GettingBy

Man, I'm definetely in the middle of some awareness lately! As the title of my post states, I really don't like being told what to do!!! I can't stand unsolicited advice... to me, I see it as being judgemental, critical, and condescending!! As I have worked to identify and eliminate my own judgemental behavior, I am becoming more aware of times when I am on the RECEIVING end of it!! Ack! And I see now how awful it feels to be "bossed" around!!!

As I detach from my AH, and let him live HIS life/will, I have noticed him doing the very thing he hated most about me! Now he's giving me advice... and being judgemental of my decisions!!! Apparently I used a bit too much salt on my corn the other day, because he gave me a stern lecture about how "unhealthy" that was for me! I had to laugh (inside) at the thought of HIM telling ME I was unhealthy!! I polited thanked him for his concern, and then went on about MY business!

I am so grateful for my Al-anon sponsor because the help/guidance she gives is not "advice" but her own experience, strength, and hope... so that I can figure out the solution/next step that is right FOR ME! I'm grateful for my ever-growing awareness of my subtle (and not so subtle!!) attempts to control and manipulate those around me. I am grateful to be able to step into other people's shoes and understand how icky it feels to be controlled - it helps me keep myself in check!

Thanks for letting me share!
Shannon

Tuffgirl

Cyranoak posted this yesterday and I liked it so much I wrote it down and stuck it in my fridge next to my ever growing list if important quotes:

"Don't should on yourself, don't should on others, and don't let others should on you"

And your title made me laugh...who does?

I know I don't, either. And in my journey through recovery, I am also learning to pay more attention to not "shoulding" others...my RAH, my kids, my colleagues. And amazingly, it has made my life and relationships much more peaceful!

wanttobehealthy

I don't think anyone likes being told what to do but like you, I'm figuring out that whether it was well intentioned, designed to help etc.... or not, I spent a lot of time with my AH trying to tell him what to do.

And since I've all but stopped (won't say I won't slip) I am noticing just how much he seems to have taken up the slack and how all sorts of interested he is in telling me how everything I do is wrong.

I left specks of confetti from D6's bday party on the ground and intended to leave them there and he felt it appropriate to give me a lecture later that day as friends were helping us clean up about how lazy I am and how bad I am at picking up after myself.

Frankly, his annoyance just made me sad for him and made me realize how angry I was for so long as I tried to get him to do what I thought he "should" just like he was trying to get me to do what I "should".

Anyway, I'm just rambling to say I can relate and I liked reading your post...

It is kind of comical isn't it when an A tells us their perspective on "health"? That's one I can't ever get over the irony of. AH is all sorts of interested in spending money on supplements, organic food, blah blah blah (not that organic is blah-- his obsession is!). I asked him recently (with other people around so he couldn't freak out) how he thought alcohol interfered with the effectiveness of all his supplements. I guess it was snarky and I shouldn't have said it but I wanted to.

Perhaps if he just exercised and ate reasonably well he'd find that his need for all sorts of "cures" for his cholesterol, weight gain, etc... would go away... Hmmm.

Thumper

I couldn't agree more. There is someone in my life that does this all.the.time and tells me how to think, feel, behave, parent, what I should know, what I should understand, do, and on and on.

You are right - a very good way to keep myself in check because it is AWFUL to be around.