Have difficulty enjoying times in between binges
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I think this is all starting to come together now.
I have six alcoholic uncles. Well they don't drink anymore because they know they can't, and they still go to AA meetings voluntarily on occasion, just to go. So I guess that makes them recovering alcoholics. So I have a little familiarity with the concept.
Now, my boyfriend, I believe, is so incredibly high-functioning that he is able to make it look like he can control his drinking. He has been able to have a beer or two and be fine, on several occasions. I guess you could say he's able to "pass" for a non-alcoholic. Yes. Now I get it.
His grandfather on his dad's side was also one of those people who could "pass", he died in denial. He was hospitalized and the doctors told him he had five months to live. He didn't believe them and was determined to "beat the doctors". He died four months later, at age 56.
So the alcoholics high-functioning enough to pass for non-alcoholics, do so early on, and then when the alcohol consumes them even more it's almost impossible for them to see it in themselves.
Probably more common than I think.
I actually feel kind of better. Thank you all.
I have six alcoholic uncles. Well they don't drink anymore because they know they can't, and they still go to AA meetings voluntarily on occasion, just to go. So I guess that makes them recovering alcoholics. So I have a little familiarity with the concept.
Now, my boyfriend, I believe, is so incredibly high-functioning that he is able to make it look like he can control his drinking. He has been able to have a beer or two and be fine, on several occasions. I guess you could say he's able to "pass" for a non-alcoholic. Yes. Now I get it.
His grandfather on his dad's side was also one of those people who could "pass", he died in denial. He was hospitalized and the doctors told him he had five months to live. He didn't believe them and was determined to "beat the doctors". He died four months later, at age 56.
So the alcoholics high-functioning enough to pass for non-alcoholics, do so early on, and then when the alcohol consumes them even more it's almost impossible for them to see it in themselves.
Probably more common than I think.
I actually feel kind of better. Thank you all.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 26
I would suggest he will start with the I want to stop, please help me stop, its so nice to wake up without a hangover etc. It is just a way of making you wait just that little bit longer. then you look up and 7 years have passed and all that has happened is you have helped an alcoholic cover up their drinking.
His drinking needs to get a little worse before that happens, but that is where it will go.
My wife still denies she has a drinking problem, the other day I found her in the garage drinking red wine from a washing machine liquid holder.
For many of us it is a long slide into bankrupcy and ill health, get out as soon as you can.
His drinking needs to get a little worse before that happens, but that is where it will go.
My wife still denies she has a drinking problem, the other day I found her in the garage drinking red wine from a washing machine liquid holder.
For many of us it is a long slide into bankrupcy and ill health, get out as soon as you can.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You will never enjoy yourself as long as you live with an alcoholic. Even if the alcoholic is sober and working a program there is no guarantee that the next binge isn't right around the corner. There is no real peace when dealing with a person who has a problem with addiction as there is no cure for this terrible disease.
The ball is in your court, how do you want to live your life...do you want peace and happiness or do you want turmoil and unrest...only you know the answer....
The ball is in your court, how do you want to live your life...do you want peace and happiness or do you want turmoil and unrest...only you know the answer....
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
I'm not going to tell you what you should do, as I remember that I was told that many times when still in your shoes and it went in one ear and out the other. Just know that he may say things to make you or anyone else concerned happy and believe he is handling the situation, but honestly he is still in denial about his drinking problem. He has not acknowledged that he cannot handle his alcohol consumption. It will progressively get worse without acceptance and recovery.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Regardless of whether an alcoholic binges or drinks daily is of no consequence. Some binge drinkers never become daily drinkers. The amount/frequency doesn't matter. With alcoholics of any "variety" there is always wreckage. and it is no way to live...in fact it is not "living" it is existing, and sometimes just barely. I don't have anything different to add beyond what these great folks have already said (there is tons of wisdom here at SR), except that maybe try to start finding out where you begin and where he ends (if that makes sense). When my moods thoughts and feelings mirror someone elses I am not living my life, I am living theirs. Decide how you want your life to be and then begin identifying and taking the steps to make the changes. I'm not trying to sound flip or trite....none of this is easy at all. Thank you for posting. I wish you the best on your journey 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
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Originally Posted by choublak 
He says he wants to "take his life back" from the alcohol and find activities to do, like hiking.
Journey To Me
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Kyle, Texas
Posts: 395
Been there. My AH got himself into flag football to occupy his mind from the alcohol. That was when he thought he could handle his consumption. Then he began drinking while there. He did this for four seasons. His coach eventually smelled it and didn't allow him to play. With the embarrassment that activity didn't last.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi choublak
Have you asked your recovering uncles their opinion about your current situation?
I went out with someone like that, high functioning. We broke up 3 years ago. Today he is out there drinking just as he did before I even met him, and all the time we were together. (Just saw some him in some facebook updates from someone else. Gladly, I no longer feel anything about this fact.)
It is not a surprise you resist to the idea of a therapist. With a therapist you face yourself, have to be 100% honest.
I resist going too, even to this day. But I still go. And when I go out I always feel grateful I gave myself that gift.
The pain has to be too huge to ask for help. I wish it was not like that. It would save time, and suffering.
Have you asked your recovering uncles their opinion about your current situation?
I went out with someone like that, high functioning. We broke up 3 years ago. Today he is out there drinking just as he did before I even met him, and all the time we were together. (Just saw some him in some facebook updates from someone else. Gladly, I no longer feel anything about this fact.)
It is not a surprise you resist to the idea of a therapist. With a therapist you face yourself, have to be 100% honest.
I resist going too, even to this day. But I still go. And when I go out I always feel grateful I gave myself that gift.
The pain has to be too huge to ask for help. I wish it was not like that. It would save time, and suffering.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Hi choublak
Have you asked your recovering uncles their opinion about your current situation?
I went out with someone like that, high functioning. We broke up 3 years ago. Today he is out there drinking just as he did before I even met him, and all the time we were together. (Just saw some him in some facebook updates from someone else. Gladly, I no longer feel anything about this fact.)
It is not a surprise you resist to the idea of a therapist. With a therapist you face yourself, have to be 100% honest.
I resist going too, even to this day. But I still go. And when I go out I always feel grateful I gave myself that gift.
The pain has to be too huge to ask for help. I wish it was not like that. It would save time, and suffering.
Have you asked your recovering uncles their opinion about your current situation?
I went out with someone like that, high functioning. We broke up 3 years ago. Today he is out there drinking just as he did before I even met him, and all the time we were together. (Just saw some him in some facebook updates from someone else. Gladly, I no longer feel anything about this fact.)
It is not a surprise you resist to the idea of a therapist. With a therapist you face yourself, have to be 100% honest.
I resist going too, even to this day. But I still go. And when I go out I always feel grateful I gave myself that gift.
The pain has to be too huge to ask for help. I wish it was not like that. It would save time, and suffering.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
He says he wants to have happy times right now, and is making effort to have these, tells me he wants to make up for some of the times he missed out on while drunk, says that is why he doesn't want to talk about alcoholism. Master of manipulation?
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by choublak
He says he wants to have happy times right now, and is making effort to have these, tells me he wants to make up for some of the times he missed out on while drunk, says that is why he doesn't want to talk about alcoholism. Master of manipulation?
I am in the same boat and have been for five years. It doesn't get better and I am planning my way out. I am sick of the talk.
"Taking care of you," to me, means making sure you have peace and serenity in your life to pursue whatever it is you want and you will NEVER have that with an active alcoholic.
Good luck to you!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by Kimmieh
Yes.
I am in the same boat and have been for five years. It doesn't get better and I am planning my way out. I am sick of the talk.
"Taking care of you," to me, means making sure you have peace and serenity in your life to pursue whatever it is you want and you will NEVER have that with an active alcoholic.
Good luck to you!
I am in the same boat and have been for five years. It doesn't get better and I am planning my way out. I am sick of the talk.
"Taking care of you," to me, means making sure you have peace and serenity in your life to pursue whatever it is you want and you will NEVER have that with an active alcoholic.
Good luck to you!
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