changeschoices

So, two months after he left me saying he needed to work on his recovery, XABF called me today and I learn that he quit going to AA and severed his relationship with his sponsor. He said he couldn't relate to his sponsor and that he feels AA is cult-like, and that he is just going to have to deal with his alcoholism on his own. He got a new job and feels that his life is getting better, so he will be able to resist drinking. Except that he felt really down two weeks ago and got drunk on the weekend.

I'm trying to remind myself to detach, but it's so disheartening to hear that he quit his program. This is the second time in less than a year that he has quit AA. The first time in the program, he never got a sponsor but went to meetings for 5 months and stayed sober. This time, he went to rehab and worked the program for another 5 months and got a sponsor, but he couldn't make it through Step 2. I guess he just hasn't reached his bottom yet. I ache to think what it's going to take for that to happen.

Even though I am still so hurt that he broke up with me, I guess it's a blessing in disguise, because it's probably inevitable that he will start to drink again...and then binge...and then lose this new job just like the last one.

It's so hard to see someone you love in denial. In a way, I feel better, because he told me he broke up with me to work on his recovery, and I knew in my heart that he was acting like a dry drunk and that I wasn't the one to blame for the end of the relationship. But it still so sad. I guess I just needed to let it out--thanks for listening.

Terminally Unique

Some do deal with it on their own, but not with that attitude. After a certain point, it doesn't matter if life gets better or worse; you end up drinking just to drink. Got laid off? Drink to forget. Got a raise or promotion? Drink to celebrate.

dollydo

You are hearing very typical alcoholic verbage.

Yes, detach, work on you.

He is going to do what he is going to do. It's his life, he can live it as he wants to.

Take care,

MTSlideAddict

It is hard to hear that our 'A's have realapsed, or stopped working their program. My AH shares the same belief of AA as your 'A' does, and has quit the program the exact same way in the past. I hope for your XABF's sake he finds his true sobriety.

As for you, continue working on you.

Seren

I'm sorry to hear that you x has relapsed. It is hard not to have expectations and hopes when our A's begin to work toward recovery and then lose their footing. After my A stepson got out of the hospital in 2007, we thought he had surely hit his bottom and would decide to find some sort of help from among all the options made available to him. Sadly, he is still "out there" doing what addicts do.

I hope that eventually, your x will find a program or counselor that works for him.

Hope you are feeling better soon!

Hugs, HG

choublak

Why couldn't he relate to his sponsor? Is switching sponsors an option?

changeschoices

He said that he can't relate to his sponsor because he's a "jock" and that he has spent a lot of time with his sponsor but "doesn't feel he knows who he really is". It doesn't make a lot of sense. I've met his sponsor. He is a cleancut guy with a new baby and a fulltime job. He seems very nice. He used to check in with my XABF daily and accompany him to a step meeting every weekend and meet with him for over an hour before or afterwards to go over his stepwork. When he first starting meeting with his sponsor, my XABF was actually moved to tears that his sponsor would willingly give of his time every day to help a fellow alcoholic. Now he's decided that this guy is worthless.

I don't think it's the sponsor. I think it's XABF. He said that he believes he can maintain sobriety by focusing on the positive. Wouldn't it be amazing if it were that easy!!