I snapped on my AD..

Old 09-01-2011, 10:10 PM
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I snapped on my AD..

Today was not a good day for me. My daughter Amber called me at work but I didn't answer because I was busy well, working. (I'm a 3rd grade teacher). I called her back and she wanted to have dinner tonight so we did. We went out to eat at a small resturaunt in our town.

Amber wanted to talk to me about some things, first off her court date which is next week and she just wanted to remind that she will go on time and wanted me to come and support her. Which I intend on doing. But then we talked about her hetic night last night.

She had a bad day, so she solved her problems what seems like the only way she knows how. She found three of her friends who were willing to drink with her and they got a bottle of UV, a bottle of jack, and a case of beer. She said she definately the drunkest one there because she just didn't feel good about her day and wanted to "Get as ****** up as she could as fast as she could" And I guess that's what she did. She told me she was so drunk she didn't know what was going on, but I guess she was trying to chug the UV straight from the bottle. Well vodka doesn't always feel good going down and I guess she spit it back out and dropped the bottle..on her foot. It broke and she got some glass stuck in her foot and had to go to the ER at 1:30 in the morning, messed to the point of barely being able to talk and wanting to throw up everytime she moved.

She swore they called sober people to drive her there but I kinda doubt she would know if they did or not but at least she's save she got some stiches in her foot and now she's good. But I wasn't good about this, I broke down and started crying and I told her she had to stop doing this kind of stuff. She was physically hurting herself and the fact that she to drink away her problems like that was a big problem too. I just cried and begged and pleaded her to stop drinking, I don't know what came over me. I obviously had to leave the resturaunt because I just couldn't be there with her anymore like that.

I cried to my husband about it at home after I told him what happened and tried to tell me it'd be okay but I just don't see anyway Amber is ever gonna be okay. Can someone please pray for me.
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Old 09-01-2011, 11:03 PM
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My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.
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Old 09-02-2011, 04:06 AM
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Absolutely prayers for you and amber this morning
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Old 09-02-2011, 04:32 AM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. What a nightmare for you. I hope you have a better day today. Do something nice for yourself. I hate this disease.
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Old 09-02-2011, 05:16 AM
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((((SNH)))) I have been thinking about you...and Amber....thanks for the update.

Oh, I feel your pain. Her life is spiraling out of control and you are feeling like you can't breathe. Yes, I have been there....I AM son just recently told me he's been smoking heroin. I have been watching his addiction issues for 5 or 6 years now and no matter what I do they just keep getting worse. We offered him rehab and he's there now, but still quacking like an addict, so I don't hold out much hope.

So, I have been where you are and you will learn at your own pace just like I have. I am certainly not telling you what to do, just offering a bit of advice. I think that for your own sanity and peace of mind you need to step way back....again....and stop taking her calls. I certainly don't think you should go to court with her next week and show your "support". What exactly are you "supporting"??? If she were embracing recovery and showing signs of remorse, then MAYBE .... but none of that is happening.

Her bottom is coming up quickly -- next she may lose her job. Who knows what's next. Time to give up your front row seat. It's what is best for all concerned.

I am so very sorry. I just can't say that enough. (((((Hugs)))))
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Old 09-02-2011, 05:31 AM
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I agree w/tjb, it would be best if she went to court by herself, possibly that meeting in court can be her bottom. If she clearly understands that you will not support her drinking and that she will have to face the music on her own, she may straighten up.

I am sorry about this entire mess, however, she is young, there is hope. Please continue to go to meetings, keep reading around here, it will help.
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Old 09-02-2011, 05:57 AM
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I have no experience to offer with this but I am sending prayers and support. I will join the choir though and say going to court with her is not a good idea in my opinion.

In dealing with a similar mess with my AW the only thing I could do was back way off and let things proceed on their own. One thing that helped me in dealing with her was to constantly ask myself " how does this help my recovery?".

I found that putting myself first was the only way I could get better. My wife will either get better or she won't but there isn't anything I can do to change that. I know, I tried for 15 years.

Your friend,
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:10 AM
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I can't believe she would be so insensitive to your feelings to give you a blow by blow of her latest wanna-be Jersey Shore episode, knowing how it hurts you!
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Jazzman View Post
I can't believe she would be so insensitive to your feelings to give you a blow by blow of her latest wanna-be Jersey Shore episode, knowing how it hurts you!
Based on what I experienced with my wife it doesn't surprise me at all. I think that very reason is why no contact is recommended as much as it is in early recovery and to be honest, whenever needed later in recovery.

A's dearly do love their drama.

Your friend,
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:17 AM
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I'm so sorry. That sounds just heartbreaking. I have no idea how I'd respond to my own child and addiction. It is one of my greatest fears

I do not understand why she is telling you this stuff though. I never told my mom these things - it would never occur to me. They must be crazy hard to hear. It is OK to put up a boundary around that. You can say to your daughter "I'll have lunch with you any time but I will not listen to stories of your escapades. If you start in the subject will change or I'll get up and leave."

Prayers for you and Amber both. She is very young and there is hope for everyone.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:33 AM
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I think that she may be telling you in an effort to get your attention to let her come home...but it can't be both ways.

I also think that she may be very scared about court and is again looking for you to foot the bill on any fines.

I'm so sorry you are again upset, but I think you need to not go and be supportive either. let her face the consequences of her actions, pay her own fines and live her life as she wishes...for whatever reason, she isn't seeing what a dangerous game she continues to play, it's still a game for her. Perhaps if you are NOT there, the judgement would be harsher???? IDK...i hope you feel better today.
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:49 AM
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(((sheneedshelp))) It's natural to be upset after hearing all of that. I'm sure I would have been upset, too.

Mr. HG and I finally had to just give up our front row seat to all the crazy, scary, and frankly stupid things his AS was doing. It's not that we did not or do not care, it's just that we could not keep spending our days in tears after hearing all of the drama that came along with his active drinking and drugging.

Wow, was it hard to let go, but for us it was the only way to get our sanity and peace back.

I will pray for you, for your dear daughter, and the rest of your family. I hope that she finds her way soon.

Hugs, HG
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