duqld1717

That was my opinion, you can take it or leave it that's all. This is my opinion and others may disagree (that is why this is a discussion forum) but I think staying in a relationship or marriage with an active A is enabling 100% IF the behavior of the A bothers you. Some people can be in a relationship with an A and have no problem with it. Great, I say! I admire their strength. However, others are affected on a daily basis and that is where I think enabling comes in. If you make it clear that an A's behavior is bothering you and to stop, and they keep it up, YES you are enabling them to keep up their bad behavior by staying with them.

Please don't crucify me for this one, as it is just my opinion. I do think there is an exception if the behavior does not bother you. I also think being able to detach from the behavior is great, but detaching and still wanting more from your marriage deep down and being silently dissapointed, is still enabling in my eyes. You want more, but you won't leave and go get a relationship that satisfies your true desires that you have repressed because you are with an A. Of course an A will never be able to fullfill your marriage expectations so you had to be flexible and accept the bare minimum of what they gave you. I'm sure none of you that are married, got married to be alone in your marriage-you wanted a partner. You may not be enabling the A to continue his bad behavior because you are detached, but you are enabling yourself to stay in a place that doesn't really satisfy you and not go get a relationship that you deserve!