the serenity that will come from it in the end. Thanks again for all the support and I will for sure keep you posted.
God Bless,
Jairus
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