searchbug

still reading and reading... makes my stomach knot up, how much we all share and the common issues...
I don't want to deal with abf...but have to get my apt key back. It hangs out there like a cloud, leaving open a chance to reconcile, rebuild. Not sure I even want that... getting the key is a means to STOP WAITING to see if he will call me, if he intends to admit to what he has done.
Shaking. Tried to call so I can get this done, and out of the way. He won't answer.
Why am I not surprised???
NOTHING IS EVER SOLVED BY DENIAL AND RUNNING FROM ANY ISSUE. Alcoholics are masters at the game of avoiding.

CagedBird

I would just ask the apartment manager to have the locks changed.

Freedom1990

Don't expect him to admit anything.

I hope you get your key back soon, dear!

searchbug

I would..just that I'm on social security so its a huge expense, if I have to do that. Its the emotional door that I want to close...I am not worried that he will misuse it.

Freedom1990

I understand being on a fixed income, and also closing the emotional door.

Can you do something nice for yourself to get your mind off of this for a bit?

Sending you hugs of support!

MTSlideAddict

That is so true. They pick up manipulation tricks and perfect their avoidance skills throughout their active alcoholic life.

I hope you get that key back soon so that you can close that emotional door.

searchbug

"do something nice for yourself"..
well...I am here, hanging with kind people. That is VERY nice for me.

Freedom1990

There are indeed some kind people here! I'm so glad that you found us at SR!

OnMyWay11

Change the locks. I did so the day after I kicked him out.

marie1960

Oh freedom1990, you nailed it. They will never admit to anything.

One time after I expressed myself regarding A's unacceptable behavior, his response in his most charming, reeling me in voice, "You really need to stop being so sensitive, and lighten up you are far to serious these days. Perhaps we should get away for a few days"

He never heard a single word I said. URGH!!!!!!!!!!

akrasia

He won't give you the key like a normal person would after a break-up, and you know that. You're hurting and it's affecting your good judgement.

Re: lock change, you said:
"I would..just that I'm on social security so its a huge expense, if I have to do that."

How much have you been quoted for the lock change? Because if it's a "huge expense" someone is overcharging you. A single door lock change should be between $15-30, or maybe as much as $55 if there's a Chubb deadbolt as well. I realise that's a good chunk out of your grocery budget but it's worth it.

He came across as a good guy at first but now that you know he's a crazy alkie you need to change your locks. He probably has forgotten that he's "dumped" you anyway and will show up sometime to ask for some food or booze. I know you don't think he'll use the key inappropriately but you don't know that for sure, and if he (or someone else) does come in and steal things and/or break things, your insurance won't cover it since he has a key.

changeschoices

I am not at all handy, but I changed the locks on my apartment once when a BF moved out. It was quite easy and inexpensive. I would say, just change the locks so you don't have to think about getting your key back.

OnMyWay11

Home Depot and Lowes both have inexpensive locks. Like changingchoices says, they are very easy to change out.
Good luck