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I am so damned angry

Old 08-29-2011, 09:11 AM
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I am so damned angry

In the past couple of days I've been filled with anger. Normally I think I'm pretty placid, but in the past week, well:

1. Someone's messing around at work and jeoparising a project that's important to me. Now he's alleging that I was "hostile" because I flat-out refused to clean up a mess he created. It may or may not just blow over.

2. I realise that when AH had a similar problem at his work I was nothing but sweetness and sympathy and tea--and he still used it as an excuse to go on a week-long self-pity drinking binge.

3. I made the mistake of confiding in Mom and she was in one of her moods, she ended up saying, 'Well, you just need to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. You have to see things from the other side!' Which was exactly what I *didn't* need to hear: yes, most of the time it's good to be conciliatory, but in those rare instances when someone's actually messing with you, you need support in standing up for yourself. I shouldn't have called her but--

4. There is *no one* *no one* I can think of to ask for help in this. I'm just too embarassed, or something. Everyone I've interacted with this weekend I've given the plastered-on cheerful smile.

So I'm just sitting here filled with anger. I've given myself a twitch in the hand. I literally can't calm down. I've done all the things you're supposed to do: had my run with friends yesterday, did my errands and some baking today, bought myself some flowers. Still, nothing is helping.

Not sure what I'm asking for. Is there a secret to getting the calm feeling back?
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Old 08-29-2011, 09:18 AM
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Let go.

It sounds too simple... but that's it. For me, I had to learn how to let go. I learned that I alone was responsible for being so angry. I was harboring resentments that were poisoning me.

Today when the rage and anger builds... I have to figure out what is making me so angry.. and then I say, "Aw, SCREW IT! It is not worth me ruining today! TO HELL WITH YOU!!!!" In other words, I let the anger out. I release it from inside me.

I have learned that going to certain (unhealthy/unsafe!) people for support will only make my situation worse. The help they give is not kind and can be quite judgemental! SO, I go to Al-anon friends who understand like no other!!

Anger is a normal emotion... but if not handled properly can destroy me from the inside out.

Let it go... curse, swear, yell, bitch... whatever you need to do, do it. And then get back to the Steps!!

Thanks for letting me share!
Shannon
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Old 08-29-2011, 09:25 AM
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It's not the circumstance or the situation that is the issue. It's how we react and handle it that is important.

Gettingby is correct, sometimes we just have to let it go............... realizing we do not have control and power over others, releases us from a whole bunch of unnecessary responsibility.

I often tell myself, if they want to go thru like acting like a moron, guess that is their option.......... best wishes
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Old 08-29-2011, 01:33 PM
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they are right. I had an issue today with my AW and I could have blow up big time. Even worse I have had hours to stew about it.

I just wrote it up in my Diary and went for a ride on my bike. I am not angry anymore just resigned and sad about they way my AW behaves
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Old 08-29-2011, 11:18 PM
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Gym? box? cardio?

I was angry and depressed this afternoon. Then I went to some "cardio boxing" or something, I enjoyed the music very much and relaxed...

Listening to musicians that express their anger helps me, Eminem, etc...
I am saving to get a sand bag, honest. I could put pictures in there, even!



My mom taught me a mantra "Hello anger, (or whatever). Welcome. I open my arms to you. I am open to hear your message. I accept you. I also accept your temporary nature".



Lastly, the good old "hand it to HP". My night prayer goes like this:

"HP, here is my anger, my frustration, my inflexibility, my plans and hopes and expectations.. YOU handle them,.. I am tired... thank you. 'night"



Sometimes we don't "have to" change anything. We can feel what we feel. And still take care of ourselves the best we can. Feelings are not wrong or inappropiate... they are just there... we either deny them and let them cause suffering, or we can open up to them and sit with them without - placing any labels to them (or to us for feeling them)... sooner or later their "lesson" becomes more obvious.. at least that is what happens to me.


Hugs. Hope something in my ramblings helped.
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Old 08-30-2011, 04:04 AM
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Hi akrasia!

Anger is something we just need to get out of our system! I would occasionally have screaming, pounding on the steering wheel fits in my car!!! The people walking by were treated to a good show, I'm sure!!!

Also, I also try very hard to remember that not everyone I meet is the person/thing that made me angry to begin with.....they don't deserve to get with both barrels from me! :rotfxko

I hope today is better!

HG
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:41 AM
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Originally Posted by akrasia View Post
Is there a secret to getting the calm feeling back?
I'm sometimes amazed at what a small world it really is sometimes because the image you paint the picture of here seems exactly like my reality except that I think we probably have different reasons for it.

In any event, I'm at a point in my life where I think I hate almost everyone I contact in some form or another. The reason for this usually stems back to being unable to discern what causes things to happen in my life I feel I have no control over. For example, this past week some jerk hit my car and drove off. That mess aside, I can't figure out why that happened to me when ten or more cars were parked outside on the street, too. I'm not saying I wanted someone else to get hit... Just that I can't figure out why my car got hit!

Anyway, this feeling of irony or whatever has been mostly prevalent in my ever since high school. I think some of it comes from my inherited cynical personality, but I also think some of it comes from my inability to be sold on change...

I've always hated change. Change to me represents the act of moving onto lands and into states where there is no normalcy. And trust me, one of the first things people who have lived with alcoholics yearn for is normalcy because it symbolizes peace.

All this being said, I think you just need to keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing those everyday things that you like to do and sooner or later, the pressure cooker will be out of steam. Easier said than done, I know, but it's better than pulling a "Dexter" and going hog wild on someone with a hammer! (Not that this wouldn't feel oh so good!)

For whatever it's worth, you're definitely not alone in that struggle you find yourself in. I fight that all the time myself.
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:41 AM
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Exercise is really important when dealing with anger and stress. When you are angry or stressed out your body is dumping a lot of hormones preparing you to either fight or run away. These can build up in your system, so to speak, and cause a lot of health problems. Exercise gives you a chance to burn these out of your system.

BTW, I have no medical experience and these are my metaphors for explaining what is happening. I am sure the reality is much more complex and scientific but doesn't really add anything to the post.


Your friend,
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Old 08-30-2011, 11:13 AM
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Thank you kind friends. Somehow I have my equilibrium back today, and my sense of humor.
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