chrisea

great lists, Thanks

I am discovering all the many things I love to do.
I choose, the music, movies, food, concerts, wake up time, one Happy Camper

Tally

Noooooo! Why!?! Ewwwwww!

chicory

[/QUOTE]

Oh honey!
You have so much to look forward to.

Kick him out YESTERDAY!

Whats the wait???

best to you,
chicory

skippernlilg

What's changed:

--I don't cry myself to sleep.
--I sleep restfully.
--I feel healthier.
--My son is happier.
--Nothing smells weird in the house.
--The dog even seems happier.
--I don't let anyone hurt me with their judgment.

veryregretful

I have couple more.

- I don't have to here him asking where I am when I'm five minutes late coming home from work.

- I don't have to hear him asking me 'who is he?'

- I don't have to deal with him taking money all the money out of the account because he wants me to pay dearly.

- I don't have to listen to his threats anymore.

- I don't have to hear him breathe and moan about his aches and pains.

- There is many more!!!

- I can't wait till no more contact with him.

womaninprogress

I REALLY REALLY REALLY needed this thread today! I've had my phone in hand to text all morning after 2 months no contact!

I don't have to wake up in a pissed bed anymore!

I don't have to check bank accounts, phone records...

I don't have to walk on eggshells worried that he's bored so he'll drink....

I worked 8 hours Sunday without having panic attacks cause he wasn't answering his phone...

I CAN ACTUALLY PLAN A FUTURE without worrying about him ruining our plans...

I don't have to wonder if he really crashed on his friends couch lastnight....

I don't have to "babyset" him to be sure he got off to work....

I can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can.....I can do this and anything else I put my mind to!

Thank you all for reminding me I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, and so is he.

nodaybut2day

What a beautiful life-affirming thread. Thank you all for your wonderful posts.

As for me, since I left I:

• No longer buy booze for someone else
• No longer clean up cigarette butts
• No longer constantly buy things he breaks out of carelessness
• No longer clean up a filthy kitchen after he's prepared me a "gourmet" meal
• No longer listen to how GRATEFUL I need to be that my husband prepares said "gourmet" meals for me
• No longer spend evenings meticulously cleaning up broken glass that he left on the floor for fear that my crawling baby will cut herself
• No longer listen to his rants and raves about being a superior being, or about the coming Apocalypse
• No longer watch my bank account like a hawk
• No longer worry about the rent and utilities being paid on time
• No longer worry about having to cash in the empties to pay for food
• No longer eat the fast food junk he always bought
• No longer receive 15 calls, emails or text messages a day for stupid sh*t or because he's insecure and needs reassurance
• No longer get questioned daily about this or that man I'm supposedly sleeping with
• No longer have items thrown at my head or stand still and shut up while he screams in my face
• No longer feel worthless, powerless and angry all at once.

These days:

• My daughter smiles and laughs, and doesn't even remember her sperm donor
• I smile and laugh
• I am in good health
• I have paid off all debt and saved a good chunk of change
• I am in school while working so I can change my career
• I dance tango every week and love every moment of it
• I thank HP every day for my blessings.

SoaringSpirits

Since I kicked my AH out, these things have changed:

-I can sit in bed at night and read and feel peace, then go to sleep when I'm tired
-I wake up in the morning and feel peace rather than dread
-I don't have to smell booze coming out of his pores
-I don't walk on eggshells
-No longer am playing detective, smelling his breath, counting empties, finding vodka flasks stashed everywhere
-My kids are not stressed anticipating their dad coming home and ordering them around
-The house is so peaceful
-I can cook whatever I want and the kids are happy with it
-I can put dinner on at 8pm and not be reprimanded
-I can enjoy our farm and my horses without hearing later about "those damn horses!"
-I don't have to worry about what "mood" AH will come home in
-I don't have to wonder if AH will come home at 9pm after 'working late' (drinking at the office)
-I don't dread weekends
-I don't have my AH disappear on a Sunday 'to pick up the paper' and then come home 6 hours later after 'going to the office to work' (drink and look at porn on computer)
-I don't feel the intense loneliness of a living with a husband who treats me like I'm invisible
-I don't have to take constant & subtle criticism
-I don't have to deal with an AH who treats me like a filthy leper who is unworthy of touch, love, respect
-I don't have to suffer the shame of sex with a man who doesn't really love me
-I don't have to make excuses any more for my kids when they wonder why their dad is never around
-I don't have to feel sad that I'm basically a married woman raising children on her own.


I am grieving so much yet I feel like I have been let out of prison.

Carol Star

oh yeah....no worrying about porn.....yeah it's huge......

enablingwife

What an awesome thread!! I'll have to do one of these in 2 weeks when I move :0) Here is my list:
- I will finally have the patience and time for my daughters without daddy monopolizing every minute.
-no more searching his phone, wallet, pants, etc for pills DAILY.
-No more dreading nights/weekends when he's not working.
-no more listening to him ramble on and on and on and on with all of his conspiracy theory, the whole world is out to get you CRAP.
-no more hiding to check facebook messages on my phone so he won't think "my boyfriend" that doesn't exist is texting me.
-my money will be MY MONEY.
-I will hopefully never see another eggshell unless I'm making breakfast
-I will no longer have to listen to him preach....about ANYTHING!
-I will not have to listen to him lecture me about not reading the bible enough.
-I can freaking watch Twilight without criticism that I'm not a teenager every 5 minutes!
-I can READ!!!! He hates when I read.
-I will sing and dance and laugh and be ME : which is HAPPY!
-I will be teaching my daughters to not "settle" or stay in situations they don't approve of.
-no more washing my bedding twice a week because he SWEATS SO MUCH from the pills.
-no more feeling like I'm on trial every day :0)
I could go on and on but everyone else already covered it!
Again....GREAT THREAD!!!

Kimmieh

I told him that he needs to move out when he gets his paycheck. And then I won't have to deal with "I have issues, you have issues, too" anymore.
I won't have to deal with the mess he makes.
I won't have to deal with with endless talk about growing weed.
I won't spend any money on him ever again.
I won't feel like the mother of a teenage son instead of a partner.

And should I start a new relationship,
I will be with someone who doesn't drink or drinks one beer a month like me (if that).
I will be with someone who never drives drunk.
I will be with someone who can hold a job.
I will be with someone who cherishes me by doing things rather than by talking (and talking and talking...)
I will be with someone who is responsible, can keep on top of the bills when perhaps I don't feel like dealing with them, who can get the oil changed, who does not teach his stepson how to beat a drug test and smokes weed with him all day long.
I will be with someone who does not think it's cool to be an outlaw and who tries to get away with things just because he can.

And if I can't find that guy, I will be happily single for the rest of my days and adopt a lot of dogs.

Tally

Think this post needs a bump for a couple of newbies

Looking4Lotus

thankful for the reminders... today i was missing the sweet helpful funny caring long dead and gone side of him and forgetting the nasty mean heartless side of him...

veryregretful

He has been gone almost two month.

My kids are smiling and talking to each other and joking and laughing. They have been too silent for too long.

And I feel peace and myself coming back. I'm happy. Smiling. And can have a normal relationship with my kids.

It's amazing the changes I have made and things I do differently now.

The best and most important is my children and I are finally happy!

cmjames84

Ever since I left:

No more walking on eggshells.

No more feeling like I don't cook or clean good enough.

No more emotional neglect.

Learning to love myself and do things for myself.

Learning I am good person and deserve better.

More peace!

Growing more in my faith.

No more having him snoop through my stuff.

Less urges to isolate.

No more pit-feeling in my stomach having to hear him leave to go get alcohol right before the store closes.

No more feeling judged.

StarCat

THIS is a giant one for me.
And I hadn't realized until recently just how much I still judged myself by XABF's criteria.
I wasn't clean enough, thin enough, happy enough, smart enough, etc, etc, etc. I thought I worked through all that, and that I was okay and no longer believed those words, but I feel even better about myself now than I have all year, so there was some holdover from him left in my brain.

Not only do I not feel judged, I'm not judging myself either (or at least, not as much! Ha!) Progress, not perfection.

Linkmeister

What changed-me.

Once I dumped the EXABF, I found out that I don't need, want or desire drama or crazymaking in my life-peace and serenity far outweigh insanity.

boomerlady

When he leaves:
I won't have to walk on eggshells, and never talk about my feellngs since he won't talk about his
I won't have to deal with endless talk educating me since he knows more than most people about anything and everything
I won't spend more money on household expenses than he does
I won't feel like I don't have a partner and that I'm really alone when we live in the same house.
I won't have to hear ridiculous excuses for drinking like it's just too boring not to, you weren't any nicer to me when I didn't drink,,,boohoo,,,,,
I won't have to be on my toes because he's trying to manipulate me again and again.
I won't need to make excuses for why he doesn't go with me certain places or hide the fact that I don't want him with me at certain places.
I won't have to worry about how drunk he's smell or act in front of friends and family.

And should I start a new relationship,
I will be with someone who doesn't drink or drinks one beer a month like me (if that).
I will be with someone who can pay his fair share of the bills and doesn't try to weasel out of it so he can spend his money on drinking.
I will be with someone who cherishes me by doing things rather than by talking (and talking and talking...)
I will be with someone who is responsible with money, can keep on top of the bills when I don't feel like dealing with them, who can take responsibility for some things like getting the oil changed in my care.
I will be with someone who can talk about his feelings and mine and who cares what mine are.
I will be with someone that I'm proud to be with and want to show off to friends and family and not worried about his behavior.

breakingglass

i love this thread!

when i leave:

i won't have knots in my stomach as i pull in my driveway
i won't have to smell the stench of vodka through my house
i won't have to come home to a dirty house
i won't have to look at him with messed hair and sloppy clothes
i won't have to listen to him bad mouth my friends and family for no reason
i won't have to listen to how "perfect" i think i am
i won't have to turn up the tv to hear a show through all of his senseless banter
i won't have to cry every morning with just the thought of coming home to a drunken husband
i won't have to worry about the day my grandchild is born and is not allowed in my home.

i WILL live in peace
i WILL be calm
i WILL have joy

theuncertainty

Since DS and I left:

We don't come home to a dark house every day to someone sitting on the couch alone with a glass of 'water'.
We don't watch TV with the volume turned way down so we don't disturb XAH.
We don't eat dried out, burnt chicken that cooked on the grill as XAH passed out.
We don't get yelled at if we go into the kitchen for food.
We don't walk in the front door in near silence as we try to figure out what the mood is.
We don't ignore the cats because we're afraid that if we show we love them, they'll "just die" like the youngest one did.


We sing along with the radio or iPod, either just because we want to sing or because we want to be goofy and 'sing' at the top of our lungs.
We chase each other through the entire house, not just one room, as we play.
We have a beautiful cat-who-thinks-he's-a-dog who we can shower love and attention on.
We have friends over to the house.
We go out with friends.
We enter the front door with a hearty "We're HOOOOOOME!" and are greeted by "YAY, It's DS and Auntie!" (OK, usually it's "DS! Come check this out! Oh, hi, Auntie." but still. )
We LAUGH.