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Need to get my key back

Old 09-04-2011, 09:59 AM
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Need to get my key back

still reading and reading... makes my stomach knot up, how much we all share and the common issues...
I don't want to deal with abf...but have to get my apt key back. It hangs out there like a cloud, leaving open a chance to reconcile, rebuild. Not sure I even want that... getting the key is a means to STOP WAITING to see if he will call me, if he intends to admit to what he has done.
Shaking. Tried to call so I can get this done, and out of the way. He won't answer.
Why am I not surprised???
NOTHING IS EVER SOLVED BY DENIAL AND RUNNING FROM ANY ISSUE. Alcoholics are masters at the game of avoiding.
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:03 AM
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I would just ask the apartment manager to have the locks changed.
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by searchbug View Post
It hangs out there like a cloud, leaving open a chance to reconcile, rebuild. Not sure I even want that... getting the key is a means to STOP WAITING to see if he will call me, if he intends to admit to what he has done.
Don't expect him to admit anything.

I hope you get your key back soon, dear!
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:19 AM
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I would..just that I'm on social security so its a huge expense, if I have to do that. Its the emotional door that I want to close...I am not worried that he will misuse it.
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by searchbug View Post
I would..just that I'm on social security so its a huge expense, if I have to do that. Its the emotional door that I want to close...I am not worried that he will misuse it.
I understand being on a fixed income, and also closing the emotional door.

Can you do something nice for yourself to get your mind off of this for a bit?

Sending you hugs of support!
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by searchbug View Post
NOTHING IS EVER SOLVED BY DENIAL AND RUNNING FROM ANY ISSUE. Alcoholics are masters at the game of avoiding.
That is so true. They pick up manipulation tricks and perfect their avoidance skills throughout their active alcoholic life.

I hope you get that key back soon so that you can close that emotional door.
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Old 09-04-2011, 10:53 AM
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"do something nice for yourself"..
well...I am here, hanging with kind people. That is VERY nice for me.
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Old 09-04-2011, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by searchbug View Post
"do something nice for yourself"..
well...I am here, hanging with kind people. That is VERY nice for me.
There are indeed some kind people here! I'm so glad that you found us at SR!
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:22 PM
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Change the locks. I did so the day after I kicked him out.
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:28 PM
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Oh freedom1990, you nailed it. They will never admit to anything.

One time after I expressed myself regarding A's unacceptable behavior, his response in his most charming, reeling me in voice, "You really need to stop being so sensitive, and lighten up you are far to serious these days. Perhaps we should get away for a few days"

He never heard a single word I said. URGH!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:31 PM
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He won't give you the key like a normal person would after a break-up, and you know that. You're hurting and it's affecting your good judgement.

Re: lock change, you said:
"I would..just that I'm on social security so its a huge expense, if I have to do that."

How much have you been quoted for the lock change? Because if it's a "huge expense" someone is overcharging you. A single door lock change should be between $15-30, or maybe as much as $55 if there's a Chubb deadbolt as well. I realise that's a good chunk out of your grocery budget but it's worth it.

He came across as a good guy at first but now that you know he's a crazy alkie you need to change your locks. He probably has forgotten that he's "dumped" you anyway and will show up sometime to ask for some food or booze. I know you don't think he'll use the key inappropriately but you don't know that for sure, and if he (or someone else) does come in and steal things and/or break things, your insurance won't cover it since he has a key.
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Old 09-04-2011, 01:02 PM
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I am not at all handy, but I changed the locks on my apartment once when a BF moved out. It was quite easy and inexpensive. I would say, just change the locks so you don't have to think about getting your key back.
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Old 09-04-2011, 01:04 PM
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Home Depot and Lowes both have inexpensive locks. Like changingchoices says, they are very easy to change out.
Good luck
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