He Has A Death Wish
I'm no angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He Has A Death Wish
Yes, he is my cousin, he is 67 years old. He has been drinking and smoking since he was 13.
We are close, always have been. He is from my Dads side of the family. There are two members left, me and my cousin.
Six years ago, he had a stroke. He was put on many meds, one being Antabuse. The doctor told him, he must stop drinking and smoking. While I was there, he did not smoke, he did not drink, he followed through on his therapy. I left, he dropped the therapy, started smoking & drinking.
He Has A Death Wish
Last year it was determined that he had Squamous Cell Carcinoma on his nose, he let it go too long. They removed half his nose and he refused followup radiation. The doctor told him, he must stop drinking and smoking. He did not.
He Has A Death Wish
Today he is having surgery. His tonsils have a malignant tumor on them. He has a malignant tumor the size of an orange in his lymph node. It is under his jaw.
The primary cause of this type of cancer in men is: Alcohol & Smoking.
I will leave shortly to catch my flight, I will be there when he comes out of recovery.
I spoke to his surgeon last week, he said that it is imperative that my cousin do his follow up care, depending on what stage the cancer is in, it
could be radiation, chemo or both. And, he must stop drinking & smoking.
I was honest with the surgeon, the possibility of him following through with the after care treatment is slim. The possibility of him stopping drinking & smoking is none.
I will stay with him for a few weeks until he gets on his feet. I know that as soon as I walk through the door to leave, he will light his first cigarette, he will pour his first drink. He will drop his follow up care.
As, don't you know, He Has A Death Wish
To be honest, I have had my fill of addiction, of the pain and turmoil it causes, of the helplessness one feels trying to reason with an unreasonable addict.
When he passes, he will leave a mess for me to handle, in the meatime I am faced with the reprecussions of his bad choices, of his addiction.
He Has A Death Wish...and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
We are close, always have been. He is from my Dads side of the family. There are two members left, me and my cousin.
Six years ago, he had a stroke. He was put on many meds, one being Antabuse. The doctor told him, he must stop drinking and smoking. While I was there, he did not smoke, he did not drink, he followed through on his therapy. I left, he dropped the therapy, started smoking & drinking.
He Has A Death Wish
Last year it was determined that he had Squamous Cell Carcinoma on his nose, he let it go too long. They removed half his nose and he refused followup radiation. The doctor told him, he must stop drinking and smoking. He did not.
He Has A Death Wish
Today he is having surgery. His tonsils have a malignant tumor on them. He has a malignant tumor the size of an orange in his lymph node. It is under his jaw.
The primary cause of this type of cancer in men is: Alcohol & Smoking.
I will leave shortly to catch my flight, I will be there when he comes out of recovery.
I spoke to his surgeon last week, he said that it is imperative that my cousin do his follow up care, depending on what stage the cancer is in, it
could be radiation, chemo or both. And, he must stop drinking & smoking.
I was honest with the surgeon, the possibility of him following through with the after care treatment is slim. The possibility of him stopping drinking & smoking is none.
I will stay with him for a few weeks until he gets on his feet. I know that as soon as I walk through the door to leave, he will light his first cigarette, he will pour his first drink. He will drop his follow up care.
As, don't you know, He Has A Death Wish
To be honest, I have had my fill of addiction, of the pain and turmoil it causes, of the helplessness one feels trying to reason with an unreasonable addict.
When he passes, he will leave a mess for me to handle, in the meatime I am faced with the reprecussions of his bad choices, of his addiction.
He Has A Death Wish...and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by dollydo 
I will stay with him for a few weeks until he gets on his feet. I know that as soon as I walk through the door to leave, he will light his first cigarette, he will pour his first drink. He will drop his follow up care.
Sending you hugs of support!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,545
How very sad.
A former senator from our state had his staff investigate the practice of SSI checks of alcoholics that were being cashed at liquor stores.
One of his staff coined the phrase, "Suicide on the installment plan."
A former senator from our state had his staff investigate the practice of SSI checks of alcoholics that were being cashed at liquor stores.
One of his staff coined the phrase, "Suicide on the installment plan."
I'm no angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Thanks to all for the support.
He got out of recovery at 8:00 pm, long surgery, long time in recovery.
It is stage IV, even if he goes forward and does the follow up treatments, his chance of survival for a year or longer is minimal. Also, due to where the cancer is located, the radiation probably will destroy his ability to function alone on a day to day basis.
I now have to look at the various alternatives, and then attempt to convince my cousin as to which of those will be in his best interest. As all of you know, this is not going to be easy.
This is the 3rd time in the last 4 years that I have had to make life altering decisions for another. My ex-husband, my dad and now my cousin. I have also been assigned POA for my mother (age 85) and my brother. Seems like I just get the legalities of one closed out, and, onto the next I go.
Today I will meet with the surgeon, a case worker and start my fact finding mission. I am upset, I am sad, yet, I must put on my business hat, stay focused and remain level headed.
Sometimes, being the responsibile one really sucks.
Thanks again, I'll be in touch,
As Ever.....Dolly
He got out of recovery at 8:00 pm, long surgery, long time in recovery.
It is stage IV, even if he goes forward and does the follow up treatments, his chance of survival for a year or longer is minimal. Also, due to where the cancer is located, the radiation probably will destroy his ability to function alone on a day to day basis.
I now have to look at the various alternatives, and then attempt to convince my cousin as to which of those will be in his best interest. As all of you know, this is not going to be easy.
This is the 3rd time in the last 4 years that I have had to make life altering decisions for another. My ex-husband, my dad and now my cousin. I have also been assigned POA for my mother (age 85) and my brother. Seems like I just get the legalities of one closed out, and, onto the next I go.
Today I will meet with the surgeon, a case worker and start my fact finding mission. I am upset, I am sad, yet, I must put on my business hat, stay focused and remain level headed.
Sometimes, being the responsibile one really sucks.
Thanks again, I'll be in touch,
As Ever.....Dolly
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